CDs Wives Wonder, Why Did He Want to Get Married?

Very few wives find out their husband is a CD or considering transitioning until after the vows are exchanged. Thus, the deep sense of betrayal they feel when it is discovered. For those of us who knew beforehand, it is often the sexual endeavors outside of the marriage that cause the conflict–as it would in any relationship. Unless your wife or partner has full knowledge and provides unconditional support for the lifestyle, it’s not uncommon to end up divorced or stay together for financial or parental reasons but live painfully unhappy.

One question almost all wives involved with a crossdresser or transgender continue to ask and agonize over is why their husbands wanted ( or agreed) to get married in the first place. Most of the wives I know support the notion that people have the right to live as they choose, free of government interference or social backlash, but only as a single person. As one sister said, “I had the right to know who he really was and to decide for myself if this was the person I wanted to share my life with. Now I’m stuck.”

This problem plagued me for years. When I first met Bill, I was not interested in an exclusive commitment or marriage. I was just looking to have some fun with an exciting and handsome guy who made it safe to explore my newfound sexual freedom. It was Bill who constantly dropped hints about a life together with an impromptu proposal only nine months after we met. I could have said let’s wait, but I didn’t. It is a decision I struggle with to this day.

Bill was a crossdresser and engaged in sexual endeavors with like-minded men with similar interests for many years before we met. As I describe in my blog, mylifewithacrossdresser.com, he exposed a lot to me, but not everything, and it hurt just the same, and his staunch denials just made it worse.

I didn’t get it. Bill was finally liberated from a bad marriage with unfettered freedom as a single person. He no longer had to hide his femme personality or internet pastimes seeking to hook up with other CDs—so why pursue another marriage when he had the freedom to do as he pleased, whenever he pleased, and with whom? He had the best of both lives–he could be a man or a woman whenever he wanted and without judgment.

I asked my husband the same question numerous times over the years, usually after discovering his clandestine activities, to which he often sidestepped with unconvincing denials that he was engaged in the debauchery he was accused of–and guilty of committing. He couldn’t–or wouldn’t–answer the question.

Although the question of why get married has been asked countless times, very few answers are offered. Is it because it implies selfish intent, deceit, or perhaps a change of heart? Is it because one is in a position that exposes an apathetic attitude or maybe denial that any such condition exists–after all, you still love your wife, so why worry? Get over it.

The answers are undoubtedly profoundly personal, but I believe it is a question worth exploring because if you’re married, there is a good chance it will eventually surface if it hasn’t already.

Tags: crossdressing, featured, partners

Category: crossdressing