The Occasional Woman on Facebook “Fashion Experts”

Well, hi there, dear readers! I hope you are all very fit and sassy. The other day, I was checking my Facebook posts, and came upon one of those “do this, don’t do that ” fashion and style posts. I don’t often read them, as they generally get me irritated and mulish, but I figured what the heck? This was one of those “20 looks Women Over Fifty Should Never Wear,” or some such trash. I’ll boil down my pertinent observations for you.

A “bob.”

First, these usually seem to be written by either bored and vicious 22 year olds, or Hester Prynne; this one was no different. For starters, we have the load of dookie that says women over forty shouldn’t have long hair. Clearly, this is garbage. Women over 40 or 50 or 100 can have any kind of hair they want! The best advice here is to have a great hair person, keep the ends trimmed, and don’t get scraggly. The spewer goes on to suggest we all get a “bob,” i. e., a short, snazzy haircut; which is great if you want short hair, and can afford to get it trimmed every month, and spend time with oddly-shaped brushes and a blowdryer. Me—no, I’m keeping it longer, and my hair routine includes washing it. They also suggested a center-part-which looks best on humans under 25 years old, so, whatever.

Rachel Dratch from SNL in mom jeans.

These writers went on to inform us that mom jeans are now back in fashion! This is untrue, false, and a base canard. They looked awful in the ‘80s, and they look awful now. Makes your butt look inflated, and your legs appear pipe-cleaner thin. No, no, no. Go-Go Boots are also being hyped-short, white boots that always smelled bad, and made your feet look like washing machines. Resist. And believe it or not, these heathens are encouraging the return of huge shoulder pads! Noooooo! Especially for those who. . .already have bigger shoulders, this will still not make you look like Alexis Carrington, or any other Dynasty star. Same thing for their endorsement of Power Suits—as we are in an election year, this could prompt pollsters to approach and interview you, asking about “your numbers” and such. . . .

A wicker woman sporting a Mexican peasant blouse.

Lest it seem that I just hate fashion, these folks actually did have some excellent suggestions! They love denim, in all of its permutations—and why not? It is comfortable, versatile and can easily be dressed up to look bitchin’. They suggest silk scarves—as do I! They are pretty, and can really add punch to an outfit. They love peasant blouses—so do I! I love embroidery and stuff like that, and somewhat loose, comfy clothing. They do recommend puffy sleeves, which can be tricky—if you have larger shoulders and upper arms, this style can suggest tightly-wrapped pork products, as in shrink-wrapped hams.

So, my best choices stem from a bold and searing evaluation of one’s pluses and minuses; highlight the good stuff, and underplay your perceived “bad” spots. Puffy sleeves, particularly short ones, aren’t great on most people, particularly big-on-top ladies and those of us over 48. An “over-sized” blazer will make one seem, well, over-sized. And “Mom Jeans” don’t look good on anybody!

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Tags: crossdressing, fashion, featured, style

Category: Transgender Fashion