How To Wear a Condom Dress

Now you can probably guess where this is going because how does a condom fit. Sound like the ultimate crossdressers dress to you, tight, sleek, sexy, monochromatic and it CUMES in your size? Actually, these tube dresses can be a good fit given our often rectangler bodies, even though a little padding here and there might help.  And if you have broad shoulders, well then try a strapless version. After all, what could be safer to wear?

Ladies, I give you the Condom Dress.

Why a Condom dress — because you almost need to roll it on. The area of my body between my armpits and my knees is pretty much a complete disaster.  How can I wear the condom dress without looking like two pigs fighting in a black spandex tube?  It’s pretty tight around my butt, but comfy and it smooths out the lumps (with the proper undergarments of course)

But first, least you think I’m putting you on, there’s more here than meets the eye. Meet Jenna Smith. This Pacifica resident, made a dress out of condoms to raise awareness about the cure and prevention of AIDS. The dress spreads love, not disease. For sure you are never without protection.

And in Fayetteville, AR,  University Programs hosted an art exhibit by Brazilian artist Adriana Bertini on March 12^th.  Bertini showed six of her dresses made out of condoms in her exhibit “Dress Up Against AIDS”.

And certainly this trend, and I don’t use the term loosely, has gone international. Watch this exhibit in Riga, Lativa where the star of the show was a Condom Dress.

There’s actually an incredible number of options when it comes to condom dresses in all styles for all occasions for women of all sizes. Here are just a few so tell me which one that you like?

OK, so it’s not so easy to find one even if you would wear it, but tube dresses (your next best option) are available in many styles and colors and the best thing about these dress, apart from sucking you in while still allowing full access to breathing, is the price. No BULLSHIT! They are available for reasonable prices. Check out this collection from Polyvore

Now given all these options, there’s still actually little advice on how to wear a tube dress, except from my of my favorite style experts, Niki over at StylingYou. Niki is absolutely fantastic when it comes to advice which is why she won the Best Styling Blog in Australia in 2011. I have to tell you that some of the best styling gurus come from Australia as there are at least four that I follow on a regular basis.

The secret of course is LAYERING and Niki is going to show us how in these three examples: getting sozzled with my girlfriends at the local watering hole, having lunch with the in-laws (or out-laws as the case may be — UGH) or heading out to the mall

But before we get to the nitty gritty and wonderment of these three outfits, let’s examine why this dress can become a wardrobe staple for you.

1. It’s black. It goes with everything.

2. It’s trans-seasonal. Read, cost-per-wear it will be down to about 50 cents by the time winter arrives.

3. It’s a key layering piece. Layering is the secret to a happy and diverse wardrobe that you love and one that loves you back.

4. It’s a tube — and you want it to be a tube. You want to create a tube or a column in yourself with this piece, so that you are stretched and elongated, a look I’m particularly fond of at all times.

5. It will not require any association with an iron. No more to say here really.

6. Think of it as a fun alternative to leggings or skinny jeans and style yourself accordingly.

So here are the looks:

An Evening With the Girlfriends

Lunch with the In-laws

To the Mall

Ok, so now you look and feel fabulous. But you’ve got really great legs to die for, and even us older gals have great legs. And you want to show them off. Well then, try a a-line mini. But since a mini dress can be an unforgiving clothing item in the figure department, wearing it just right can make the difference between a sleek silhouette and something that’s a bit too revealing.

The folks at Type F have a few ideas there.

Tan Your Legs

Tanning your legs can darken them and make them appear slimmer in your mini dress. Exfoliate your legs with a sugar scrub to ensure a smooth, even application of tanner. After shaving your legs, you can apply a self-tanner that can make you legs look thinner like you just got back from the Mexican Riveria

Wear Heels

Being tall like most of us actually helps because a longer line equals a leaner-looking you. If your mini dress is all one color or a simple style, you can get away with rocking a killer pair of heels. The added height will lengthen your legs and accentuate your calf muscles so you appear slimmer. What you won’t want to do is wear a heel that has an ankle strap. While these may look great on the rack or with a pair of pants, the strap can cut off the long leg line you are working hard to create.

Wear Black Opaque Tights

Black opaque tights are the little black dress for your legs. When you slip them on under your mini dress, your legs appear longer and there isn’t an ounce of cellulite or varicose veins in sight. If your mini dress is in a dark color, such as black, navy, maroon or a deep purple, the black leggings will help you achieve the long line that helps you appear taller and slimmer. As an added bonus, the tights will make you feel less self conscious if you are at all worried your dress could be on the short side.

So there’s your fashion fix for the month.  I can see it being on high rotation and like most condoms,  I just pray this one will not split.

Tags: fashion, featured, shopping, style

Category: Style, Transgender Fashion, Transgender Opinion