Retro Rerun: Holding a Position

By Stephanie K. Thomas

Just recently I realized that I had been holding onto a position for most of my life. And it was a pretty strong position at that. Here it is. I always believed that I needed to know the sex and gender of every person that I came into contact with. I found this realization pretty amazing and amusing since I myself enjoy crossdressing and enjoy being, and being regarded as Stephanie, even though I was born Steve. The wake up call around my position happened at the Fall Harvest held in Minneapolis last November. I met a whole host of kind, gentle, witty, intelligent, friendly people of a variety of genders. FTM, MTF, TS, TG, CD, intersex, gay, were many of the labels that I found spinning around in my head. The spinning made me dizzy after a while and it was then that I realized I needed to get off that merry-go-round. I really didn’t need to know the gender or sex of the person I was speaking with. All I needed to know was how gracious and authentic he/she was. And, lo and behold, almost everyone I met WAS gracious and friendly and, to boot, most of them were interested in meeting me, too! I realized that it would be rude to even ask the gender/sex of my conversation companion. I also came to realize that it was a waste of energy to even wonder about such things. So, I stopped! And besides, I had no intention to be rude or insensitive at my first transgender convention! And I certainly didn’t want to waste energy on anything other than having fun!

I thoroughly enjoyed the weekend. I was comfortable and felt accepted for who I was and how I looked. I let go of my position. And that was a breath of fresh air! I then decided that I wanted everyone to feel as comfortable and accepted by me in return. It turned out great!

Now let me tell you about the dancing! I had always wanted to dance the night away in a dress, but never had the opportunity! Well, Friday night a particularly good Twin Cities TG band, Jezebel, rocked the house. I wore my short, plum-colored stretch velvet dress with my black tights. I was ready to dance, dance, dance. And I wasn’t going to sit on the sidelines like a wallflower until someone asked me, either. That was just dumb. So when the band started playing, I started dancing. My roomie didn’t want to join me (Leah, you’ve just got to boogie down more, girl!), so I just started to strut my stuff by myself. I worked it on out by myself for awhile, enjoying the exhilaration of shaking it in that lovely dress. I was loving it! Most people were out on the floor dancing as couples and every now and then a lovely person would come up and join me for a tune or two. Then the band slowed it down and played a ballad. I slowed down too, but didn’t stop. I just swayed and twirled in front of the stage until, to my surprise, the keyboard player from the band jumped down and asked me to dance. Yikes-a-hoodi, this was new for me! He appeared to be a guy, but then, well. . .I appeared to be a girl! So, putting aside my aforementioned position, we took each other’s hands and placed our arms around each other and started to dance.

He led for a bit and that was awkward for me, so about halfway through I asked if I could lead and he graciously agreed and we glided around the dance floor until the music ended. I smiled and said thanks and he hopped back up on the stage. It was a most amazing experience! Quite refreshing and informative for me! But then the band started to rock again and I felt the need to move. I didn’t sit down once the whole evening. I truly enjoyed myself!

Saturday night after the banquet, the Fall Harvest organizers (City of Lakes Crossdressing Community) provided a DJ and karaoke. It turned out to be another wonderful night of dancing, this time in my mid-calf length, navy blue velvet gown. Once again I floated around the dance floor the entire night except for my first karaoke experience. My friend, Jessica, is quite the accomplished karaoke singer. She does a lot of Jimmy Buffet and sounds more like Neil Diamond than Neil Diamond, but in a dress! I admired her a lot for standing up on that big stage in those bright lights, singing her heart and soul out. I always wondered if I could be so bold! Well, it must have been the intoxication of the fabulous weekend en femme that gave me courage! I strolled over to the DJ and had her load up my favorite version of Gloria by the Shadows of Knight. I went to the ladies room to relieve my nervousness and got back just in time to climb the stairs to the stage and take the microphone. Okay, I had sung and played bass guitar in a rock and roll band in the mid-sixties, but it had been quite a few years since I had “got down” on stage. But as the strains of that classic guitar riff started to build, Stephanie slipped into the fantasy. My, my, THAT was fun! When I shouted out “and her name is G-L-O-R-I-Aay,” several gals and guys on the floor spelled out the letters a la YMCA. It was great! Brought back a lot of memories, made even better by being Stephanie this time. Sweet!

So, no more positions for me. They’re quite unbecoming, as well as, a waste of energy. After all, we could be dancing!

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Tags: crossdressing, featured, History

Category: History, Out & About