Transgender People of Faith

[angela_g]

Is religion a part of your life? How does your church deal with transgender parishioners?

[Anonymous]

https://www.gaychurch.org/ May be of help to some.

I’ve actually been turned off by many so called “Christians” of the years that I’ve become more of a spiritual person. I saw a bumper sticker a few years ago that read ” Jesus, protect me from your followers.” I think that pretty much sums up my experience over the last 30 years.

I have visited the MCC Church in St. Louis and was welcomed with open arms. The church has an interesting history. https://www.mccchurch.org/overview/ourchurches/find-a-church/

Best of Luck,

[Jaime21]

I am a 70-year-old, heterosexual partial transsexual with a strongly male self-perceived gender with a strong desire to look and be female and gets easily aroused when I cross-dress.

I also take low doses of HRT: spironolactone and estradiol. Have hypoactive gonads but cannot tolerate testosterone replacement. Taking testosterone causes my red cell count to increase significantly and puts me at risk of stroke or heart attack.

I cross-dress in private only but nearly fulltime. I have good reason to believe that my mother took diethylstilbesterol (DES), a strong hormone disrupter, during her pregnancy with me.

I first had desires to “see what it was like to look like and/or be a girl” at age 14. I cross-dressed using my mother’s clothes for about two years and then stopped for many years and did not regard myself as a cross-dresser until age 53 just after the death of my mother in 2002. At the time I was experiencing great economic distress that greatly disturbed my wife. Rather suddenly I developed intense, incessant desires to cross-dress full time. My feelings were so distressing that considered committing suicide. I called our local university’s emergency room and asked them what I could do. They recommended a call a local transgender support group, Engendered Species. I was able to speak with a compassionate cross-dresser who was married to a fully transitioned MTF transsexual who convinced me that a live cross-dresser was a better contributor to family and society than a dead one. Eventually, I became a founding member of a local Tri-Ess group.

Six years prior to this time, I suffered a mid-brain bleed complicated by acute hydrocephalus requiring emergency placement of a ventriculo-peritoneal shunt. Though not outwardly impaired much, I developed severe chronic drowsiness and a significant loss in executive function that required me to close my surgical practice only 5 years after opening it and after canceling my disability insurance.

I had to work as a janitor, a waiter, an auto parts deliverer, a bookstore and department store housewares salesman, a junior high math and health teacher, and a health care career college adjunct professor in medical terminology, biology, microbiology, chemistry, anatomy and physiology, pulmonary pathology, and health care administration until I was asked to resign due to my inability to make lesson plans and submit grades for my students in a timely manner. I subsequently applied for and received designation as being totally disabled and live primarily on disability income.

I also underwent two years of counseling with a specialist in sex addiction who was a member of my faith. I received therapy focused on treating an obsessive-compulsive disorder. I had cognitive behavioral therapy, exposure response therapy, and “Come-to-your-senses” therapy without effect. In then received medical and psychiatric therapy that included trials of treatment with a variety of anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medications. I also received what is called intense psychotherapy. Eventually I found that a combination of St. John’s Wort, Luvox, anti-OSD SSRI, and Vyvanse, a slow release pre-drug form of dextro-amphetamine used to treat ADD in children, resulted in the complete disappearance of any desires to cross-dress for a year and a half.

Unfortunately, I developed the serotonin syndrome and had a small frontal lobe “lacunar” stoke and had to be taken off all these meds. In order to stay awake and do medical research, I had to resume cross-dressing. Shortly after I disclosed these developments to my then separated spouse, she divorced me.

I am a devoted Christian, an active member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints with full privileges, a part-time medical researcher and avid scientist.

I am a veteran of 35 years of marriage. Though divorced and living by myself, I still see my ex-wife frequently more as a separated husband than as an ex-husband. We often travel together to see our children and grandchildren.

I am a father and former tutor of four learning challenged but highly successful and strongly religious children. Each required years of tutoring by me to overcome serious weaknesses in inductive learning.

My oldest son is a professor of art and animation and a Sunday School president. My daughter is a Tony Award-winning soprano, a premier voice teacher and a Gospel Doctrine teacher. My second son is a tenured professor of mechanical engineering who got his bachelor’s, master’s, and doctor’s degrees in mechanical engineering from MIT. He lectures all over the world on constraint-based design, nanotechnology, materials science, and nano-fabrication of complex mechanisms and serves as a bishop. My third son got his bachelor’s in mechanical engineering from Harvard and his master’s and doctor’s degrees in mechanical engineering from MIT. He has published a paper in Science solving a previously unsolved problem in preventing aluminum batteries to decompose. He serves on a High Council. All are married, and three have had children giving me eight lovely grandchildren.

My bishop son and my ex-wife have very negative feelings toward my cross-dressing. My three other children are more compassionate and accepting but prefer never seeing my cross-dressed.

I have never cross-dress at church and stopped cross-dressing in public three years ago at the request of my church leaders who gave me full temple and priesthood privileges as a result.

By writing letters to the current world leaders of my church regarding the plight and suffering of transgender members of my faith, I believe I succeeded in significantly changing my church’s attitudes toward persons struggling with gender dysphoria. My daughter is friends with a daughter of the First Counselor in the Church’s First Presidency.

Now our world leaders have expressed in writing in a friend of the court communication with the Supreme Court that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints acknowledges the reality of gender dysphoria and related conditions and believes that affected individuals need to be treated with love, compassion, and understanding and that reasonable accommodations for their conditions should be allowed. I consider this one of my greatest achievements.

Respecting the attitudes and reactions of the majority of non-transgender people and respectfully and charitably informing intelligent, truth-seeking, and compassionate members and leaders of my faith of the feelings and challenges the transgender population face has resulted in major progress in the acceptance of transgender people by a hither to rather antagonistic Church.

[clewis]

I am a faithful, active Catholic that is transgendered. I finally shared this with my parish simply by attending Mass as such, one spring Sunday morning five years ago.

I wore an appropriate Sunday outfit – pastel top, white skirt and sandals – took my regular place in the pew, worshipped peacefully as always, and went home afterward.

My parish is rather traditional in its theology, culture, programs, etc. (as am I). Yet not only was there zero negative feedback, I was subsequently invited to join our ladies group. I was thrilled and honored to accept.

(We coordinate the social events and the fundraisers for the parish, so it is a very active and visible role.)

In the time since, there has never – not once – been an iota of negative response or feedback from the clergy, staff, or parishioners. Far from it; they have shown me such love and support.

[RhondaLee]

I find Jaimee21’s story especially inspiring. Clewis’ comments are also very revealing and I have discovered them true as well. Most are attracted to authenticity, in whatever form.

I found MCC years ago, and their welcoming, accepting attitude put me to shame for the dismissive attitudes I grew up with as a strong spiritual leader in family and church. I re-examined my beliefs, working from scratch. I concluded that crossdressing is not at all inconsistent with Christianity. The greatest commandments of Christ include loving our brother, something consistent with most major religions, and to love our brother we must first love and accept ourself, recognizing that we are in greater need than those we may try to correct. I no longer try to “correct” anyone, just love and accept them and their truths. If they care to know, I share mine, but never as an effort to change someone or dismiss their truth as less relevant than mine. I have discovered that others have truths which are indeed valid and worth considering in an honest manner, as they can often improve my own understandings. and shape what I believe true. It is freeing to realize I am not called to judge others for their beliefs, something I am not qualified to do and should avoid. I think that is in tune with loving our brothers and the Golden Rule, treating others as we would want to be treated. If we have something others believe worth emulating, it likely won’t be because of what we say but because of what we do, and what we do toward acceptance is far more likely to have positive impact than judging, teaching, or dismissing truths that differ from our own.

I was asked to give a sermon once at MCC. I did so as Rhonda, they only way they ever knew me. I used that opportunity to convey truths they had taught me, which I had come to see were more consistent with scripture than my previous understandings. I apologized for the judgmental attitudes I used to display, typical of those who forced many to seek a different , more accepting venue for worship. I was asked by a lesbian couple to play piano for their holy union, which I gladly did, dressed in a gown given me by one of the brides. Importan life lessons are often best learned from those we once sought to teach.

[Anonymous]

I might be found in most any church, synagogue, temple, or mosque (yes, I’ve worshiped in all these types of religious settings whether identified as cult or occult). My background in religion is highly varied, extending to nearly every major religion on the planet, and yet, have not consented to membership in any church since 1995. That was a year of spiritual awakening forewarned in a dream 7 years prior to my exit from Christianity.

I have come to see religion as the codification and enforcement of a specific spiritual tradition. Such enforcement occurs mostly in the context of individual cults (broadly defined), but has in the past 80 years manifest in “parachurch” entities within alliances of the metacult of Christianity that include, but are not limited to, the Evangelical Alliance.

My awakening did many things, expanding my dreamwork to new levels and demanding greater truthfulness, especially in myself. It’s in this context that I came out as transgender, and eventually worked out a moral theory not in the vernacular. All of these are tied to my dreams as the most primal grist of spirituality.

As far as churches are concerned (since the original question focuses in this context), I have become alert to many devices used in such entities, and these devices are by no means limited to Evangelicals or even Christians in general. Here are a few of them, and this is by no means a complete list:

1. Gaslighting: Active attempts to distort or cause another to lose confidence in that person’s sense of reality or sanity as a method of controlling others. I have witnessed pastors of more than one denomination literally brag among themselves about their gaslighting prowess in college and in their local mission fields.

2. The Ad Uxorem Attack on Families: Successful Bible workers know that the woman of the home is usually the one more inclined to spiritual things than the man who is most obligated to support of the family and will more likely be obsessed with the material. So the Bible worker focuses attention upon her. Once won, she will bring the children to the church. The husband will either willfully attend, attend in a desperate attempt to keep the family together (even accepting baptism or rebaptism), or there will be a divorce. The church authorities all know that courts will be inclined to award custody of the children to the mother, so if they keep her, they also keep and indoctrinate the children. If there is divorce, the mother is married off to a new believing spouse. This is always called, “the work of the Holy Spirit.” But even though 1 Timothy 3:2 has traditionally been cited to exclude divorcees, most churches have liberalized that stance to assure a supply of lay leaders.

3. Double Standards: There is a different law for those in authority than regular members, and consequently, many think they are entitled to abuse others because of their position.

4. Undercurrents of Misandry or Misogyny: While current trends are in the direction of misandry in the MeToo era, misogyny has reigned in most of the 20th century. That makes a difference in who is taken seriously and who is not, who is more apt to carry stigma and who is not. This often carries over into transmisogyny and transmisandry.

5. Wide Application of the No True Scotsman Fallacy: What constitutes a “true Christian” is often more subjective than real, and often defined according to local mores more than anything in the Bible. Example: “No true Christian would marry someone of another race! Think of what the Children will go through!” or “No true Christian can be transgender.” What makes this especially disingenuous is that the same people who make such claims will themselves often stigmatize and even demonstrate cruelty toward a mixed race or transgender child. In some extreme cases like what I’ve witnessed in Campus Crusade for Christ, if a student is depressed because a course of study is not working for him, leaders declare that person has not received Jesus Christ. It’s interesting how those who are most vocal about Christianity is about a “relationship” and not an affiliation are so willing to redefine other people’s relationships out of existence in their own minds.

But even aside from these devices, many mannerisms of presumptuous speech stifle communication, even in more liberal churches who accept trans members as in these examples:

1. “Welcome home!” (as a greeting). This is a sales device that presumes that a visitor will naturally choose their product. A visitor may not consider that church to be a home at all. If the visitor is trans, that can be especially disconcerting if the church is known to be less accepting of transpeople.

2. “We’re so glad you came!” It’s interesting how those who claim to be so glad I came to a church meeting rarely care to talk to me beyond that, not necessarily because they think I’m trans or not. They simply don’t have the capacity to care that they think they do. As a result, this is no real encouragement to a visitor. It’s a lie they have convinced themselves of being true. It is true only in one sense: they’re glad to have another statistic of “church growth,” which is more indicative of their ambitions, than any real love of anyone.

3. “We’re so glad you have now started in your new journey to healing!” This is related to the second example, one I was confronted with in a Metropolitan Community Church of all entities, and this was stated by multiple parishioners in a low, soothing voice like I was being incarcerated in a psychiatric facility . I simply came to connect with new friends, not to be healed of an addiction at some rehab center. Needless to say, I never returned and never gained a friend from that congregation.

4. “Can I help you?” (as a greeting, sometimes with a condescending nose in the air). Good God! Are people so wrapped up in their consumerism that they have to play “store clerk” eager to steer their “customer” to the highest priced item whether the greetee wants it or not? I think so and see it as indicative of “wearing masks” as a psychological defense mechanism. It’s interesting how a simple “Hello” or “Welcome” has been replaced with such coldness.

So while more churches today accept transpeople as members than they did 20 years ago, that acceptance is often more formal than heartfelt. If you choose membership in a church, be careful, for devices such as those mentioned may turn up, even if they initially appear to be warm. You could find yourself trapped in a debilitating cycle of narcissistic control mechanisms that will eventually wear you down.

[racyme]

More and more people are beginning to fight for trans-gender rights, and even the silicone sex dolls for adult products have the image of transgender sex. However, this is not an easy thing for parents who buy dolls. Some parents said that about transgender dolls, can children understand the dolls? I find it difficult to explain to a young child, they can’t understand it, it is suitable for older children.

[Marie1912]

Clewis,
Being Catholic I’ve attended Mass many times and received communion without any issues. Everyone is very welcoming and friendly. Of course I was dressed appropriately and I don’t believe anyone suspected was trans,
Marie

[clewis]

Hi Marie,

Yes, I even met with my parish pastor to discuss everything, so that he could make a proper assessment of my background and directly address any spiritual or pastoral concerns he might have had. I certainly did not wish to introduce any issues there for him or anyone else.

Work and church were the last frontiers for me, as for as coming out were concerned. Once I faced up to each one and was clearly prepared to accept the consequences of my actions, I discovered that my worst fears never materialized and I was truly humbled by the support I received. It was all a huge weight off my shoulders.

[annajamey]

Any active people here? I find not many new topics.

[ahmad]

Visit Naked!

[LezzyEzzy]

Well One of my parents was Catholic, the other an atheist of Protestant background. They actually spent a significant part of my life arguing about how to raise me. But with everything that I survived(behavior mod programs, abuse, hate-violence, etc), I found that the healing power of Brighid has greatly improved my life. I ended up pagan, incorporating spirituality from multiple pantheons. Blessed be! <3

[carla1212]

I am continually trying to understand myself, and one big question is: Why do I persist in trying to fulfill my commitment to the Catholic faith. Although I’ve been trans since puberty, I only started going to church in my female form about seven years ago. I’ve never had anybody be mean or unkind to me, I’ve never had any off-color comments, and nobody has ever refused my hand. I do pass but after all this time I don’t doubt the congregation has seen enough to spot me. But I struggle with the guilt they want to put on me in the confessional. When I was in my teens and 20s I went through a few brief phases where I was in-between boyfriends and felt very desperate for attention from men, so I often went out and about presenting and behaving in a slutty manner. And I did some things I’m not proud of. I’m looking for forgiveness not just from myself but from God. Well I finally told all this in Confession — probably the longest Confession ever! — and before being given my Penance I got a lecture that was really a bit out-of-bounds. These were sins from a long time ago, I didn’t need to be told that my feminine impulses and my transgenderism generally was a sign of hopeless moral corruption. I sat there and listened respectfully, I did my Penance and tried harder to be what I am within the bounds of my religion, whether or not they accept me. But I have to admit what the priest said to me really hurt my feelings. I cried over it. I feel guilty enough as it is, but never got the caring, loving forgiveness I was looking for.

[clewis]

Hi Carla,

God loves you. He has forgiven you. You did the right thing. Please don’t beat yourself up over your past.

I am a Catholic also. I returned to the practice of the Faith in my 20s, after an extended period of militant disbelief when I was young. My first general Confession was at that time, and as I was 26 at the time, it too was long and detailed. Some things were also very painful to admit, as you well know.

Thankfully the priest (my late parish pastor at the time) led me gently through it, heard me out, and in his counsel and absolution showed me kindness that I felt like I didn’t deserve at the time. Eventually I felt forgiveness, and I began making Confession a regular practice shortly thereafter.

I won’t attempt to justify your confessor’s conduct. The vast majority of confessors I have encountered (priests of various ages, training and backgrounds) have by contrast been considerate and thoughtful, are becoming familiar with transgender individuals (e.g. per my posts above), and genuinely wish to offer spiritual comfort. Don’t be afraid to seek them out.

There’s a reason this is in our lives, and it’s not a curse or a punishment. You are worthy of His love, and you have something offer people. Don’t live in isolation.

Even though we all have our flaws, we were put here to support each other. God writes straight even with crooked lines. 🙂

Christy

[Anonymous]

Hi, I’m new here and this is my first post. I hope my presence is not offensive because I am just a straight male trying to learn and better understand trans related concepts.

For one thing I wanted to say that I am genuinely surprised (not in a bad way) to read about the amount of positive support some trans people have gotten from religious groups. I believe in God myself, but I haven’t been affiliated with a particular religious group for many, many years. I was raised Catholic, but I’ve developed my own ideas as I’ve grown.

Based on my understanding of Christianity (well, more specifically Catholicism and Catholic people), I’ve always been under the impression that Catholics in general don’t approve of anything outside the traditional “heterosexual man/woman” Dichotomy. To be fair, I have heard about -some- degree growing acceptance towards homosexuality and lesbianism, but not necessarily outright approval from priests and other religious leaders.

This might be a bit off topic, but I was thinking recently that it might be really helpful if they taught about homosexuality and transsexuality to kids in high school, but that this would never happen because all the religious people would never allow it. Maybe I’m wrong, though?

[Author]

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