Crossdressers Accept Who You Are and Others Will Follow

Terri Lee Ryan

Like most women, I have always loved shoes. My favorites have been stiletto pumps which elevate my 5’ 4” frame, making me feel and act taller. I always have said that I was born in pumps and will continue to wear them for the rest of my life. So one day when my favorite size 7 navy Gucci shoe was missing, I scoured the house looking for it. Did my soft-Wheaton Terrier Ben take it? He usually just chewed on it, yet it was nowhere to be seen, unless he ate the entire shoe, which was highly unlikely!

I looked through every closet for that damn shoe. In the kitchen next to the pots, hallway closet by the winter coats and gloves, and every inch of my three walk in closets, to no avail. The last closets to check for my missing shoe were my husband’s. Could I have had a brain freeze and placed the shoe in his closet while tidying up? Perhaps. I looked through his closets — bypassing his Ralph Lauren suits, reaching back behind his well-maintained Gucci shoes, and what do I find but my missing navy shoe!

I wondered how my shoe got into his closet stuffed way in the back. Did my weekly housekeeper accidentally place it with his shoes? And, why was it neatly tucked away in his closet? I grabbed my shoe and placed it back into my own closet and just wrote it off as an accident. I never mentioned it to my husband, but reminded my housekeeper that my shoes, the pumps and stilettos went into my closet. She just looked at me as if I was crazy.

A few weeks passed and I noticed that my supply of pantyhose was disappearing at an alarming rate. Was my housekeeper stealing my pantyhose? Was it time to confront her? And, why of all things did she take my pantyhose when there were so many other items to steal if she wanted to?

It never occurred to me that my husband was borrowing my nylons and checking out my shoes for a style of shoe he wanted. Months later after too many martinis he told me about a time he dressed up as a woman on Halloween and asked if I wanted to see him dressed as a woman. I was taken aback, but it seemed harmless, so I made him up with my favorite red lipstick and Estee Lauder blush. He dressed in a lace top, black skirt and size 10 heels that he said his ex-wife left behind. The clothes made sense but the shoe size seemed so big; didn’t know she had such big feet!

She didn’t. The clothes were his that he had bought through the Frederick’s of Hollywood catalog. Both Frederick’s and Victoria’s Secret at the time carried larger women’s sizes and marketed to crossdressers. We talked about my husband’s love of crossdressing, sort of.  We would look at the catalogs together and both buy lingerie and stilettos, though I liked my Gucci shoes better! In a way it was a fun event, yet was confusing to me at first. I felt like I had lost my husband to this “other woman” who I didn’t know.

I would have to spend time getting to know her, what she liked, and who she was. I did this as we blended our lives together; we were now three. My (now) ex-husband and I were not a good match though. Not because of his crossdressing. We were just not good for one another and divorced after five years of marriage. He went on to meet another woman and stole her nylons, too. I told him just to buy his own. He married a former Playboy centerfold and I am sure they shopped together for clothes.

This all happened in the 1980s when any alternative lifestyle was taboo. Fast forward to today when we live in a much more tolerant society. Chaz Bono helped the transgender community by coming out on Dancing With the Stars, gay marriage is becoming a law in many states in the U.S. and the LGBT community is supported by government laws. So why is it that so many crossdressers are still hiding in the shadows, afraid to come out and live an authentic life? I believe it is time to come to peace with this part of your life as a crossdresser. Some will not accept it, but most will embrace you for who you are.

I am a television producer focusing on lifestyle entertainment and I am working with Emmy/Oscar winning producers in the UK and the US on a UK-based documentary on crossdressers. We have been commissioned by one of the top three TV channels in Britain to produce the show. We are seeking three straight, preferably married with children, crossdressers to participate in this ground breaking, but much-needed documentary that we think will lead to a TV series. I believe once crossdressers accept and celebrate who they are, others will accept them.

If you would like to be interviewed for the documentary, please contact me at [email protected], 312/218-7701 or Skype: terrileeryanchicago. All inquiries are confidential.

Tags: crossdressing, featured

Category: Transgender Body & Soul