Living with a Crossdresser

Occasionally, I am asked whether my husband knows about my blog and the private details of our life I have shared with strangers around the world. I can say with a fair amount of certainty that the answer is no; he does not. I think if he knew, his reaction would be disbelief, shock, and anger — not unlike the powerful emotions I experienced when I found him pimping himself out on the internet through Craigslist and his Fetlife profile.

Long before I launched my website in June 2021 with the intimate details of my experience living with a crossdresser, I was writing the story in my head. Mostly during long, sleepless nights as I tried to digest the truth and the consequences of my discoveries. Eventually, I started to write out the events as a means of self-soothing. I found the power of the written word remarkably therapeutic. They were my words based on my feelings, and as the words flowed, they served as a much-needed release from the heartache I experienced after each discovery.

Before my website was launched, I had already sought counseling with a sex therapist who helped me understand the psychology behind my husband’s behavior. I had spent countless days reading everything I could about crossdressing and transgender issues to educate myself on the community in which I found myself a member. The counselor thought other cisgender women who were in similar situations might find it helpful to know they were not alone and might benefit from my endurance through those dark days, so I turned my journal into a website.

Joining online forums, such as TGForum, helped me understand the nature and motivations of CD/TG people and their many struggles to find peace and acceptance in a world mostly uneducated and fearful of such lifestyles. However, one site banned me after accusing me of promoting my “fantasy” blog, but I believe it had more to do with my views than sharing my website. I applaud TGForum for having the courage to publish my experiences and perspectives as prickly as they may be.

Later, I found a private support group of cisgender women who asked me to affirm that I would not reveal the group’s name, its location, or any of the member’s identities. There is comfort in knowing there are women worldwide who share these unusual experiences. There, I learned many wives did not come out whole after secrets were revealed or felt their marriage was a charade. (The results of an informal poll collecting these wives’ experiences can be found in last month’s TGForum blog.)

This is certainly not the life I had planned for myself after my previous marriage ended in divorce after 15 years. I hastily got wrapped up in a new and exciting relationship with someone I barely knew but who presented sensual ventures I had never experienced before. Some of the qualities I loved and admired about my husband in the early days of our relationship are still there, but at times I regret not paying more attention to the early warning signs of his broader deceptive tendencies and not asking the right questions about his closeted cravings.

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Category: crossdressing