Stochastic Musings – Aliens, Critics, Sharing, Snaking, and Rape

In this edition of Kalina Isato’s Stochastic Musings Kalina talks about alien sci-fi, lasers firing into your eyes, why your worst critics can be your greatest allies, sharing is caring, temporary tattoos, and some self-preservation tips for all you club-goers out there.

I had LASIK surgery recently and four days later I saw my first film in a movie theater without wearing glasses! I’ve been wearing glasses since I was eight and have never been to a movie theater without glasses or contact lenses. It was a wonderful experience. If you’re into alien sci-fi, District 9 is a totally awesome film. The story is fresh, the acting is first-rate, the pace is fast and fun, and MechWarrior fans will love the little cameo. I saw the film with my friend Chelle.

We went to Famous Dave’s for lunch prior to the movie. When we were leaving, the manager said, “Have a nice day, ladies!” even though I wasn’t dressed as a girl! This same manager, who’s seen me many times at his restaurant with my family, asked us earlier if we enjoyed our food and I replied, “It was awesome!” in an enthusiastic boy voice. I don’t think this incident counts as passability, but more like a respect for feminine cues. If a person has a few feminine cues that sway a stranger into thinking the person is female, then it’s safer and more respectful to assume the person is female. It just came as a surprise to me that I was considered female since it’s easier to assume I was a male accompanying my female friend. “Here I go trying to look like a woman,” Chelle said, “and you don’t even have to try!”

My wife and I have a bisexual friend, Dar, a genetic girl who was a hairstylist and my worst critic in my early development years. Whenever I thought I looked totally hot, she always shot me down and told me I wore too much makeup and my hair was too wild. She was accustomed to seeing natural Asian beauty with her sister-in-law, a Korean woman, as a fine example. Straight hair, almond-shaped eyes, and a round face are all features she saw as hallmarks of beauty and she believed that if you have beautiful, feminine facial features, you don’t need to blast your face with makeup. Nowadays, Dar toots a different horn when she sees me. She thinks my new hair looks hot. The first time I wore straight hair, she gave me a look like she wanted me. I knew I was onto something at that point. Every tgirl should have a worst critic or two to give her a reality check and help guide her on the right path to passability.

I tried teaching the concept of sharing food to my sister-in-law and nine-year-old nephew. They didn’t get it. When you share food, especially Chinese food, you place the dishes you order in the center of the table so everyone has a chance to take a little bit of each dish. Some of you might call that “family style.” That way, you order just enough rather than too much food because leftovers never taste as good as fresh food. I brought out plates and silverware for everyone. When we got our delivery, my sister-in-law proceeded to chow down on what she ordered. My wife gently elbowed her and tried to explain the sharing concept to her and then she repeatedly asked my wife and I if we wanted any of her dish after she ate from it! I thought that was disgusting. What a dope! My sister-in-law has been to banquet-style restaurants before. She’s part Italian, lived in the city, and is a few years older than us, so she should know these things!

There’s a lot to be said about families who know how to share food. It teaches a lot of concepts, including togetherness, patience, fairness, and downplays a greedy, competitive, territorial attitude. I don’t know about you, but when I grew up, whenever my family or friends came to visit my house, I went out of my way to make sure they got to play with my toys and were entertained. I go to my nephew’s house and I see him playing his Wii and never once does he ask me if I’d like to join in the videogame fun. I blame the parents for letting their kids grow up to be such selfish assholes.

Besides family-style-sharing, there are two more important sharing concepts most people fail to grasp and if you master all of these sharing concepts, you will be loved and appreciated by your mate to no end. If the person you’re with is set in her ways, she won’t understand, so explain it like this. Going to a restaurant doesn’t have to be an expensive affair unless you’re going out on a date and trying to impress her. If you’re going with your family, a kid is not going to eat as much as an adult, so one entree can be split among two kids. Your wife shouldn’t eat as much as you and if you want to lose weight, one entree can be split among the two of you also. Some of you might find this frugal, but I would rather be frugal and not waste food than dump the uneaten portion of an entree and, trust me, leftovers eaten the next day really don’t taste better than food that is fresh. There is no shame in having the waiter bring extra plates to divvy the entrees. I’ve seen a family of four share one bowl of beef noodle soup meant for one. They just ordered a couple of appetizers to eat with it. The couples that stay together the longest and the families that fight the least are the ones that know how to share.

The second sharing concept is the-great-divide as in “Everyone orders a plate and let’s each divide our entrees by the number of people in the restaurant party, so three people ordering three plates would get one-third of every entree. This works out well for dinners where you want to try a little bit of everything instead of limiting yourself to one boring entree. This also works out well if you feel like stuffing yourself. The-great-divide works in restaurants where the portions are anything but small.

The third sharing concept is breakfast-breaking as in “I’m not that hungry. It’s breakfast and I just need a small bite to eat” where two girls share one entree for economical reasons and because they’re watching their weight. Very few genetic girls clean their plates like it’s their last meal on earth and there’s absolutely no logical reason why any woman should be able to eat an entire breakfast by herself. I’m sorry, but women just don’t. If you understand breakfast-breaking, you will look more like two girls eating in a restaurant rather than two guys dressed as women stuffing themselves. Breakfast-breaking works in every restaurant that’s not a fine dining establishment. In an ideal world, everyone would be sharing, very little food would be wasted, and more money would be saved.

The Libertine Ball is one of Passional Boutique‘s yearly fetish events and this year’s post apocalyptic theme probably confused many people. Peter, Kristin, and I saw lots of the usual rubber, leather, corsets, and… gas masks. Gas masks?! I guess that’s what they meant by post apocalyptic. To me, it’s about the first cybercool woman that survived world destruction. I call her CyberEve! CyberEve needs a big ass snake, so to match my snake jewelry motif, I got a silver and green snake bodypainted on me by the folks of Transformational Bodypainting, one of the vendors at the ball. The snake started with its tail on the back of my hand, coiled around the length of my right arm and shoulder, and ended with its tongue-flicking head in between my breasts. I wore pasties over my nipples while I was being bodypainted and attracted lots of spectators. I had fun with all of this by smiling and making bodybuilder poses for the onlookers every few minutes. The tattoo took over an hour to complete and was a bargain at $30. A couple of guys started conversations with me at the party, even though I wore glasses. Yay!

After the party, Peter and I stopped into the Marriott Hotel for a drink at the lobby bar. There was a big bridal reception happening there. I used the ladies’ room in the lobby to pee and primp and a young Hispanic girl remarked that she loved my tattoo. As I waited in the lobby for Peter to return from his room, many people walked in wearing UFC shirts. Apparently, a big UFC event was happening at the Wachovia Center and many of its fans were staying at the Marriott. It was pouring rain so we took a cab a few blocks to Chinatown for Peking duck and walnut shrimp. Yum!

And now for a topic that deserves special mention… RAPE… by far the most evil four-letter word on the planet. At a recent suburban transgender party, one of our transgender sisters received unwanted advances from a guy she was talking to. While the situation was vaguely described, there are implications that the described “gentleman” tried to grope her at the bar. She broke away from him, found her friends, and was visibly upset. The first thing every transgender girl must absolutely understand is no man should automatically be assumed to be a gentleman no matter how eloquently he speaks or how well he dresses or how many drinks he buys you. He has to prove that he is a gentleman and to more than just one person. In all of my years of clubbing, I’ve met many assholes who tried to slip stuff in my drinks and, thankfully, I knew the bartenders well enough to have them make new drinks for me. I trust nobody I’ve just met and it doesn’t matter if he or she is man, woman, or tgirl. My heart goes out to all rape victims. Nobody deserves to be touched without permission. Once you have these psychological scars, they stay with you for life.

How can you prevent the evil four-letter word from happening? Never trust a guy who brings a drink over to you with his hand covering the rim of the glass. You can bet he emptied whatever was in his palm into your drink. Develop a safety-check system with your friends. At least two of your friends should be able to see you at all times in the club. Create a system of hand signals to tell them to come rescue you if you feel you’re being harrassed. Count how many drinks you’ve consumed in the night. Don’t go over your limit. There are still guys who will try to get you the old-fashioned way by getting you so drunk that you can’t stop their advances. Never underestimate a guy based on his build, how he dresses, how he speaks, and how he behaves. Some guys might come off as perfect gentleman to many people, but aren’t so nice underneath. If you are in a bar and are the victim of an unwanted groping, tell the manager or the hostess of the party. You can help ban the motherfucker from the party and prevent him from possibly wrecking other people’s lives.

My book, Passable, is now finished. The book is an epic 210 pages and is an ambitious work meant to help transgender girls learn about and develop one of the keys to their success in their transgender lives. I draw from many, many examples in my life and others, go into various do’s and don’t’s, citing specific examples, and help girls understand that passability requires more than just having confidence. There are so many crossdressers and transsexuals who can benefit from this book. Order your copy by clicking here. One thing many of you may not realize is there are gender therapists using my previous books for their research!

Are you ready to learn the secrets to becoming super glamorous and super passable? Just order copies of my videos, Secrets to an Awesome Makeover, Natural Makeup Techniques, and Totally Natural available here.

Category: Transgender Body & Soul, Transgender Opinion