All The Queen’s Men

| Apr 1, 2013
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If you are of a certain age the names Marlin Perkins and Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom are probably pretty familiar to you. Perkins was the long-time host and narrator of the television program that brought the beauty and wonders of nature in to our living rooms. As on-location footage rolled, Perkins would explain what certain animals were doing and why they were doing it. In nature everything has a reason.

While Perkin’s programs concentrated on marsupials, reptiles, quadrupeds and winged species I sometimes wonder what it would have been like if he’d taken a look at the human species . . .

Let’s imagine:


Join host Marlin Perkins as he narrates a look at some of the more unusual aspects of human behavior. Tonight’s show: The Crossdresser and her Friends.

Viewers see an aerial view of a busy city street. Many people are walking in various directions, some crossing the street, some entering stores. A closer looks show a wide variety of people — old, young, black, white, Asian, some men with turbans, a person in a wheel chair, some are well-dressed, many not so. One is begging for change.

Perkins: In no other living species is the tremendous variety of beings as obvious as it is with humans. We come in all shapes, sizes and personalities. As the saying goes ‘it takes all kinds to make a world.’ Our program delves in to those varieties and tries to explain their behavior. Tonight’s program: The Crossdresser and His, or should I say Her, Friends.

Film rolls of a VERY BEAUTIFUL person as she prepares for a night out in the Los Angeles area.  

Perkins: Our cameras follow Linda Jensen as she visits a popular southern California gathering area for crossdressers, other transgendered girls and their admirers, The Queen Mary Show Lounge.

One Shot of Linda

Linda: On my first few visits to the Queen I was scared silly that any man would approach me. I preferred to chat with my ‘sisters.’ I was also having enough trouble dealing with my gender identity to think about my sexuality.

Perkins: Is that rare or is it something you all go through?

Linda: I think it depends on our original sexual orientation. I believed myself to be pure heterosexual but with time I came to think that our sexual orientation is not fixed at birth. We can be as flexible as we choose to be. In my case I came to admire admirers for the validation they could give to my feminine persona. I enjoy being a girl in its own right but I really enjoy being a girl that an otherwise straight man finds attractive. A man’s way of showing his level of attraction is pretty straight-forward.

Perkins: (aside to himself: ‘Let’s see if we get that one past the censors’) We leave Linda for a while. She is going to be spending the next hour or so chatting with her ‘girlfriends’ and keeping an eye out for as she calls it ‘her most admired admirer.’

There is Linda chatting with Alice Novik, the well-known author of Alice in Genderland. Our cameras move on to catch a few men standing against a wall, drink in hand and just watching the goings-on. They seemed so shy and vulnerable but at the same time there was something about them to be wary. Why won’t any of them approach a girl to buy her a drink? Surely that’s a tried and true icebreaker. Look there’s a man leaning against a wall just reading a paperback book. I don’t think we’ve ever seen such behavior as part of the mating ritual in any other part of the animal kingdom.

Just then Linda comes by:

Linda: “Oh he’s here every Friday and Saturday night and he’s always reading a book. I think he’s interested in us girls but he looks as if he might be autistic. Something is inhibiting him from a relationship. It’s too bad as it looks as if he might be really well hung.”

Perkins thinks to himself that they may have trouble getting that last remark past the sponsor’s censors.

Perkins: Moving along, here is Anthony. He is also at the club almost every night it is open. He is one of the politest men you will ever meet. He would also do anything for any of the girls. He greets every one of them. However rarely does a girl ask him for anything or give him any favor. He is so nice that some girls treat him badly.

Camera moves to a well shaven man sitting at the end of the bar.

Perkins: Another character to keep an eye out for is the admirer who is also a closet crossdresser. They will be clean shaven and tend to be much more interested in getting in to the girls clothes than the girl herself.

The men of the Queen Mary, like the girls they admire, certainly come in all shapes, sizes and personalities. We see it is too easy and too incorrect to class them all as the same. Let’s take a closer look at one character.

Our cameras have found someone interesting. See the large man sitting at the bar. He is fidgeting with a ring on his left hand, probably a wedding ring. It is very common to see married men out taking a walk on the wild side. Unless they are very familiar with the girls they tend to sit at the bar and wait for someone to approach them. Look, our Linda is moving over to chat with him. We’ll check in with her later.

The camera revealsseveral more couples and individuals entering the bar.

Perkins: At 11:00 PM the back bar at the Queen Mary starts to become more crowded. See the mixed couples: they are from the show out front. They have heard about the back bar and want to see it for themselves. Chances are some of them will be back another time for a closer experience. More admirers are coming off the street. That is because — oh here they come now — the Asian and Hispanic ‘ladyboys’ are arriving. Even the local crossdressers consider them the crème de la crème. Short, small boned and sexy these girls attract attention like no other. Although one can get 86ed — a term meaning banned for life — for offering or asking for sex for money everyone knows these girls are not at the Queen Mary for the tourist experience. The gentlemen along the wall are certainly taking an interest in the arrival of the ladyboys but none is coming forward to buy a round of drinks. We will see them make their move at closing time when they try to approach girls walking to their cars.

Here comes Linda now. Let’s ask her about the big man at the bar. Is he married?

Linda: He is but the ring has another story. He told me that when he was in university he played football. One year their team won the NCAA Championships. The whole team was given those rings as a souvenir.

Perkins: That’s a big deal, isn’t it? What’s a macho guy like that doing here?

Linda: It is a big deal and he went on to play some professional football. It is very common to find men accomplished in their fields coming here. It seems there are many men who have a curiosity about being with another man. We present as women so that seems to give them a level of comfort but when they get into bed they are not shy about performing oral sex. Many ask me to penetrate their (beep!) but there I have to draw the line.

Perkins: So what will happen with this man tonight?

Linda: This is unfolding as a fairly typical evening for me. He is saying that he wants to take me to dinner tomorrow evening. That is supposed to soften me up so he can get me into bed this evening. Then I will never hear from him again.

Perkins: What did you say?

Linda: I said yes, I would love to go out with him tomorrow evening and to get comfortable with each other lets go back to my room. When we are there I will look through my wardrobe and tell him I don’t have anything right to wear for a dinner date. I’ll ask him for $60 so I can buy a nice dress. For him that will be a bargain as he is probably used to paying some ladyboy several hundred dollars for the evening. Then we will have sex and he will leave promising to call me the next day but he won’t.

Perkins: How can you be so sure?

Linda: He doesn’t remember as I had different hair then but that is exactly what happened two years ago, the first time I met him.

Linda leaves to meet her date outside.

Perkins: As we watched Linda and her friends work the room we see that the common perception of admirers is far from the truth. As at any singles club there are those who have trouble mixing. Linda, Alice, Naomi and the other girls seem to be able to tell who will be an interesting date and who doesn’t cut it. They will talk to everyone but move on quickly if conversation is not one of the admirer’s skills.

Linda shared with us that she doesn’t keep score but her dates at the Queen Mary have included professional athletes from three different sports, a millionaire European pop singing star, a Hollywood movie director, at least one high tech magnate and many of the nicest men one would ever meet who were ‘just in town on business.’

Perkins: Well folks that’s our show for this evening. I hope you’ve enjoyed this episode of The Wilder Kingdom. Until next week why don’t you join us and take a walk on the wild side.

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Category: Transgender Fun & Entertainment, Transgender History, Transgender Opinion

Linda Jensen

About the Author ()

Canadian writer Linda Jensen is a long time contributor to TGForum. Before the days of the Internet Linda started her writing with the Transvestian newspaper. Her writing ranges from factual accounts of her adventures to fiction although frankly sometimes her real life adventures are stranger than the fiction. Linda is married to a loving partner who upon learning about Linda said, "she was part of you before I met you. Although I didn't know it she was part of the package I fell in love with. I don't want to mess up that package." "Does it get any better than that?" asks Linda.

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