Hello TG Forum! Meet 17-year-old M
My name is M. I am 17 years old, and I live in Montgomery County, Pennsylvania. I was recently invited to write monthly here, as the editor was interested in adding a teen perspective to the forum. I am about to enter my senior year in high school. While I have struggled with school in the past, I feel very confident moving forward. I’m ready to be done with high school. My passions in life include music (I play guitar, write song, and sing) and writing (mostly poetry or autobiographical fiction). I want to help people. My goals in life are to publish a book, become a psychologist, and fight for the causes I think need my attention. I am a Wiccan, and I believe in the power of energy. I am also a vegetarian who strives to fight against animal cruelty. I am all of this, but above all, I am Transgender.
I identify as genderfluid or genderqueer (more specifically a genderfluid demigirl, but that’s a lot of words). I feel that my gender identity can not be oversimplified by words like “Boy” or “Girl.” In general, I present as a girl, and that is usually how I introduce myself to people who are not trans or allies. I’ll admit, I’m not super feminine (I only like dresses some of the time), but I’m not super masculine either. I have tells about how I’m feeling on specific days. My close friends have picked up on these things in the past. For example: my classic summer masculine outfit consists of a snapback hat, jogger shorts, my favorite jean vest, and a tee-shirt, usually for a punk band. On my more feminine days, it’s usually either a dress or a tank top with short shorts. Usually it’s somewhere in between the two. I have been able to come out with relative ease, which I am very thankful for. Except for a few bigoted kids at my high school, it all went pretty smoothly. I came out in 9th grade. I first came out to two people who are still my best friends, both of whom are trans males. That was during my first week at a new school. I had this feeling about them that I could trust them. We walked around town and discussed our families, God, and our genders. That December (2014), I told my three best friends that I would prefer to be called Maria. How I came to pick that name is a long story that I’m sure I’ll eventually write about here, but it was half ironic and half a reference to my favorite song.
I lived in a boys’ dorm for 2 years before the Transgender Policy was written at my school. I was a driving force for that policy, and although there were several trans students at the school, I was really the only one who fought super hard for it. What can I say, I really don’t identify with boys. I ended up living in a girls’ dorm for my junior year before I had to leave the school. Everyone was super accepting of me, and most people were respectful. Of course, I did get dead named several times in the coming out process, and I have gone through three names. M was a nickname given to me by my family when I was picking a name.
My family has also been pretty accepting of me and my gender. I am very thankful to have only had to cut out a few people from my life. My mom and I fought a lot over my gender, and I felt like she didn’t care. But now I know that she always tries to do what is best for me, even if I occasionally disagree with it. My father never really confronted me about my gender, but we’ve always connected through music, so I’ve used that to get him used to the idea of my gender. He and I attend concerts a lot of the time, and we’ve seen Against Me! once. (For those of you who don’t know, the lead singer of Against Me!, Laura Jane Grace, is a trans woman). At one point, I read the book Gracefully Grayson by Ami Polonsky, and I gave my copy to my parents so that they could read about a trans girl. It was a very helpful book to me, and it helped my parents understand that this isn’t a choice.
On a medical note, I have been on a combination of Estrogen, Spironolactone, and Synarel since August 31st, 2016. However, I started Synarel, a testosterone blocking nasal spray, on April 26th, 2016. I am again very lucky to have not run into any gatekeepers in my experience, however my first therapist did tell my mom “there’s no way that he’s trans. He’s just gay.” That set things back a bit. I eventually got the therapist to understand that I am super serious about my gender, and that this was not a phase. While I have gone through periods of being unsure about things, I’ve realized that a word I really identify with is ‘Queer.” I know that that word was originally a slur, but I believe that it should be taken back by the LGBTQ community. Queer, to me at least, is an all encompassing word. It can mean whatever you want it to mean really. To me, when I say that I’m queer, it’s my way of saying “it’s complicated.”
All in all, I truly believe that people are (most of the time) good. People who we think of as bad are often just misguided. My experience has been overall positive. Yes, I have had a breakdown in front of a mirror, and I have a terrible fear of public bathrooms, but I recognize that things are getting better. And while the U.S. may have hit a roadblock (Trump), I truly believe that things are getting better. It is a generally accepted believe in Wicca that the earth is good, and that if you put out positive energy, positivity will come your way. Thank you so much for reading my first post! I look forward to getting to know everyone who is a part of this community. I hope you have a wonderful rest of your day (or night)!
Blessed be,
M.
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Category: Transgender Body & Soul