Stochastic Musings — Cats, Bacon, Guys, Hair, and Realness

Kalina talks about catty transsexuals, pictures are worth a thousand words, bad breakfasts, the real meaning of “guys,” real hair, and what happens when you look too real.

It was hard for me to compose this entry, so I’ll give it my best shot, like I always do. I met someone new last night and I’ll call her Mindy from New Jersey. She had preconceived notions about me before ever meeting me, thinking I was some sort of conceited bitch, but when she finally met and talked to me, she thought I was very cool. “You totally changed my opinion of you,” she said. Her previous opinions were fueled by what she read on TransVamp.com as well as five guys who are supposedly angry at me for some reason. Are these guys mistaking me for someone else? Do I even know five guys from Jersey? I don’t make it a point to snub guys unless they’re assholes. The conversation between Mindy and I was going good, but then she said that she was against a party like mine because it wasn’t gay or straight, but a tgirl party.

“The only people who come to your parties are closeted crossdressers,” she said.

Whoa… hold on a minute! You can’t make a blanket statement like that because it just insults every transsexual who has ever come to my party. I’ve seen this kind of attitude before in other transsexuals who’ve labeled my party in the same way and they still come to my parties from time to time. Why? Maybe it’s to see me. Maybe it’s to see other girls here. Maybe they just like the atmosphere. I mean, really, can most transsexuals truly blend into most gay or straight places? No. That’s why I felt that my party was needed. Closeted crossdressers need a party like this to feel safe about going outside. They can use it to build their confidence and then they can do other things with our group, too, such as attend our daytime brunches.

Within many crossdressers is a transsexual in embryonic stage. How can these embryos develop without a place to nurture them? The full-time transsexuals can benefit from my party, too, by mingling with other full-time transsexuals. There are numerous examples of girls who’ve grown as transsexuals as a result of my party. Hell, I’ve inspired many of them to wear their own hair, wear less makeup, and go to more straight places. And let’s not forget that it was Cindy, a full-time transsexual, beautiful as all heck, who came up with the initial idea of a party “just for us girls.” She approached me with the idea and together we ran it together for a while before her bar closed and we moved it to Tavern on Camac. Cindy dropped out of the scene and I continued the party, anointing co-hosts and co-hostesses along the way.

Here’s how I look at my party from a 35,000 foot level. You have this tgirl party in Philadelphia. You have a little Asian SuperCutie running it who has been to more straight places than most straight people. That alone should attract some people to come to the party. The fact that it is run by an Asian means it’s not a predominantly black or white party. That’s a good thing because some tgirl parties attract a specific ethnic group. You have a respected member of the transgender community in Kristin Nichols co-hosting the party. That, too, should attract some more people to come. The party grows based on the synergy developed between all of its guests. Our co-hostess takes 90% of the pictures. The pictures document the party as well as give people more of me on my picture site. We have the cleanest tgirl party in America with no drugs, hookers, or police raids. If we really just had closeted crossdressers coming to my party, we wouldn’t have pages and pages of pictures of tgirls in our web site gallery!

I would argue that the transsexuals who don’t want to have their pictures taken are truly the closeted ones, but some might call what they do “stealth.” Yes, there are some closeted crossdressers at the party, but we also have lots of girls in various stages of transition, both physically and mentally. To not have a party like mine as a place where we can all meet and mingle would be a shame.

I know I’m a controversial figure and I can live with that. Some people criticize me based on what they’ve read on my web sites five, ten, or even fifteen years ago. To them, the world does not change. The people who come to my party are a progressive, dynamic, fun bunch of people who enjoy being trans, but we don’t let it consume our lives because it’s just a part of who we are. Live life to the fullest has always been my motto. Some of us have families and can’t live our ideal life, but we do what we can to live as much of our ideal life as possible. It does not make us any less of a transsexual. My party gives many girls something to look forward to each and every week. That’s why we need Monday Night Tgirls.

Everyone keeps telling me that breakfast is the most important meal of the day, but what is it that most people eat at breakfast that is supposed to be so good for you? Certainly not the greasy, crappy breakfast meats, such as bacon, ham, or sausage. Certainly not the eggs that are normally cooked in the same grease as the meat. Certainly not the gobs of butter people put on their toast. What is it then? The juice? Is a 10% real fruit juice product really going to help you? Or the cereal with its 1% protein content? Or the coffee? Or the sugar you put into your coffee? Does breakfast magically turn into something nutritious in your stomach or does it make you fat? I tried to eat the so-called American breakfast most of last week like a typical American and hoped to skip lunch as a result of eating breakfast, but it didn’t work. I found myself still eating lunch and it made me gain a couple of unwanted pounds. I would’ve been better off not introducing breakfast into my system. To everyone who wants to lose weight: the first thing you should do is lose the American breakfast.

Suppose you just finished eating dinner at a really cool, hip restaurant, you ask for the bill, and the server brings it to you and says, “Thanks, guys!” Many trannies would be offended by anyone referring to them in a masculine pronoun. Maybe these trannies are just jaded, unhip, or old, but I think they may have convinced many admirers into thinking that we’re all like that. “Of course, you know that by ‘guys’ he didn’t mean that literally,” the admirers would sometimes say to me. “Whoa, hold on,” I would say, “you don’t have to do damage control with me. I know that the server meant ‘guys’ in a colloquial sense.” A lot of tgirls need to relax and stop taking things so literally.

I met a newbie crossdresser at Monday Night Tgirls who asked me, “Do you look like this every day?” I replied yes, noting my hair and various parts of my body. “That’s real hair?” she asked, reaching over and tugging on my cowlick. “Owww! Fuck, yeah, it’s real!” I shouted. It is never a good idea to grab someone’s hair just to see if it’s real. Some girls wear hair extensions and there would be hell to pay if you loosened them. It takes a long time to grow hair of any reasonable length. Hair is sacred to a transsexual, and it is a luxury to have and maintain nice hair, so never touch another girl’s hair without her permission!

I took my son to Chinatown for dim sum at Joy Tsin Lau. We ordered a few plates of dumplings, wide flat noodles, and pineapple custard buns. An older waiter in his fifties took a liking to me. He started talking to me in Chinese, Mandarin to be exact, and out of courtesy I smiled and laughed at what he said, so he probably took it to mean I understood him. I don’t know Mandarin very well. My dialect is Cantonese, or Taishanese to be exact, but I do know a few Mandarin words here and there. He asked me how many kids I had and I said two, but one was coming in September. He looked a little confused and then mentioned he had four kids, two of whom were studying at Temple. He stopped by two more times during our meal to converse with me, refilling my tea cup and talking to me. “Gosh, I think he was flirting with daddy,” I said to my son after the waiter left. When I told this story to my wife, she said, “Maybe he thought you were a woman.” The headband, hair, eyebrows, and boobs were the minimal cues that probably convinced the waiter I was a woman and, just as astounding and confounding as before, I wore no makeup and my clothes consisted of nothing more than an oversized tee shirt and black jeans. I guess he didn’t care about my low voice! For more information on minimal cues theory, read my book, Passable!

My book, Passable, is now finished. The book is 210 pages and weighs 1.25 pounds. It is an ambitious work meant to help transgender girls learn about and develop one of the keys to their success in their transgender lives. I draw from many, many examples in my life and others, go into various do’s and don’t’s, citing specific examples, and help girls understand that passability requires more than just having confidence. There are so many crossdressers and transsexuals who can benefit from this book. Order your copy by clicking here. One thing many of you may not realize is there are gender therapists using my previous books for their research!

Are you ready to learn the secrets to becoming super glamorous and super passable? Just order copies of my videos, Secrets to an Awesome Makeover, Natural Makeup Techniques, and Totally Natural available here.

Category: Transgender Fun & Entertainment, Transgender How To