Dina’s Diner 11/13/23

‘DAD’ IS A MILF

I came across a Reddit post about cult films and one of the comment threads was about a film titled Real Men. It starred Jim Belushi and John Ritter about a regular guy being recruited as a secret agent of some sort. When I looked the film up in the Internet Movie Database, the cast included an actress named Dyanne Thorne.

Dyanne Thorne in Real Men.

The thumbnail photo for Ms. Thorne showed an attractive middle-aged lady who would be referred to now as a MILF. So I was intrigued. In the cast credit, Dyanne’s character was named “Dad.” She was supposed to be Jim Belushi’s father who had sex change surgery. The film was released in 1987 so the sensibilities are quite dated. In her one big scene, ‘Dad’ was coming on to John Ritter on a living room couch and exuding big MILF vibes.

It turns out that Dyanne Thorne is more famous for starring in a series of movies about “Ilsa” who was variously the She-Bitch of the SS; the Harem Keeper of the Oil Sheiks; the Tigress of Siberia; and the Wicked Warden. The first of the Ilsa genre was a wildly popular rental in the old VHS video store days. Dyanne also appeared in exploitation fare like The Swinging Barmaids and Wam Bam Thank you Spaceman. Those are all films from the 1970s. Her appearance in Real Men in 1987 is close to the end of her credits with a large gap before two appearances in horror films in 2013.

The tenuous thread to the trans world of playing a hot-to-trot transsexual is not the only reason I chose to write about Dyanne Thorne. I always liked the sleazy ‘70s exploitation fare and the actresses who populated them. Her biographical sketch says she started out as a singer, stage actress, and sketch comic. I guess someone noticed she had a rockin’ body and the rest is cult film history. If any one out there likes beautiful, domineering women in SS costumes, or prison wardens in thigh boots (c’mon, I know you’re out there), you can explore Dyanne’s body of work as “Ilsa.”

COMING HOME

Mid-October saw the ‘homecoming’ celebrations for colleges and high schools across the nation. Homecoming kings and queens were crowned at midfield, alumni and other luminaries paraded down Main Streets, football games were played.

I started to notice that Instagram and Facebook were filled with ‘homecoming’ photos. The most interesting of these were the homecoming formals for the high schools. Group photos of teen queens dressed to the nines. I don’t remember if we had homecoming dances when I was in high school. One thing I can say with certainty: high school girls did not dress in the 1970s as they do some fifty years on.

Homecoming girls.

Spangled, beaded, and shimmering dresses, many extremely short, with low cut necklines, and high heels were the uniform of the season for most of the girls pictured. Many of the photos I saw online were posted by proud parents so perhaps the sexy cocktail dresses on teen girls are not so much a scandal as a point of pride. Good for them and their daughters

Their fancy dresses would be awesome to slip into and parade around in — if we could get our adult male bodies into these tiny designs. Another point of envy is to see groups of girls in their beautiful finery posed outside of the event venues, in parks, on sidewalks, in daylight, free to enjoy their dressed-up selves without fear or bashfulness. We should be so lucky for the opportunity.

I don’t know if any of us would really want to be sixteen again. But a chance for one magical night as a homecoming glamour girl wouldn’t be turned down.

OVER THE TOP

I came across an older article about a British TV personality’s breasts. I saw it on a Yahoo.com news site so I don’t know the original source. The article was headlined, “Ridiculous”: UK TV Presenter Maya Jamal Defends Busty Dress. It appeared on Yahoo way back on October 14, 2020.

Maya Jamal in that dress.

Maya Jamal is a BBC personality and when she hosted a show called Save Our Summer, she was called out by some defenders of propriety for the cleavage-baring dress she wore on the show. The interesting thing about the controversy (aside from Maya’s lovely bosom) was her response. The article quoted her: “I’ve always worn the same thing but when I was slimmer nobody commented on it and as soon as you have got a fuller figure people are shocked and insulted by your body, so I found it ridiculous,” the star told Mail Online. “I’ve been wearing the same outfits, the same cut tops, my entire career and there was never really that many comments on it until I started putting on a bit of weight.”

Her response hit home with me. Perhaps it will with you, too. Although it seems obvious, gradual weight gain affects parts of the body you don’t think of as being a visible fat center. When I started to put weight back on (after having lost quite a bit in my active crossdressing years), I noticed it wasn’t just in my belly. That’s where the eye travels when you assess your slimness or lack thereof. But if you ever try on an old jacket, you notice that your shoulders, your back, your whole upper torso has also expanded. Dress shirts I once wore everyday to work would strangle me if I tried to button the collar now.

So when Maya Jamal put on a few pounds (she still looks great as you can see), some of that weight went to her boobs. As crossdressers we could capitalize on that if we increase weight since we don’t normally have boobs, or hips, or plump derrieres. But it doesn’t seem to work that way. Who says God doesn’t have a sense of humor?

When I started to put weight back on and the waistline was competing with the bust-line for attention, I did something that perhaps Maya Jamal could appreciate: I started wearing bigger boobs.

BIG RED IS LITTLE SEEN

I was never a big fan of redheaded women in my earlier years despite their place in the popular culture as vixens. Jessica Rabbit could have had any color hair drawn on to her sultry frame but they chose a noticeable shade of red to match those curves. When I was a kid, girls with red hair were usually pale, freckled, and either slightly chubby or scrawnilly thin. So I don’t know where my interest in redheads came from in the past decade or so.

Classic redhead.

According to a Wikipedia entry on redheads, they make up only 1.2% of the world population. That figure goes up to 6% in Northern Europe and North America with Scotland topping everyone at around 13%. Those small percentages alone qualify the redhead as an exotic species among us.

There is a particular type of redhead that I like. I think many of you will know the type I mean and may even agree with me on this point. Those redheads with a brighter shade of orange-ish hair, pale skin, perhaps some freckles, and (how best to say this?) sizeable boobs. This is the classic redhead. And that combination of attributes seems to be common in purebred redheads. Think Christina Hendricks from Mad Men, or early Susan Sarandon, or current day Bryce Dallas Howard.

Despite the historic depiction of the redhead as a sexual archetype (think Ginger Grant or the aforementioned Jessica Rabbit), it is rare to see a crossdresser with a red wig for her adopted hair color. I would hazard a guess that, in the U.S. or even the U.K, crossdressing redheads are even a smaller percentage than the 6% in the general population. Maybe it’s harder to find a redheaded wig. I never checked myself. I have a feeling that it is simply overpowered by the more plentiful brown hues and the popularity of blondes.

Perhaps the redhead is the “redheaded stepchild” of crossdressing. They get little or no love or representation. But if you’re out there somewhere — the crossdressing doppelganger of Nicole Kidman, or Amy Adams, or Isla Fisher, or Karren Gillan, et. al — I’d love to see ya, Red.

LESS IS MORE

Pantsless fashion.

Pants-less, that is. I saw an article in The New York Times headlined Is the Pantyhose-As-Pants Look a Real Thing? It appeared in the paper’s Style section on October 30, 2023.

The article was answering this question from a Times Style reader: “I thought pantyhose were dead, but now it seems as if they are being treated as the equivalent of actual pants. Are we really supposed to believe the pantyhose-instead-of-pants look I see on social media is going to be a trend? And I thought leggings were bad.” The article was accompanied by a photo of celebrity Kendall Jenner on a city street wearing a sweater that did not extend beyond her waist and black pantyhose (with an opaque panty area) and expensive looking pumps.

In answer to the reader’s question, the article recounted a brief history of “pantsless” fashion. I’ve heard of it before. The Times notes that in some runway fashion shows of the recent past, models have paraded in blouses, sweaters, and other tops with only sheer or colored tights below. The article also notes that Edie Sedgwick — one of Andy Warhol’s avant-garde group — was seen “prancing around the Factory in black tights and a boat-neck tee (In 1965, Life magazine crowned her “the girl with the black tights.”)” When you consider that pantyhose was only invented in 1959, wearing them as your only bottom garment in the mid-60s qualifies as “avant-garde” indeed.

As you could have guessed, I am a big fan of the pantsless trend, or re-boot, or however you care to consider it. Of course, the main feature in the pantsless ensemble is the pantyhose or tights. In Diners past I have lamented the popular decline of pantyhose in the 2000s and the historical showbiz appeal of shiny tights and fishnets for performers like Taylor Swift and Beyoncé. I daresay that most of you reading this have a stash of pantyhose and wouldn’t feel completely dressed without them.

The question for crossdressers is: would you go pantsless in a public setting (other than Halloween or some other private activity, ahem, you might get up to)? What’s good for the goose is good for the gander, as they say. But you will need to have a strong tucking game if you do.

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Tags: crossdressing, featured

Category: Transgender Fun & Entertainment