Gender Border Crossings

Kimberly

As I write this I am getting ready to meet a friend at a local mall in broad daylight. It will be the latest installment of thousands of episodes of Kim’s Adventure Time. For someone like me who is straddling the fence, living a life that is compartmentalized, it’s a bit more work for me to get out and about, and then come back home, that it would be for someone who has transitioned to living full time as a female. Always the question that keeps getting asked of me is “What will the neighbors think?” or “What if you get stopped by the police in full Kimberly ensemble?”

I don’t really care what my neighbors think because I don’t even know most of them, but as a peaceful person I also am not inclined to be in their face about something they might not have accepted yet. And so because of that, I have a “go kit” that I take with me in my car, allowing me to put a pair of nondescript blue jeans and a zip up sweatshirt over my Kim clothing as I prepare to drive home at whatever hour I am returning. If it’s pitch dark outside, so much the better. But if it is broad daylight when I am coming back, my spouse would not be too pleased if I am wearing a pink blouse and wig as I drive up the street. So I take the jeans and sweatshirt with me and do a little change-out in the car before I come home. Additionally, I take a health supply of clean cotton disposable pads and makeup remover with me, so I can get rid of all traces of makeup before I go home. Although I look very androgynous in any case and often get called ma’am when I am dressed in unisex clothing with no makeup on, nevertheless I prefer to be on the safe side and avoid wearing mascara and eyeliner when I drive up and down my street. This routine with the extra layer of clothing works better if the weather is cool. If it’s really hot outside, then it complicates things. That is a topic for another essay.

And what if the police stop me? Well, first of all, be a careful driver. That goes without saying. But someone else might run into you, of course. Or you might be ten over the speed limit and get pulled over. Being Kim means so much to me that I don’t mind what the police think, and in fact they are so busy with serious matters that they really don’t care if you are still legally a male, but are presenting in public as a female. In California at least, there is nothing wrong with what you are doing, so don’t sweat it. Someone suggested that I tell the police I am going to a costume party if I get pulled over. But I often go out for breakfast at 6:00 a.m. A costume party at 6:00 a.m.? I don’t think so. You don’t owe the police or anyone else an explanation for just being yourself. So be a law abiding citizen and the chances are things will take care of themselves. If you need to use the restroom, try finding a private locking restroom (like at Starbucks) if at all possible. If none is available, you will have to use the ladies room. That’s a lot easier if you are passable or blendable. Guidance for using the ladies room can get complicated, so we can cover that in another essay.

Happy out and about time! I still remember the first time I presented in public as a female. It was so wonderful that I almost couldn’t believe it. Thousands of times and years later, I feel so much at peace when I can get out, which is several times per week. I hope it is as rewarding and fulfilling for you, as it is for me.

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Category: Transgender Body & Soul, Transgender How To