Stochastic Musings

Kalina talks about her art class, Krispy Kreme counter people, Chelsea art galleries, cheap men, cuteness, Clublife, and more.

Last month, I mentioned that I’m taking The Body and Photography course at the University of Pennsylvania. Our first assignment was to produce a body of work with our own bodies as the subject. It was an eye opening experience for some of these young adults as they saw someone with the body parts of both genders. On another day, I was walking a few steps behind two female students who were admiring the photographs from my class on the school gallery boards. They continued walking until one of the students stopped to look at the images of my nude body. “Look at that…those legs! I wish I had that body,” she said to her friend. “No, you don’t,” I remarked with a smile as I passed them by. I don’t think they put two and two together as they continued admiring my body.

I presented my second project to class, which was to produce a body of work focusing on the female body. I took pictures of my friend Nikki, a young transgendered woman. She had a penchant for paintball, so I captured many topless photographs of this beautiful lass posing with her paintball gun and uniform. Nikki has a natural beauty that is distinctly feminine. In one series of photographs, I captured images of her talking about her recent escapades with her boyfriend. The result looked like something out of a Playboy interview. My professor picked up on this and loved it. My class really enjoyed both photo sets. Our next project focuses on the male body.

My class and I went on a field trip to New York City where we visited the International Center of Photography and over 25 smaller galleries in the Chelsea area. Some galleries were wide open spaces with two-story-high ceilings. Others were nothing more than a single small room with four walls. I saw some freaky-looking people at the galleries, including a 70-year-old woman with purple hair and Dame Edna glasses. Some of the galleries had the weirdest, dumbest shit, like Bill Viola’s Bodies of Light video gallery, but on the whole a lot of stuff was exciting and unique. Osang Gwon’s hyperrealistic photo-sculptures made of overlapping photographs in his Deodorant Type exhibit was awesome. Janine Antoni, one of my favorite artists, exhibited an incredible 72×116 image of herself suspended in a child’s room with a dollhouse attached to her lower torso. That day, I was wearing a black ribbed turtleneck with a solid, non-ribbed section on the upper torso. This section made my boobs pop out nicely. I wore my black fur-lined hoodie over it and a shiny black headband in my hair. Very chic.

“That’ll be $1.10, miss,” the Krispy Kreme cashier said to me. My classmates were right behind me, so many of them probably heard the pronoun. I got “miss’ed” by another Krispy Kreme cashier on the return trip home. This was done with all my own hair and no makeup.

Do people know how to tip anymore? You tgirl admirers tell me you have a great time with me at a restaurant and yet I notice you leaving 10% to 15% gratuity on the bill. Do I have to start supplementing tips again when you get up to go to the restroom so the servers don’t spit in our food the next time I eat at the place? If you have a great time with me because the food and service were perfect, you should leave at least 20%. To both boys and girls, if you’re at a bar and a drink costs up to $6, tip at least $1 on the drink. If the drink costs up to $12, tip at least $2. If the drink costs more than $12, tip at least $3. Tip the coat check people if you use them. $1 per coat is customary.

That Lindsay Lohan is cute is undeniable, but what I don’t get is she makes millions of dollars, so why the hell did she buy a new smile that makes her look like a pixie elf? Plastic surgery is so fucking crazy. Some people actually looked better before all of their surgeries! Look at Brittany Murphy for an excellent example. I had an argument with someone a while ago about why I felt women from Miami were not that good-looking overall and that was because I felt that fabricated beauty via plastic surgery is never as good as the real thing and he kept disagreeing with me. So I used myself in the argument and made the bold statement, “I’d take my eyes, my nose, my smile, and my hair (all that I was born with) over any plastic-faced beauty any day.” Ain’t nothin’ like the real thing, baby.

If you’re in Philadelphia on Friday, November 13, 2009, you should come and see my art gallery at the William Way Community Center, 1315 Spruce Street, Philadelphia. There will be an opening reception at 6 p.m. to 8 p.m. with wine, cheese, and catering by a friend of mine who is a professional chef. The series of photographs I will present is called “Clublife.” Here is my artist’s statement:

“Clublife”

Some see transgender women as beautiful, glamorous, bold, confident, full of energy, and larger than life, but behind the glitz and glamour of the shows, the parties, and the personalities that headline or attend every event lies an extraordinary human side not everyone gets to see. The joys, sorrows, pain, apprehension, tenseness, and sometimes emotional suffering are feelings outsiders are seldom privy to, but when captured with great care and consideration show that transgender women are like any other human beings.

This series presents the viewer with a vast display of people interactions that all comprise this thing we call clublife. Some are fantabulous divas and some are just average people like you and me.

“Clublife” will be on display from November 9, 2009 to December 31, 2009. The opening reception is free and open to the public. See my gallery page for more details.

There’s something deliciously funny and ironic about this Minnie Mouse look, so I had to show everyone. Imagine having a business meeting with me on the Friday before Halloween…hee hee! Happy Halloween to all of you office jocks out there who can get away with wearing some form of costume at work!

I was at the food court at the Liberty Square Mall with my five-year-old on Saturday and I looked around and noticed what a great environment it is to learn what works and what doesn’t. If your goal is to blend, which is very different from passing, then hanging out at food courts or malls is a good way to learn what to wear and how to present yourself as an average, everyday woman. There are certain things that women wear and don’t wear indoors and you’ll quickly discover what they are during your research.

Stay tuned, girlies, because I’m going to be introducing a new forum soon with sections on shopping, etiquette, fitness, and tgirl admirer ratings! The latter will give us girls a chance to sound off on all of the losers and cheapskates out there. Uncouth, sex-starved tgirls will also be included.

My book, Passable, is now finished. The book is an epic 210 pages and is an ambitious work meant to help transgender girls learn about and develop one of the keys to their success in their transgender lives. I draw from many, many examples in my life and others, go into various do’s and don’t’s, citing specific examples, and help girls understand that passability requires more than just having confidence. There are so many crossdressers and transsexuals who can benefit from this book. Order your copy by clicking here. One thing many of you may not realize is there are gender therapists using my previous books for their research!

Are you ready to learn the secrets to becoming super glamorous and super passable? Just order copies of my videos, Secrets to an Awesome Makeover, Natural Makeup Techniques, and Totally Natural available here.

Category: Transgender Opinion