Stiletto Pumps in “Da” Club?

The first things you ought to consider is height, weight and color. No, I’m not talking about your next date, I’m talking about your shoes! From New York to Atlanta, to the fine clubs in Omaha, Nebraska and some of the loveliest in Los Angeles or Las Vegas; I’ve seen more women clunking around in the most god awful shoe apparel.

As you get to know me, The Artist D, you will come to find that I often feel like an alien observing humans around me. This also leads back to my family thinking I was actually hatched as a child. Nothing this fabulous could be produced the normal way, right? I digress. If there were aliens landing on the planet getting to know humans I think the first thing they would take notice to was human shoes. It’s one of the first things I notice! No matter how old I get or how many shoes I see, I always have to wonder what in the world are humans putting on their feet and why?

High Heels: Made By Men For Men (Who knew?)

High heels have to be one of the most fascinating fashion accessories we obsess over. The definition of a high heel is a projection of the back of a shoe which rests behind the heel, often to improve balance or for decorative purposes. For balance? Someone please write Webster’s right now. This definition needs to be updated ASAP! I’ve seen a lot of people walking in high heels and rarely did they proclaim their balance had improved.

As much as they can tell the Italians brought us the high heel. One of the first instances noted is back in the 1500s when the soon to be wife of the Duke of Orleans wore them to her wedding. You’ll often hear women complaining that a man must have invented the high heel. That would be because no one would ever invent such a torture device if they had to actually wear it. As far as we know a man did invent the high heel and he invented it for Louis the Fourteenth! It was after Fabulous Louis started wearing them when women liked the idea so much they started wearing them on their own. In quite an interesting turn of events one of the most feminized items of today (the high heel) practically spiraled from the fashion of a man.

Down through time we go where a woman in heels is sharp, sexy and often times very powerful. Men obsess over the sight and women seem to enjoy the image their shoes give. There’s a certain feel you get from a heel. It could be the clicky-clack it brings to your ears or how it makes your feet look extra petite. Whatever the reason may be, we still have to consider that there is a time and a place and a fashion in which the high heel gets to see the light of day.

Amanda Lepore Keeps it Simple, Just like You Should

Do you wear heels to work? You probably shouldn’t. That’s painful. Let’s continue a theme to my fashion columns and remind you that if it’s not comfortable to you then you shouldn’t wear it. Yet at the same time how can you possibly say that wearing a fierce pair of heels is comfortable? To clarify, a “fierce pair of heels” shall thus forth be known as a pair of shiny devil-red, pointy-toed, leather eight inch heeled shoes or something else extremely eye catchy.

No one should come home at night and soak their bunions because they wore an eight inch stiletto to the office that day.  On the other hand you’re wearing heels for a reason. We must disclaim that a small percentage of women do seem to enjoy and feel at home in a pair of heels. Those women are exempt from this article. The others are jeopardizing their stride by forcing their feet into heels and need some guidance.

If you need to wear heels to work or on a daily basis, whether your culture calls for it or you just feel like it adds to that image, find something comfortable. Mary Janes with chunky heels say a lot while not causing your toes chaos. Chunky-heeled boots do wonders. See a theme here? Comfort is a chunky heel. You can balance, you can walk and the toe room in such shoes is often much wider than the evil stiletto. Consider something with a nice roomy toe area and a big old chunky heel. Personally, these are my favorite kinds of heeled shoes. The chunky heels still says I’m fierce and I can balance well enough to kick ass.

Don't try this at your local grocery story!

If a night on the town is what you seek then perhaps you need to endure a bit of cramping and stuff your hooves into something a bit over the top. This is where the stiletto comes in. Certainly not for daily wear, but there is a port for every storm and the night out may call for that stilleto. They are often something you may want to be found wearing while sitting, instead of standing a lot. Stiletto heels range from short and stubby to ballet dancer ridiculous. Interestingly enough it does appear the high heels with the most hot designs are the ones that are the more difficult to wear! Quite frankly I like a nice short stiletto. Five inches is ideal and when I shop for shoes I find it harder to find a short heel. Like most fashions the most uncomfortable is the most available.

Like men measuring appendages, it’s just as silly to be measuring the size of your heel compared to your girlfriend’s. Just because yours is bigger does not make you more fabulous. If you wear high heels you better be able to walk in them. The good thing is that a transgendered woman is actually better at it than a genetic one. Whenever I work in an office atmosphere I’m always blown away at the women in their high heels absolutely staggering down the hall. Stand up straight, put one foot in front of the other and walk. If it looks like you’re on stilts, you really ought to reconsider your choice in footwear. Besides, how are you going to run from a mugger if you can’t walk in a quick straight line!?

Alien Chic

Finally, let’s all come to terms with the fact that some heels are meant to be photographed and not actually walked a million miles in. You’ve seen some photos of me sprawled seductively on a sofa with mammoth footwear. Always note that I am sitting. You won’t find me standing up in them, because shoes like that just weren’t meant to be stood in.

Footwear should be fabulous, but comfort is always key. Don’t kill yourself trying to look good or it very well may kill you (i.e. the flight of stairs vs. your Lady Gaga heels). If it doesn’t feel good, fit well or it makes you stumble around like an ass — logic dictates you look like an ass, not a fashion vixen.

“Wear shoes you can walk in and quit looking like an ass.” By yours truly, The Artist D!

Tags: featured, heels, shoes, stiletto

Category: Style, Transgender Opinion