How to Play Better Golf en Femme

Have you ever studied the magazine racks at airports and book stores? Have you happened to notice how many magazines devoted to the sport of golf there are? Have you noticed how magazines such as Golf Digest have articles on virtually every aspect of the game — driving, putting, sand play, etc. They also feature articles on interesting places to play the game. The most interesting places usually are the ones that have placed an ad in the magazine. They also will give advice on the latest in equipment.

Coincidentally the best equipment will also be found in the advertising section. Finally there are usually at least a few articles on how to play a better game featuring advice for the low-handicapper, for the high handicapper, for seniors, for women and almost any other sub-market of the game.

However in all my years of browsing these magazines I have never seen an article specifically aimed at my market demographic — the crossdressing golfer. I am not sure why this oversight has occurred. We may be a very small subset of a large market but we deserve and can probably use some good advice. So enough is enough I have decided to write the article myself. I’m calling it:

How to Play Better Golf En Femme : Wear Shorter Skorts and Make Longer Putts

By Linda Jensen

You may think it’s an easy thing for a genetic male to play golf en femme — just put on a skort, move up to the forward tees and swing away. It’s not that easy. Here are some tips to make the game go easier.

Preparation:

Choose the right outfit. Most gg’s would not be seen dead on a golf course without a coordinated skort, shorts or capri and top. The hat or visor should match, too.

Choose the right inner wear. The golf stance and swing puts extra pressure on any bra. A bra too loose could cause it to drop a breastform. There can be few worse experiences than to be hitting that great drive on the first tee only to feel one of your boobies sliding out of the bra and on to the ground in front of you. Well it would be worse if the group that will be playing behind you is already up at the tee. (Here the golf magazine will try to insert an ad from Wonderbra or perhaps for the Nike Sports bra) However, I’m getting ahead of myself.

Prepare for the weather. Your make-up should be able to withstand the rigors of several hours in the sun and heat. If you naturally tend to sweat, like I do, that sweating will be exaggerated under a wig and behind breastforms. Sweat dripping down your face can be disconcerting to you and to your playing partners, especially if it takes some mascara and eyeliner with it. On the hot days I’ll put absorbent towels (an ad for Bounty here) between my scalp and wig and under my boobies. I’ll also take along a replacement supply to put in fresh towels at each restroom I pass.

Choose the right golf course. If not being ‘outed’ matters to you then do not choose your regular golf course. The boys may not recognize you under that beautiful blonde wig but someone surely will recognize your car, your golf bag or your signature swing. A road trip may be in order for your femme game.

Choose the right partners. Enough said. However if you absolutely can’t find a partner you have two choices — show up alone or see if your area has a gay golf group which will likely welcome TG members. I am a member of two GLBT golfing groups in Canada.

When playing alone or with friends book your tee time online. This should overcome any voice insecurities you may have and usually leads to a bigger discount, too.

Try to book as a foursome but, if you can’t find three playing partners, book for off-peak time or be prepared to be paired up with other golfers. (Look here for an ad from Golf Now or another golf time reseller)

Arriving at the Course

Be friendly: The course staff may be wary of the tall, husky ladies with the big feet but a friendly hello goes a long way towards putting them at ease.

Tip the bag attendant. Money opens a lot of doors and paves a lot of paths. Bag staff talk to other staff. Let the word get around that ‘those two girls are all right.’

Have your online paperwork in hand. On the very slight chance that someone in the pro shop will want to say ‘hey you two dudes don’t meet the dress code’ he will be stopped by the presentation of paperwork showing you have already paid for the round. It’s probably not worth the hassle for them to issue a refund then deal with the discounter.

On the course

Choose the right tees. You may be a boomer playing from the tips back home but here you are a lady. Take what they give you.

Adjust your swing for the changes to your upper body. In a perfect golf swing all the body parts work in unison: a coordinated clockwise recoil is followed by a coordinated counter clockwise swing. However most of us do not have a perfect swing. Often our arms, shoulders and torso turn at different rates. If that happens to you your arms will cross your chest — twice — and that will affect your swing.

Adjust your swing also if you have decided to switch your regular equipment for a set of ladies’ clubs. Typically the lighter, shorter shafts will also be much whippier. They are designed for slower swing speeds and work really well if you can get the right tempo. Stores like WalMart, Dick’s and Sports Authority sell perfectly good sets of women’s clubs starting at about $150. (Look here for an ad from WalMart, Dick’s or Sports Authority and to see reference to the other two dropped from the article)

Once your game begins make sure you follow the usual golf etiquette — replace your divots, rake the bunkers and sand traps and fix your ball marks on the greens. Most importantly keep up just behind the group in front, not just in front of the group behind or be prepared to stand aside. You are out to enjoy the day and you are not in any rush to end this perfect outing. However the guys behind may not be so patient. You can engender a lot of good will by following these golf courtesies. It is funny but most golfers have no problem with ‘dudes in drag’ but cannot tolerate anyone who let space open between them and the group in front.

Be friendly to the beverage girl and tip her well. Word goes around golf course. On some courses the girl, in search of greater tips, will have dressed as if she is on her way to a drag disco. You can learn a lot from her, too.

Use the ladies room as a lady would. Let not the word go round the golf course that ‘one of those girls left the toilet seat up’ or worse ‘one of those girls peed on the seat’.

19^th Hole

Feel free to shop in the pro shop and enjoy refreshment in the club restaurant. Income for the course creates good will for the golfer wanting to make a return visit.

However you may want to make sure your makeup is fresh and your hair is in place before entering one of these places. A round of golf can be tough on any woman’s appearance.

Golf is a wonderful game for the t-girl. It takes us way out of the closet but is still a mostly controlled environment. It is so wonderful that just like there is a program called ‘The First Tee’ to give youngsters exposure to the game I have proposed to the US Golf Association that they start a similar program for us. It will be called ‘The First Tee-G.’

Take the tips above to heart and get your pretty tush to the golf course. However, before you go be sure to invite me along. I’m always looking for a game.

Tags: featured, golf

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