Retro Rerun: Best Mates

By Significant Other, Colleen

We had been friends for two years, just work colleagues exchanging chit-chat, occasionally we went on outings with other work mates. As time progressed, we enjoyed each others company more and more. We became great “Movie Buddies.” We also knew we could dump our troubles on each other, although I think I did most of the dumping. The support for each other was there. We became “Best Friends.”

I found out about Claire through a work colleague, I was disappointed that I found out this way, and even when we would be having coffee after going to yet another movie, I still wasn’t told straight out. Occasionally he would pass comments referring to transgenders. Eventually I asked why he didn’t consider having a sex change. At last the door was open for us to talk about it. He showed me a picture of Claire. I didn’t have any problem with this, I became supportive, and as time rolled on our friendship became even more stable.

One night, we went to dinner with friends and had a great night. Nature took an unexpected turn and we found that we had taken a huge step forward in our relationship. Life was great, we were in love.

But it was time I met Claire. She was going to cook me dinner. I arrived at her place a little nervous. When she opened the door, I hoped the shock I experienced was not showing on my face. Before me was this woman that was supposed to be my boyfriend!

I tried to make conversation, tried not to show I was a tiny bit uncomfortable. I felt jealous of Claire because she was keeping me away from my boyfriend. ‘He’ was so close yet so far, I wanted to hold him, to kiss him, but there was a woman looking back at me. If there was one thing I knew, I was a heterosexual woman who could not be in a lesbian relationship. As soon as Claire “changed back” I was at ease again.

The next time we met, Claire and I went to a restaurant. I wasn’t at all worried about other people seeing us together. But, I felt uncomfortable because my boyfriend was gone and Claire was before me again. The ‘Little Green Monster’ had come back. When we arrived home Claire tried on a dress, as she wanted to know what I thought of it. WOW! Claire had worn slacks on both occasions, and to see my boyfriend in a dress was a little more than I could handle. Don’t get me wrong, she looked good, but how was I going to cope with this?

Different comments she had made, like wanting to wearing a wedding dress if she got married again, being jealous of my breasts etc., I couldn’t cope with. I treasured our friendship, and I was scared that I would lose it. Finally I had to say something; it was starting to worry me too much. I told him that I didn’t think I would be able to cope, and thought it better to end the relationship before it got too intense.

The week afterwards was one of the hardest times in my life. I was heart broken. I had never before felt the pain that I was now feeling in my chest. I realized that I loved this person more than anyone I had loved before. Had I ever loved before? I wanted to have my friend back! My friend, my lover, and no matter what it took I would conquer any fears, misunderstandings or doubts that I may have had.

She got some articles from the ‘Couples Network,’ I also watched a video, called ‘Just Like A Woman,’ and these helped me understand more fully what a crossdresser goes though. Most importantly, I needed to see the transition from male to female. I wanted to apply the make-up and see Claire emerge. I did this, and found it quite fun. Claire was just my boyfriend with make-up on. The green-eyed monster had gone. I had my boyfriend, and Claire–both the same person with the same heart, both loved me.

The next step was to go to a meeting of The Sea-Horse Society, a support group for transgender people in Melbourne, Victoria. I needed to do this, to mix with other cross-dressers and their partners. 

I felt positive and wanted to make Claire proud of me.

When Claire and I walked in, I felt as if I was the odd one out, I felt as if they were shy of me. This didn’t stop me. Being a generally talkative person, I settled in, and by the end of the evening I felt very comfortable and thought everyone was comfortable with me. Claire was looking out for me, but she needn’t have worried, I had a great time.

I know the articles I read and the video I watched helped me, but I believe that my positive attitude of wanting to understand, and the love I have for my boyfriend and Claire, is what made me the happy person I am today. Communication, also, is the key. Never shut each other out, nothing is insurmountable. Everything can be worked out.

Funnily enough, late one evening when I was just settling down to sleep, I had one of those half-dreams, the kind you have when you’re part way between proper sleep and just dozing. I had obviously been thinking seriously about some things that my boyfriend had said. In my dream we were getting married. As you might guess, I wore a trouser suit and Claire came down the aisle in a wedding dress to stand beside me, to be partners for life.

Editor’s Note: When this was published back in 1998 Colleen and her boyfriend were newly engaged.

Tags: crossdressing, featured, partners

Category: crossdressing