The Occasional Woman — Spring Fashion

Dear Readers,

I have just received an email from Nordstrom, entitled 5 Key Pieces You Must Have.  So, in the interests of Fashion and Wardrobe, I read them — and here are my reactions!

A romper combined with bare shoulders.

The first one made me hoot so loud I scared the cat. Apparently, we are supposed to rush right out and buy what is being billed as “The Effortless Romper.” I want to advise you, in no uncertain terms, NOT to do this!  A romper is another name for short jumpsuit. What’s wrong with that, you may ask? First and most damning is that you have to take the whole thing off if you need to pee! Second is the problem of fit — if you have gotten a women’s “romper,” it will most likely be short in the torso, which is kind of okay for genetic women, but not for the MtF crossdresser, whose torso is usually 2 inches longer than you want it to be. Maybe if you’re five foot two it could work, but hey — you’ll still have to pee sometime.

The second item is another uh-uh — the “Shoulder Baring Top.” Obviously, this look displays the nekkid shoulder; if one has wider or even line-backer shoulders, this will not be a really fetching look. I’d give it a pass.

Where’s the legs?

The third item is a great one — the “Light Weight Jacket.” This is a must, especially in this time of seasonal transition. Ditch the wool and fur, and keep an eye out for linen and other lightweight fabrics, in fun colors and styles.

Number Four is called the “Updated Maxi” — which is peculiar, as all a maxi is is a long dress. The shorter human may look like a lampshade in one, and it hides the all-important legs! One thing genetic gentleman have over ladies is often a serious set of gams! Why hide a precious natural resource under a lot of fabric?  And, if you happen to be out doing jello shots, and visit the loo, you can forget you have on a long skirt and let it drop into the potty. Or catch a heel on it. I’d go with a cheerleader skirt any day over this. The main time a maxi is a good idea is if you haven’t gotten around to shaving your legs lately.

The fifth suggestion is a wee bit puzzling to me-it’s called “The New Shorts.”  What’s new about them is that they want us to wear longer shorts, and ones with chunky cuffs, distressed fabrics and holes in ’em. I love wearing shorts, but they sure as hell aren’t long! No, I will fearlessly step out in near-Daisy Dukes rather than wear a “long short” partly because I have no shame and decent legs. I urge you to do the same.

As always, if you want to wear a shoulder-baring maxi dress or romper, go ‘head on, girl! If that makes you happy, then damn the torpedoes and do your thing. But don’t blame me if other cretins stop and make rude noises at you. Have a swell April, Passover, Earth Day and everything else you celebrate!

Tags: fashion, featured, opinion, style

Category: Style, Transgender Fashion