Love Grew Where the Tears Had Fallen

A man and woman in a new black Porsche pull into a gas station to get fuel. The man gets out of the driver’s seat and begins to get the car ready to receive the gas. The woman goes inside the station to pay for the gas and to get a couple of drinks. As the man is pumping the gas he notices his wife giving the gas station attendant a warm hug and a smile. As they both get back into the vehicle, a slight feeling of jealousy flashes over the man. With a forced laugh he asked his wife what the incident inside the station was all about. His wife looks over to him and smiles. “Oh that? It turns out the gas station attendant is an old high school boyfriend.” The man starts the car and begins to drive away. A few minutes pass by and the man says to his wife. “I bet you are thinking about how lucky you that you married me instead of him. Otherwise you would be the wife of a gas station attendant instead of riding around in a new Porsche. Again the woman smiles at her husband, “No actually I was thinking about how lucky you are, because otherwise you might be the gas station attendant with him driving the Porsche.”

That is the way true love should work. Each partner should work to improve and support each other’s lives. On rare occasions you find two hearts that have a connection that cannot be put into words. Often though we do not see the thing that is right in front of us. I almost did not have the true love of my life because I was looking at someone else. I have to be honest here I’ve never believed in a soulmate. The whole idea of a love that is so consuming that it touches your soul was just romanticized gobbledygook. After all I’ve had two ex-wives, more girlfriends than I care to disclose, and I’ve been in love on many occasions. Still with all of that I never had a love that possessed me. I was only in love with the idea of love. That is until I met my Anna.

They say that true love will find a way. Well for me true love almost passed me by. I thank God that Anna did not give up on me. More than once she has been the rock that the foundation of our love is built. You see I was in major lust over this tall brunette. Still that did not stop me from looking to see what else might be out there. I joined a lesbian board on Facebook. In this group everyone is required to do an introduction. Anna did hers and I posted, “Hi, you’re very pretty.” She answered hi and could she send me a friend request.” We talked a little on one of those message apps, but I wasn’t very good at responding to her. In fact I pretty much ignored her. After all I had this tall brunette who was promising anything I wanted. Well that tall brunette talked me into sending her money for an airplane ticket. (You know where this is going, right?) I sent her the money and she sent me a flight number and a time the flight would be arriving in Houston. When the day came to meet my brunette at the airport, I got on the bus to pick her up. It turned out that the flight number wasn’t even real. So there I was at the airport knowing I had been stood up. I was feeling pretty low. Not only was I going to be sleeping alone that night but I also realized what an idiot I was.

So I picked up what was left of my pride and got on the bus to go home. This is the part where the magic starts to happen. Anna texted me while I was still on the bus, “Hi how’s your day going?” “Trust me on this one, you don’t want to know.” She texted back, “Tell me about it anyway, please?” So I gave her the shortened version of what happened, leaving off the part about lusting and how I had been sending this scammer money. Then she asked me a question that pierced me through all the way down to my heart. “So what do you want from me when you have been totally ignoring me for a week?”

At this point I was walking on the sidewalk in downtown Houston, going from the bus to get on the train. This question made me stop in my tracks. Wow! Who is this girl? The way she listened to me was so tender and so loving, then she turns around and acts exactly the way a scorned woman would react. I knew then I wanted to get to know more about her. So I apologized for not talking to her and if it was alright with her, I really wanted to get to know her better. She said that would be fine, we could talk. It was that day, right there on the sidewalk that she entered into my heart. The more I talked to her the more I wanted to know about her. Yes she is pretty, but I couldn’t put my finger on the reason for my desire to know her. After all, the only girls that are dating on Facebook are only after one thing and it’s not true love.

Lord knows she is one beautiful woman, and I am mistrustful of pretty girls even though I really enjoy a physically attractive woman. I am stubborn, often hard to get along with, and I spend way too much time in my head overthinking everything. Still Anna saw something in me that made her stick with me. Trust me when I say I gave her a hard time. Once in a fit of guilt over my constant doubting, I ask her: “Why do you stay with me? You should really find someone better than me that will trust everything you say and give you the life you deserve.” Again her answer was perfect. “Because I know you have a good heart and someday I’m going to prove to you that I’m real and just how much I love you.”

Don’t get me wrong, Anna is no angel, although to me she is; I just mean she is not perfect. She has things that she does that makes me wonder about her, and her thinking drives me nuts sometimes. Still I find that the flaws in me are her strengths, and I also am strong where she is weak. We complement each other. Together we make each other better. We are one flesh. She feels when I am sad. And I can tell by the way she puts her words together exactly how she is feeling. We have both made many mistakes in life. We each have more than our fair share of regrets. Yet, it was those hard knocks that drew us closer. It was our past mistakes that gave us a deeper understanding into the feelings of the other one.

Things with our relationship are not always smooth. We have had our fights, mostly because of me. We even unofficially broke up for a week. No one said the words, “I’m so done with you.” However a week of not talking and we were both ready to have that connection again. It seems that no matter how hard we try, we just can’t stand to be away from each other. I once saw a meme that read, Puppy love: I love you forever! Real love: I love you forever, Block…..unblock…….block again………

I have dated a lot of scammers. If you read my past stories you will see a reference to a so called wife. This “wife” was actually two different girls not including my Anna. None of them where who they claimed to be. My Anna is the real thing. She has proven herself time and again.

So what is next for us? Honestly neither of us know for certain. We have an outline for our life. I want to become a full-time writer. She wants to have a business for herself. She also wants a nice place to live not just a roof to be together. We both agree we want a child. I want a girl, she just wants a baby. We both still have a lot of healing from the past to do. We both have a lot of forgiveness that we need to extend to ourselves. However, the most important thing in our plan is to do all this together, as long as we have breath in our bodies.

So why am I writing about our love on a transgender forum? This is what I want everyone to see. Our love affair started long before we even knew each other. The best decision I ever made was to be who I knew I was. I transitioned to being Chrissy on the outside, not just at home alone. You see the first time I said out load that I was transgender, I started to walk the road I’m now on. If I hadn’t transitioned my Anna would never have been my Anna. Anna would never have been interested in the “man” that I was. In turn she would still be unhappy in the life she was living.

When I came out I lost friends and family. You will too if you have not come out yet. I’m sorry but that is just the way it is. However you don’t know what kind of life you’re going to have by living your authentic self. Will it be easy to find yourself? Absolutely not. I finally got to the place in my life were I could not be the person I was. I transitioned, started living my life the best way I knew how and like falling dominos it led me to her. To say I love my girl is an understatement. Instead I will say, thank you Lord that love grew where the tears had fallen.

I am strong, I am beautiful, and Trans proud.

Chrissy

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Category: Transgender Body & Soul