Advice for Youth Coming Out as Trans
Young People Coming Out As Transgender
Coming out is a scary thing, I genuinely admire the people who have the courage to come out to their friends and family. But not everyone is always accepting, so here are a few tips for before, during and after coming out.
Before
Is your family accepting?
If you don’t know whether or not they are try dropping a few hints, mention a movie or book with a transgender character or talk about LGBT+ issues in the news.
If you come out will you be in a dangerous situation?
If you feel you are at risk of being homeless, being abused or being hurt if you come out, please DO NOT COME OUT. I know it hurts to stay in the closet but if you aren’t in a safe situation if you come out, it’s not worth it.
Are you absolutely sure you want to come out?
This might seem like an obvious question but sometimes people would rather wait, although staying in the closest isn’t my preference, coming out isn’t exactly something everyone wants to do.
Coming Out
Timing is everything
Don’t come out right before or after a big event, you want to make sure your parents fully hear you out. If you tell them around the time of a big event, its probably going to get lost in the commotion.
Write it out
If you don’t know what you want to say, write it out. Whether it’s a long paragraph on a piece of binder paper or a couple notes on an index card you’ll at least have some structure for what you want to say.
Ease your parents into it
Don’t come right out and say “I’m transgender,” start with talking about how you feel about this whole thing. Tell them you’ve thought long and hard about telling them this and that you feel that you really trust them.
Let them know you’re serious
One thing I often here when people try to come out to their parents, they think their child is joking. Make sure to tell them that this is serious. Put down all cellphones and devices and turn off the TV.
Explain
Make sure they understand what you are talking about. Ask if they have questions. It’s important they completely understand what you’re going through.
Get emotional support
If you have a friend who you are out to and supports you, ask them to be there. Parents are less likely to get mad when there’s someone else around. A sibling could work too.
After
Are you still in a good situation?
The NYC LGBT Center Youth in Crisis
Do you have a place to live?
If you came out and you are now homeless contact these resources:
Lambda Legal Resource by State
Keep reminding your parents
Sometimes it takes a while for parents to get used to your new name and pronouns. Don’t get mad! It happens, just keep reminding them. Eventually they’ll get it.
Come out to other people
Now that you’ve come out to your parents, try coming out to your friends and other family. It’s totally optional and completely okay if you don’t want to. If they take it badly, you know who you need to stop talking to. Don’t be afraid to cut negative people out of your life, you don’t need them.
Talk about it
Share your experience with other people! Even if it was a bad experience you’ll probably find someone who went through the same thing and found a way to work past it. Whether it went well or not you’re sure to make friends along the way.
Category: Transgender Body & Soul, Transgender Opinion
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