Metamorphosis Chapter 16

[Chapter 1] [Chapter 2] [Chapter 3] [Chapter 4] [Chapter 5] [Chapter 6] [Chapter 7] [Chapter 8] [Chapter 9] [Chapter 10] [Chapter 11] [Chapter 12][Chapter 13][Chapter 14][Chapter 15][Chapter 16]

All those long nights Adam and I spent together conversing about nothing in particular, combined with the bond we shared about our feelings, sexuality, and life, didn’t seem to add up to the bitter end Mark described. I don’t know if I accept it. I won’t allow myself to buy in to such a nightmare.

My heart and mind engage in a duel to the death. If Mark is correct, then I guess I am actually dead and there is nothing worth fighting for now. If I am to believe in Lydia, then I wish I could remember something, anything, that supports her claims.

My eyes burn as they well up with tears. My heart weighs one thousand pounds as I sink into this bed. I search my memories trying to figure out if death was caused by my own hand as Mark stated.

Suicide? I’ve feared death my entire life and I don’t see ever resorting to taking my life, no matter what the reason. In the moment extreme decision making wasn’t my style.

Perhaps the disappointment was too great for me to overcome. After all, my feelings for Adam were strong and Lydia had seen right through the emotionless facade I wore on my face daily. Mark had cast more than a shadow of doubt in my mind about whom to trust in this terrible, horrible place. I can’t place faith in anyone right now. 

“Raquel, why would I lie to you? It’s like lying to myself—it just doesn’t work.” Mark made an excellent point. Why would I lie to myself? 

I wipe the tears from my eyes and glare at Mark as he hovers over me. I ponder on his words and question them aloud, “okay, suppose you’re right and this is the end, then why is the Magistrate so angry with me? Why did he bring us here to this house? Is this hell? Is the Magistrate the Devil himself?”

Mark sits beside me, places his hand on my shoulder and responds, “this can’t be hell. It’s purgatory and we’re being judged. The job of the Magistrate is to do just that. They handcuffed you for your own good. It’ll slow you down so you can think for a few moments without dealing with that stupid witch messing with your mind. Now is the time we can right the wrongs in our lives. Don’t you want to do that? Don’t you want to be normal? Live a normal life?”

Mark used the term ‘normal’ as if we were some kind of abomination of nature. I’ve always believed any god, magistrate, or supreme being would love and accept all people. There is a tiny flame inside my heart which burns giving me a glimmer of hope, guiding me to the conclusion that this is a lie.

I stare into my lap and respond, “No.” A simple word that means so much. No, I will not give in to this lie and no, I will not live a life that someone else thinks I should live and no, I don’t want to right any wrongs because there are none. I will not be judged by anyone who thinks I’m confused. This is who I am. This is who I’ve always been. Everyone can kiss my ass! 

“What do you mean, no?” Mark’s tone is different, it went from soft and compassionate to brash and agitated.

“I mean, no! You can’t convince me anything you say has any merit. You’re the one who is lost, not me. You need to look deep inside yourself and find the real you because I cannot recognize myself from this coward you’ve become. I possess strength from within. This has guided me my entire life. I know what is right and what is wrong. This world is wrong. No one will tell me otherwise – not you or the Magistrate! I am Raquel and I’ve always been. Release me and I will leave in peace so you can live the life you’ve claimed to always have wanted. It’s time I’ve accepted myself and thank you for speeding up the process. I am transgender and my name is Raquel. It’s your turn.”

A tear falls from Mark’s eye. I pray he understands we need each other now more than ever. As water streams down his face he trembles and places his head in his hands. He mumbles incoherent words as I watch him let out his emotions. He looks up at me at responds, “I guess there’s only one thing left to do.” He shakes his head, cocks his arm back and cracks me across the face with the palm of his hand. I writhe in pain as he wipes tears away with the other hand, and bursts out into maniacal laughter. 

“What the hell?” I moan. My face stings and I want to cry but I don’t. I won’t give this bastard the satisfaction.

“I’m sick of you going back and putting this on me. I didn’t drink the damn potion. I didn’t take the steps you took. Look at you now, handcuffed to a bed—helpless. Where’s that strength you talked about? Huh?” I turn my head in the opposite direction. Mark stomps around the bed to face me again.

“You want strength, I’ll show you strength.” I reach for the tray of pot pie and shovel fork after fork of that shit straight down my throat. Mark smirks as I scarf down the food. His familiar face is frozen with surprise. I don’t care anymore for this place, these rules, or these people. I’ve all but given up on finding my way home. Maybe this poisonous food will kill me and send me to a place where love reigns.

“Well. That was unexpected. I can’t believe you ate the food. You’re much weaker than we imagined. As stubborn as you are, we guessed it would take days, not hours!” Mark chuckles.

“We?” I feel woozy, dizzy.

“You must have known I wasn’t you from the beginning. I was only here to destroy you and it looks like I’ve succeeded. I’m surprised that witch of yours didn’t realize it herself. The Magistrate is resourceful, wouldn’t you agree?”

“You… can’t… hurt… me.” I’m remain awake and hear Mark but can no longer speak. He better pray we don’t cross paths again.

“Strap yourself in girl. You’re in for the ride of your life.” Everything goes dark, but Mark’s voice still lingers, “Now, you will face your judgment.” Familiar laughter echoes through my mind as I lose consciousness.

To be continued. . . .

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Category: Fiction, Transgender Fun & Entertainment