Moving On

My wife and I separated recently, with the divorce to be finalized early next month. And one might accuse me of moving too quickly, but I’m already thinking of dating. Okay, I’m not exactly thinking of finding someone to date, but I am thinking about some of the technical aspects of dating.

Why? When I am actually ready to open my life up again, I’m going to have to really open my life up. I won’t get involved with someone unless they know about my transgenderedness and are okay with it. I don’t think it fair to keep such a big part of who I am hidden away from someone I’m involved with. (I dare you to diagram that sentence!)

But, here’s the problem: coming out. My soon-to-be-Ex knew from day one. We met while I was dressed, so it was never a secret. But I can’t count on being that lucky again. The odds of finding another woman as open have to be slim-to-none.

So, working on the assumption that I’ll eventually meet someone I like, and with whom I want to be intimate, I’ll have to come out. Because they’re probably going to notice the shaved legs anyway.

But, how to do it? Sure, there’s always the simple and direct, but it sounds so cheesy in my head: “I’m a crossdresser.” It just has a 1950s feel to it.

For someone outside the “lifestyle”, the term “transgendered” has such a clinical ring to it. The more familiar “t-girl” is probably too casual, and confusing.

“Transvestite” is right out, as it has a fetish quality to it that’s just not me.

I want to use a term that’s accurate, but also has a reference in the straight world. Most people know what a drag queen is, and while I’ve done drag, and my look flirts with drag, (big hair, big makeup, false eyelashes, sparkles), most people associate drag queen with lip-syncing gay men.

All of this is predicated on meeting and coming out to a woman. I haven’t ruled out dating a man. Of course, most men have ruled out dating me. As a t-girl, I typically hang out in gay bars, and the men there are usually not into dating crossdressers. And rare is the admirer who shows up at a gay bar. Soooo, if I do meet a guy, it will probably be while I too am in guy mode.

But, then, the question still stands: how do I come out to them?

I have this scene from Ed Wood seared into my head, as Ed comes out to Kathy (around 7:30). Johnny Depp had it down perfectly: the nerves, the hestitation, the fear of rejection. But I don’t want to be like that.

I want to introduce someone to my other life with confidence. I want their first glimpse behind the curtain to be a positive one. Because people react to other people’s reactions. And if one is comfortable and secure in the coming out, it will be that much better received. Most likely, anyway.

So, how do I say, “hey, I like to dress up like a woman and hang around in bars,” without it sounding weird?

Category: Blogroll, Transgender Opinion