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Silver Linings: A Review of “A Tranny’s Nine Wishes”

Sophie Lynne | Jan 21, 2013

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Review: A Tranny’s Nine Wishes by Chris Burrows

A Tranny’s Nine Wishes is an e-book by Chris Burrows published in 2010. In this format, its 108 pages long (Ed. Note: 108 in the pdf version Sophie read) separated into nine chapters. Go figure.

A quick word on my methodology here. When I review/edit/examine a book, there are three important things for which I look (thanks to my background in writing, editing, and teaching English.) They are:

What was the author’s purpose for writing the work?

Was the book executed competently given the author’s supposed intent?

Did I enjoy it?

Arguably, the last of those is the most important. Let’s face it, quality and popularity don’t often equate. I give you Fifty Shades of Gray trilogy as Prosecution Exhibit A. Total crap — wildly popular. If I were a book store owner, I’d have a display of D batteries next to the display of the books.

So, now you know how I’m approaching this. As to why I mention it, well, you’ll see.
The author of A Tranny’s Nine Wishes (TRW) is a British expat living in the Far East, primarily Bangkok and Shanghai. This area of the world always fascinated me. I looked forward to this window on the culture of the area, and the prose of a person who has lived in two very different worlds.

The book isn’t really a narrative in the traditional sense. The story revolves around the author listening to a TG friend tell her stories at a café in Singapore. So this is a transcription of this person’s tales, ala Scheherazade in Arabian Nights. This is a series of vignettes which have only the main character, Kelly Wild, in common.

Kelly works in some form of business, never specified, but it involves negotiating contracts. Her male and female names are both Kelly which would make things a bit confusing if the book had layers. But it doesn’t.

Think to yourself… as a transperson, what would your nine wishes be? Passing? Acceptance from family and friends? Dream dates? Being a natal woman? Having a baby? Not so with Kelly. Kelly is all about one thing: Sex.

Nine Wishes. Nine Vignettes. Nine Sex Stories. That’s all it is. Nine sex stories. Okay, that’s fine, as it appears Mr. Burrows intention on writing is strictly to titillate.

You’ve probably read this sort of thing before, I’m guessing. Usually it starts with “I’m a student at a large mid-western university. I never thought this would happen to me, but…”

So we have Kelly, the self-identified transvestite, who dresses as often as possible for sexual stimulation and gets laid a lot. Apparently, she’s quite passable as she’s told this in every chapter. In fact, at their base, all the chapters follow a formula. Situation set up, Kelly tells herself to keep calm as nothing will happen, crossdressing ensues, Kelly tells herself to keep calm as nothing will happen, Kelly is told she’s beautiful as a woman, Kelly tells herself to keep calm but maybe… sex, Earth shattering orgasms, denouement.

Okay, if you had nine SEX wishes, what would they be? Actually, here Mr. Burrows chooses well, as I’d bet that most TG people identify with at least some if not most of these wishes. It doesn’t spoil the surprise if I name them. All of these occur while en femme:
1. Sex with a lesbian
2. Sex with two women at the same time (and in this case, one is named Sophie)
3. Having sex with a man
4. Another lesbian “on my terms”
5. Sex with a client who “clocked” her
6. Sex with two women, one of them a TG, in a threesome
7. Sex with one of her staff
8. Sex with a Thai Ladyboy and a GG in a threesome
9. Sex with a post-op TG

As can be seen, there is some overlap in these wishes. Numbers six and nine are identical except for the TG’s nationality (and another reason which I won’t reveal.) One and four are pretty much the same as well, except that in four Kelly “converts” her to bisexuality.

Okay, so assuming that the author’s goal is to titillate, these aren’t bad scenarios from which to start. I’ll get back to this.

Let’s talk about characters, shall we? I cared less about these people then I do about a moldy piece of bread. No characterization at all. Stock characters: interchangeable and forgettable. And the protagonist Kelly? It’s really hard to like a sex addict with no redeeming qualities. But if the author wishes only to titillate, and only titillate, that’s forgivable as well. Almost.

So — no plot, no characterization, and I’m saying these are forgivable sins. (My writing professors are turning over in their graves so fast they’re like rotisseries on speed setting 11.)

What isn’t forgivable in any way shape or form is his totally ignoring his setting. He’s writing in English, which means he assumes a Western audience. He places his stories in the Far East: Shanghai, Thailand, etc. He could add SO much local color to these stories. Make us feel like we’re there with the flat stock characters. Help us understand the culture. Smell the foods.

But NOOOOOOOOOO (channeling Belushi)! The coffee shops may as well be the Starbucks down the street. The restaurant? Fridays. The bar? Insert chain here. (And what is it with all the orange juice they drink in these stories? Is THAT a cultural thing?)

So, I’ve covered plot, characterization, setting, there is no theme on conflict, so it comes down to the most important part: Did I enjoy it?

No. I can’t say I did. I kept expecting improvement, some kind of building to a plot, something aside from someone’s idea of titillation. And I’ve read better on Fictionmania and other story sites. For free. Assuming that the author wanted me to be turned on, it just left me cold. But that’s me. Others may love it.

So, if you want to read nine vignettes of what could’ve been a contender, what should’ve been part travelogue and part turn-on, then look this up. You may like it more than I do.