Hindsight: 2020

As autumn continues and Thanksgiving approaches (for we TGForum readers in the lower 48, that is), it would seem like a good time to take stock of 2020 and consider all the things that we really do have reason to be thankful for this year. And despite everything that has occurred, it’s easy if you try.

Personally — all of the excessive, overheated political rhetoric aside — I am thankful to live in a free society where we are governed by laws, and not by politicians or parties. And, writing in mid-November, I am especially glad to see all the campaign signage finally removed from front lawns and street corners! Now perhaps it will finally be possible to resume the truly important business of following athletes, celebrities and foreign royalty on “social” media. (Yes, that prior sentence was sarcasm. Thank you for indulging me this once!)

And I’m very grateful to know just how supportive the average person can be with regard to the transgender individuals in their midst. For me, having effectively transitioned to full-time living this year, this has been one of the most pleasant discoveries I have made. Several of the more memorable examples follow.

TGForum readers may recall that I had successfully re-debuted at my workplace this past winter, just prior to our conversion to remote employees for the time being. This summer, I was surprisingly recruited to fill a newly created (and highly visible) analyst position in our project management department. I truly enjoy the role, and my new colleagues, most of whom I had already known at least professionally for several years.

As a result, I work with and report to women for the first time in my professional life. They are thrilled to have me onboard, and are free with compliments when they think I look nice, even if it’s only via Zoom for now. (When we were all being compared to Peanuts characters recently, I was very flatteringly identified with Violet — in part because she was “the pretty one”.) I long for the day when we can all be together again.

October is on my forearm!
(apologies to Tom Clancy).

(Our office Halloween festivities were held remotely this year, and my costume was called Red October. As you can see, I once again used this day as an occasion to go glam!)

Personal respect was also forthcoming from medical offices. My PCP, dentist, allergist and dermatologist all freely adopted feminine honorifics with me this year. In each case, it was the result of my simple, polite request as to whether the (masculine) patient name historically associated with my medical record could possibly be updated to the legally valid (feminine) nickname that I use normally.

In the summertime, when an intimate apparel boutique that I had patronized since 2010 changed proprietors, I made an appointment for a consultation with the new store manager. After reviewing my needs and fashion preferences, she and the owner happily collaborated to identify some ideal bra selections for me to choose from. When I returned a week later for the fitting, the process was personable and fun, and I could not have been more pleased with my purchase.

When it became necessary to have two windows replaced in my home, I called in a service order to the remodeling company that had performed the original installation back in 2009 (pre-transition). A casual comment by the scheduler indicated that the company had been completely closed for the entire duration of the state shutdown, which I had not known and was truly dismayed to learn for their sake. Under the circumstances, it took a few additional months to get the necessary items manufactured and in stock.

The repair work took place on a warm October weekday, and the process was as close to perfect as it could have been. When the installer arrived (on time), I greeted him in pretty casuals (pink tank, floral shorts and a leopard print mask), and directed him to the work areas. He addressed me as “ma’am” throughout, and worked quickly, safely and quietly (especially important, since one of the windows was in my office where I myself was working).

After he finished his work, I thanked him and — realizing that he may have been furloughed all spring — offered him a generous cash tip for his time and effort. He politely indicated that it was not necessary, and I just as politely asked him to please accept it. When he finally did, he took my hand and said “God bless you, ma’am.” In so doing he showed me more respect and kindness than he may have realized, and paid me a great compliment. (The last thing visible when leaving my home is a Holy Family icon present at my door.)

Oh no. . .they say she’s got to go. . .
Go go Bridezilla! (apologies to Blue Öyster Cult).

In other developments, visiting a TGForum member’s personal blog inspired me to contact a prestigious local wedding shop for an appointment to try on a gown or two or three. Although I admitted from the outset that I had no active wedding plans, the staff was completely helpful and attentive during my visit, and I even found a dress and veil I would conceivably say “Yes” to.  The likelihood of a wedding in my future is admittedly all but nil; nevertheless, I truly appreciated their time and consideration. I made certain to send the staff a note of thanks, and I remain on their mailing list. (Perhaps one day I’ll be a bridesmaid!)

Additionally, a major networking site on which I am registered suddenly decided to start using neutral pronouns for its entire membership. And even with my TG status discreetly mentioned in my personally composed profile text, I occasionally receive polite introductions from local members – one of whom, after a few days of respectful correspondence, inquired as to my availability to meet.

We subsequently got together at a local park one autumn Sunday afternoon on the open grounds, sharing a peaceful stroll with delightful conversation for about an hour before ultimately going our separate ways. It was so wonderful to meet someone courteous, be paid attention to, be reminded that we all were made to be social human beings, and remember how civilized life can be.

Our ladies group at my church resumed our social activities recently, and I was grateful to be involved in the planning for our annual craft fair, including the preparation of an event program for our silent auction. As usual, my main role at the fair itself was staffing the bake sale table, which I contributed to with several homemade goodies of my own. The event was blessed with perfect weather, was extremely well-attended, and a safe, enjoyable time appears to have been had by all, which was by far the most important thing. Seeing us as an intact family once more was truly fulfilling.

And since I’ve been fortunate to remain employed — with some personal expenses (fuel, fitness, cosmetics, etc.) dropping significantly — it has been possible to increase my charitable giving levels, which I intend to sustain. More time can be devoted to hearth and home, and in getting to know neighbors that I otherwise would not see. (I even learned how to change the wiper blades on my car. Another item added to my skill set!)

So even in less than ideal circumstances, it is possible to find the silver lining on the cloud. Instead of looking at this period as something to simply be endured, try seeing it as a time for opportunity. An attitude of gratitude is always worth cultivating!

Tags: featured, Transgender

Category: Transgender Opinion