Demons are started so cheaply…

“Kids are taught fight or flight but not how to handle frozen submissive panic. One of my demons that made me hate myself is… if I was taught to scream ‘rape’ or ‘I will tell.’ How many fewer demons to fight?”

The aforementioned is from a new friend of mine who is tormented by his secrets. Living so many years, with so many lies can burden you and keep you from really living a happy, meaningful life. This is part of his story.

He ended up in the foster home care system, which unfortunately too many children are abused instead of being nurtured.

“I did try to tell in my last foster home and she was taking me to confront the molester and asked a question. She asked me. ‘How can you prove it?’ I cried and told her I made it up. The molester I tried to tell on did get caught after three more victims came out that he had molested. She told me but another molester had me in his group by then. She apologized but sorry to this day just is hollow. She tried to apologize but knew I was numb and the weekly shrink sessions intensified questioning — but my armor was too tough and the abuse became my hell/confusion/life…”

First, he was raped while in foster care — he was also forced to dress in women’s clothing and lost his childhood forever. He had the courage to finally tell the foster care mother but she did not support him. He was a frightened little boy — whose predators kept threatening him if he told anyone. Oh yes, sadly there were more sick, violent molesters to come in his young life.

No one had this little boy’s back. He was raped again. All he did was look like he was feeling (alone & scared) and a predator in a store lured him by buying him baseball cards. It worked. My friend feels horrible, he says… “Demons are started so cheaply.” It is called ‘grooming.’ The pervert grooms his victims by gaining their trust somehow and trying to be their friend. The young tortured boy trusted this man enough to show him where the park was. The rest you can well imagine what he did to him once he got him in the car. His life would never, ever be the same. Who could he get to help, support and meet his needs? He did not have a proper age appropriate safety net to catch him or provide him with any form of support. The foster care system failed him, so did society as a whole. Yet, in his eyes he was the failure, he was to blame — it was his entire fault.

This is where the self loathing started, He is not to blame yet he carries the ton of unwarranted guilt on his shoulders — deep down inside he is still that little boy that needs to be rescued from this living nightmare.

Now, he finally discloses part of his past with his wife. She is sadly heart broken to hear about what he has carried with him for so long. She is standing beside him. They love each other and she is accepting and very protective of him and his needs right now yet she doesn’t know everything yet.

However, he is not accepting at all. Instead he is frightened, feels isolated, scared, fearful of his feelings and desires of wanting to become a woman. He finally disclosed his true feelings. Perhaps he is just seeking someone to nurture him and maybe if he becomes his own mother he will be loved and cared for…

Some of you have disclosed your experiences with sexual abuse as a young boy. Can you guide him? Let him know how you recovered — or if you too are struggling with this horrific abusive background.

For those of you who are reading this and can connect with his experiences, have some suggestions or would like to show your support, please feel free to post on here or contact me at [email protected].

Warmly,

Dee A Levy, MA
The Cross Dresser’s Wife * Our Secret Lives
www.crossdreserswives.com

Tags: featured, sexual abuse, Transgender

Category: Transgender Body & Soul