New Normal

Back in 2020-21, when Dr. Politician, M.D. and Dr. Bureaucrat, M.D. were disrupting our livelihoods in the name of keeping us alive — and eradicating disease — various hygienists (professional and amateur) went so far as to propose changes to personal and public behaviors, even to the point of discouraging handshakes and casual hugs. Some countries actually do have prior experience with this sort of thing. For example, early in the 20^th Century, Fascist Italy and National Socialist Germany devised and promoted alternative, contactless arm greetings of their own. (“Hail victory”, anyone?)

Now that the superstitious hysteria and public fascism associated with the China Overseas Viral Insecurity Disorder — an emotional and/or behavioral condition, quite distinct from the actual virus-borne disease — is receding into the past, we are finally observing the end of the so-called “New Normal” with regard to social conduct. What is now emerging looks increasingly and thankfully very much like the old normal, after all. Long may this last!

Since transitioning to a full-time feminine existence in 2020 and beyond, I consider the phrase “new normal” to have a much different (but more valid) meaning. My “new normal” in this sense is a lot like my old normal, but with a significant improvement in my professional, social and even familial relationships. I recognize that I am quite blessed in this regard. While I don’t follow news, politics, entertainment, social networks or the like, I am aware of the cool reception that often awaits TG individuals in certain public settings. I can only state that such has consistently not been my experience.

Suburban Philly is admittedly not the same as a more traditional location. Even so, I have visited Montana, sunny Florida, the rural south, the Military Academy in West Point, the Naval Academy in Annapolis, the Canadian maritimes, attended Mass at Catholic churches and cathedrals across North America, cleared airport security and foreign customs, etc. — all without incident. I actively engage the public wherever I go; in fact, more often than not, I have had conversations initiated by others who found me compelling enough to approach and speak with.

Once someone interacts with me and determines that my presence in their establishment is not likely to resemble an episode of RuPaul’s Drag Race, and that I won’t make a federal case — literally or figuratively — over any perceived slight, then everybody seems to relax. Suddenly a TG individual is no longer some remote or fictional character they have seen on a TV show or a website, but a real flesh and blood person in their physical midst (no Zoom socializing for me), with a friendly personality and pleasant conversational skills. It seems to have quite a disarming effect, even in the generally conservative and traditional circles where I tend to associate.

It likely helps that I am not a political activist. Rather than being confrontational, I have observed that a better solution is to simply work around public authorities. Prior to the advent of the independent Solidarity labor movement, the Polish people living under Communism in the 1970s chose a path of “ignoring the Communist government rather than opposing it, to build. . .an alternative ‘civil society.’”(1) Even in our more open lands, living as independently of the state as possible is always a worthwhile endeavor. In fact, “here’s my taxes, now go away and enjoy your unreal windbag debating club with your media and online sycophants” would pretty well sum up my own attitude toward government.

I personally do not understand why some adults chase after fickle public popularity. We are all supposed to have grown out of that sort of thing after adolescence. Personally, if I must choose between being popular and being respected, I will always choose the latter. If people respect you, they will eventually come to like you. Presumably there are people who dislike me for any number of reasons, so I don’t worry about my outfit potentially giving them another. In this era of “virtual” “reality”, I consider superficial friendships to not be worth cultivating.

And in fact, I have been blessed with new and improved friendships as my New Normal has unfolded. Earlier this year, a new member of our ladies group and I hit it off well personally. Being of similar age, we began to interact regularly, and we now socialize outside of group functions. To her, I have never been anything other than one of the girls. It is such a joy to have real, female friendships with growth potential — exactly the kind that I longed for when I was younger and isolated.

Happy hour!

Another girlfriend of about 20 years recently invited me to her upcoming milestone birthday party. I hadn’t seen her since before 2020 and had never previously let her in on that aspect of my life, but now that I am full time — and given that we have some potentially overlapping acquaintances — it was finally the time to tell her. As we were trading emails about the event, I acknowledged that I would be there, and decided to take the chance of including a recent casual picture of myself from this past Easter. Her response was very positive; she said that I looked great and she couldn’t wait to see me at her party.

When I arrived at the reception — a banquet room in an excellent Italian restaurant — I was wearing a colorful maxi dress, ideal for both the event and the summer heat. She greeted me immediately and with enthusiasm. We were both very pleased to see each other again after so long, and quick to congratulate and compliment each other. I spent a thoroughly enjoyable evening socializing and dining with dozens of her family and friends, male and female alike. The only time the subject ever came up was when she asked me a few thoughtful questions at one point, while making it clear that it was absolutely no issue with her at all. It was a wonderful time and we plan to get together very soon to catch up further.

  A joyful celebration!

Recently, I paid a visit to a local parish for confession. It had been a few weeks, and I was definitely in need. As it was a pleasant pre-summer weekend, I wore a modest light blue tank top and a white cotton eyelet skirt. The priest was of senior age, and since I had never met him before, I chose the in-person option (i.e. not behind the screen). He heard my confession, gave me genuine and thoughtful spiritual counsel suited for what I had told him, and finally offered me absolution. He was a real gentleman, from a traditional religious community affiliated with the nearby university of which I am a graduate.

So at least in this elderly priest’s eyes, being transgender was no impediment to being reconciled with the Church, and participating in sacramental life. The subject never even arose, and the opportunity was obviously there. I performed my penance and left shortly afterward, grateful to have received divine grace and mercy.

These are merely a few recent, fulfilling examples of an authentic “new normal” for myself and those around me. It seems much like the old normal, but with everything much more relaxed and accessible. So far, we are finding it quite agreeable. Long may this last also!

(1) O’Sullivan, John. The President, The Pope, and the Prime Minister. Washington, DC: Regnery Publishing, 2006 (p. 17).

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Tags: featured, opinion, Transgender

Category: Transgender Opinion