Dina’s Diner 9/19/22

THINK POSITIVE, GET POSITIVE

I came across an article about “affirmations” on the crossdressing site Roanyer.com. It was headlined How Affirmations Help Crossdressers Overcome Stress. It is in the blog section of the website.

The article explains, “Affirmations are positive statements that you repeat to yourself. They help you feel more confident, clear-headed, and focused. Affirmations are a form of positive self-talk. They’re a great tool for boosting your confidence and keeping yourself on track when you’re trying to change your life in some way.”

If you’re like me, you might sort of pooh-pooh the idea of using affirmations to buck yourself up. But when I thought about it, I have used something similar to affirmations to motivate myself at times — and I bet you have too.

If you’ve ever doubted your ability to do something and then talked yourself into giving it a go after thinking about it for a while, you probably used something akin to affirmation statements perhaps subconsciously. If you ever chided yourself for not being able to do something and muttered “It’s not brain surgery,” that’s akin to affirming your ability to perform a difficult task. In my case, it’s motivated me to try things in home repairs, hobbies, my career, and, yes, crossdressing.

It may not always work the first time and some repair projects and creative attempts disproved the affirmations that motivated me to try some of those things. But there are plenty of times when I was successful after pep-talking myself into something. In retrospect, the failures are laughable but the successes stay with you and keep you going forward.

The article suggested, “For example, if you’re struggling with feeling like your crossdressing is a bad thing, try saying something like ‘I am happy as a crossdresser.’ You could also try saying things like ‘I am confident in my ability,’ ‘you’re not weird or strange,’ or ‘it’s okay to live your life the way you want to, and it’s okay to be who you are’ and lastly, ‘my femininity is the key to my success as a human being, not a reason to be ashamed or feel inadequate in some way.’ By affirming that as a crossdresser you deserve good things, you open yourself up to the possibility of receiving those good things in your life!”

Affirm yourself. Turn your frown upside down. Be a confident crossdresser. “Atta girl!”

THOSE LIPS!

The website Crossdresser Heaven had an article about lips that appeared on August 26, 2022. Other than picking out the right tube of gloss, we probably don’t think too much about our lips. The article had quite a lot of information about our lips that I found interesting.

First, a little biology: “The skin of the lip, with three to five cellular layers, is very thin compared to typical face skin, which has up to 16 layers. Because of this thinness, the blood vessels appear through the skin of the lips, which leads to their notable red coloring. The skin of the lips contains more melanin and thus is visually darker. The skin of the lip forms the border between the exterior skin of the face, and the interior mucous membrane of the inside of the mouth. The lip skin is not hairy and does not have sweat glands. Therefore, it does not have the usual protective layer of sweat and body oils to keep the skin smooth, inhibit pathogens, or regulate warmth. For these reasons, the lips dry out faster and become chapped more easily.”

The article also points out that lips — as the opening and closing gateway to our mouths — are crucial to eating and holding our food and drink. But the function of the lips are also important in everything from breastfeeding, to facial expressions like smiling or frowning, to language articulation, or to whistling. The article points out: “Because of their high number of nerve endings, the lips are an erogenous zone. They play a crucial role in kissing and intimacy.”

As a focal point of our face, the lips play an important part in sexual attraction. “Lip size has been linked to sexual attraction in both men and women. The researchers found that a small nose, big eyes, and voluptuous lips are sexually attractive both in men and women. Also, the lips of females may temporarily swell during sexual arousal from the infusion of more blood.” You can understand now why makeup that makes the eyes appear larger or makes our lips appear more dark and plump came about in the first place.

The article also points out yet another maddening biological difference between men and women. “Human lips are unique in both their construction and purpose, but those of a female are different [from men’s]. Female lips are lusher and fuller than male lips, which are typically thinner in width, shape, and in skin thickness. Female lips tend to be much closer to the nose than male lips.” I bet you never thought about the space between your nose and your lips, did you? I sure as hell didn’t. So there’s another place where men and women diverge. When you think about all the things we have to disguise, enhance, minimize, attract attention towards, or deflect attention from, we crossdressers should get medals or something just for trying.

A THIN LINE BETWEEN LOVE AND HATE

The Huffington Post online magazine had an interesting article headlined It’s Time to Address the More Subtle Forms of Asian Hate. It appeared on August 26, 2022. The author, Evelyn Nam pointed out that the much-publicized recent uptick in anti-Asian hate crimes has roots in less visible forms of racism against Asians. She writes, “Many acts of hatred toward Asian women are rooted in Asian misogyny, which is often disguised as a popular and accepted narrative about ‘loving’ or preferring Asian women.”

Going far back in time, Ms. Nam says that white women often defended Asian immigrants. “But their intentions weren’t exactly noble: Without Asian women’s domestic service, their homes would have been a mess, and, well, they would have had to mop their own floors. Some of these white women claimed that they loved Asian women. But their “advocacy” reflected a stereotype that harms us to this day, instilling the idea that we are no more than service workers, a labor force both disposable and cheap.” According to the article, a 1966 report held up Asians as a “model minority” — not so much in support but to make a dig at the African-American community as constituents of the welfare state. More modern stereotypes like being “good at math” or being seen as small, docile, or exotic in many men’s eyes is a similar counter-compliment. It implies that there is a specific “type” and subconsciously puts limits on how they are expected to behave and look.

The author links to articles about hypersexualizing Asian women in popular culture and the lack of advancement for Asian women in the workplace. Ms. Nam writes, “In dating and at work, there’s a palpable difference between being desired and being valued. Many Asian women have experienced the former quite intensely. Very few have experienced the latter.”

I think there is a little of this subtle racism in the crossdressing community too. And I think I am probably one of those people who view Asian crossdressers as “other” because they often look so physically attractive and gifted that they are beyond compare. The stereotype of possessing smaller builds and flawless complexions — while framed as compliments to Asian crossdressers — also minimizes the effort it takes them to transform and present beautifully as women.

The article provided a good insight into the subtle — even subconscious — way our minds can pigeonhole others while letting us believe we are completely innocent of racist thoughts.

SIMPLY A CLASSIC

The New York Times had an article about the late American fashion designer Claire McCardell in the August 31, 2022 edition. It was headlined Don’t Get Dressed Without Reading This Book which was in reference to the reissue of McCardell’s classic volume on fashion What Shall I Wear? published in 1956.

I never heard of Claire McCardell before. She was not part of the classic mid-twentieth century fashion dynasties like Schiaparelli, Chanel, Givenchy, or Balenciaga. The Times article said, “Ms. McCardell didn’t drink the Champagne of fashion; she remixed it. It’s this attitude that comes through in her book — and it was in her clothes. That, as much as anything, was integral in defining the difference between American style, with its emphasis on utility and ease, and the more top-down, dictatorial European style. And that still resonates today.” The Metropolitan Museum of Art is also featuring McCardell in a collection celebrating “overlooked but important American designers.” Claire died of cancer at age 52 in 1958.

Claire McCardell and her designs.

Looking at some of her designs on the internet can leave one wondering what the big deal is. The designs seem pretty basic and there is no frou frou or red carpet-y attention grabbers. And that is the point. The Times article mentions that “she was the first designer to put pockets in a dress that wasn’t for housecleaning.” Also the first designer to use denim for day dresses and promoted the ‘ballet flat’ shoe.

As crossdressers — therefore only occasional dress wearers — we often opt for the flashier or sexier items to make the most of our limited opportunities. So a day dress with pockets may not be our first choice for a rare evening en femme. But the style element of simple lines, good fit, a garment that allows the rest of us to shine, is an idea to keep in mind.

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?

Two weeks ago, we celebrated Labor Day and in last month’s Diner I had an item about a woman who appeared to be a sexy construction worker. That started me thinking about “career choices” for crossdressers.

I did a quick internet search for photos of crossdressers in uniforms as a start. See, it was just for research. Not every occupation wears a uniform but it was a start. What I found was a little surprising.

Crossdressed flight attendant.

First, I had to eliminate all the French Maids as an occupational aspiration. I don’t think even real maids in France wear those outfits anymore. And certainly not while ball-gagged with their genitals exposed. So out with the French Maids. The single most recurring uniformed occupation was, ta-da!, the flight attendant, formerly known as “stewardess.” It really is the Jet Age, as they forecast in the 1960s. The sexy secretary was another popular career but alliteration aside, nobody calls secretaries “secretaries” anymore. And Administrative Assistant just doesn’t have the same feminine cachet although it does provide the opportunity to wear short skirts with visible garters, and high heels. Eyeglasses add a nice touch if you have a pair. Unfortunately for the theatrically inclined, Disney princess is not really an occupation. And Star Trek was a television show not a real workplace, all of you yeoman flight deck sweeties.

The Hooters server was another popular job for those girls who sprung for a souvenir t-shirt after a visit. The shiny tights and short-shorts were visually pleasing but the lack of cleavage on most crossdressers was disappointing to this serious researcher. Nurses got a lot of love from crossdressers. I think nurses stopped wearing white uniform dresses and hosiery in 1987 but I did see one who dressed in scrubs for authenticity. There were a few policewomen. Based on what I saw I am not calling to de-fund the crossdressed police force. And nobody was kneeling on anyone’s neck. . . which is nice.

In my item about the female construction worker last month, I said I never saw a crossdresser trying that as an outfit or costume. And I didn’t see any in this bit of research either. I am sure some of my readers have hardhats and tool belts lurking at home somewhere and might look fetching in cutoff jeans and a strategically ripped t-shirt. And we need some work done here at the Diner. Apply in person. Ask for Dina.

Tags: crossdressing, featured, opinion, Transgender

Category: Transgender Fun & Entertainment, Transgender Opinion