Dina’s Diner — REAL WOMEN…AND A COUPLE OF UN-REAL WOMEN

Dina’s Diner has a couple of blue plate specials this week. Check out the Elizabeth Berkley, it’s steamy. And then your waitress will tell you all about what she thinks of women in politics, discuss her favortie Russ Meyer actresses and a whole lot more. It’s all in this edition of Dina’s Diner.

SHOWGIRLS, PART 2

The New York Times had an article about actress Elizabeth Berkley in the May 25 Sunday Television section. Apparently Ms. Berkley has been signed up as the celebrity host for a new reality dancing show on the Bravo network. They were going to call it “So You Want to be Survivor’s Big Brother’s America’s Top Chef Model Dancing with the Stars!” but decided at the last moment to title it simply “Step It Up & Dance.” At least there’s another reality series to watch.

But back to Elizabeth Berkley. Her nearly career-sinking starring role as Nomi in the film Showgirls in 1995 has been getting a second look in some critical quarters. And Liz herself is seen as something of a survivor (no, not that kind of Survivor) for keeping on keeping on in films and TV when lesser Stars (the Dancing kind or not) might have given up.

As always, I do some deep (or cursory, if you’re a stickler for the truth) research for these items and I was re-acquainted with Ms. Berkley’s work in Showgirls via some YouTube clips. In each she was topless, dancing seductively with the minx-like Gina Gershon. Actually, I always thought the reason why Showgirls tanked was that the teasing lesbianic attraction of Gina and Elizabeth was never brought to full bloom in the movie. For those who care to do their own research, Elizabeth Berkley has a large – uh – body of topless work which is verifiable through a quick Google Images search. Why take my word for it?

According to the Times article, Ms. Berkley is now 35 years old, a long way from Showgirls and Saved By the Bell, where she first tightened the jeans of male admirers just about 20 years ago. The Times also carried a photo from the show with Elizabeth looking beautiful while cha-cha-ing in a fringed flapper dress with ankle strap high heels. Bravo, indeed!

WOMEN IN POLITICS – A SHALLOW REVIEW

Recently, I found myself watching the HBO movie Recount about the 2000 election fiasco in Florida and, not long after that, seeing Barack and Michelle Obama bounding onstage to accept victory as the Democratic nominee-apparent. These disparate events made me think about women in political life – from my narrowly-focused crossdresser’s perspective.

The Recount movie featured actress Laura Dern as former Florida Secretary of State Katherine Harris. I’ve always liked Laura Dern and was surprised at how well they turned her blonde asymmetrical beauty into a dead ringer for Ms. Harris, who became the butt of many jokes for her hair and makeup choices – not to mention her role in the presidential election. For myself, and despite all the jokes, I always liked Katherine Harris’ looks because she seemed to use as much makeup and mascara as most middle-aged crossdressers, among whose number I count myself. I hadn’t thought much of Katherine Harris for a long time and when I dug into the aforementioned research effort, I came across some photos of Ms. Harris while she was running an ultimately unsuccessful campaign for U.S. Senate in 2006. There were some great news photos of Harris in a cowboy hat, tight knit top, wrangler jeans and cowboy boots astride a horse during a campaign event. At the time of the photo, Katherine would have been 47-48 years old – and even dyed-in-the-wool liberals would have to admit that the lady has a smokin’ body. Google it, and punch your chad yea or nay.

When I saw Michelle Obama trot onstage on Tuesday June 3, on the night her husband clinched the nomination, it re-confirmed the thought that she’s a very attractive woman – maybe the most beautiful potential first lady since Jackie Kennedy. (She also has hips that would sink the entire Kennedy fleet of vessels). Interestingly enough, The New York Times carried an article about her independent fashion sense in their Sunday Styles section on June 8. In fact, the theme of that article was that Michelle Obama is using the kind of classic A-line dresses, and large faux pearls that signal she is ready for the White House. It is thought that she consults with a couple of designers but basically dresses herself based on her own tastes.

And to give credit where it’s due, there are many other political women who can turn heads. I always like Condoleeza Rice when I see her. She is another political woman with a great body that she apparently works out rigorously. She created a mini-stir last year in the blogosphere when she wore a knee length dress with black leather boots while reviewing the troops on a foreign trip. Cindy McCain has that classic fair and blonde beauty and a slim figure that should get more attention than it does for the taste of shallow political lemmings like me. Fred Thompson came under a bit of criticism (from jealous and Church Lady types, most likely) for having a much younger trophy wife (Jeri) who was accused of pushing him into his doomed run for the nomination. Elaine Chao, Bush’s Secretary of Labor is kind of cute, if you like Asian women (oh, you do?) And how about Chelsea Clinton, blossoming into an attractive 28-year old public woman after all those tasteless comments when she was in her awkward years. Did you know that there was an Internet blog obsession with House Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s breast size? (Google that phrase, sometime, why doncha?). If you never noticed, the slightly built 67-year old Speaker of the House has a pretty amazing bust line. Some blogs and discussion boards found themselves entertaining speculation about Nancy’s twins not long after she became a national figure, so to speak.

Politics, they say, makes strange bedfellows. We should be so lucky.

“I’M SORRY WE DON’T HAVE YOUR SIZE”

The delightfully snarky pop culture commentator Cintra Wilson had an article in the May 1, 2008 New York Times Style section under the headline “Open-Toed Fetishes (and More).” For some reason, that headline caught my eye.

Cintra wrote of visiting the Christian Louboutin shoe boutique on the Upper East Side of Manhattan to see what was all the fuss about these suddenly must-have pumps, platforms, and mules. The funny thing was that Cintra and most of the other customers in the store could not find anything in their sizes. This created a funny scene of gnashing teeth, raised voices, frayed nerves and checkbooks just itching to be emptied of upwards of $4,700 for a pair of the Louboutin creations. (Manolo Blahnik, you are so over).

One of the Louboutin shopgirls was described in terms of the Addams Family’s Wednesday – goth, bored, and unhelpful. The other assistant was helpful but unable to do so because the most popular styles were sold out in normal sizes. “Your size is the most popular one. I wish I could sell you some shoes but all we have is 5, 6, and 40.” Size 40? Maybe we of the larger (but still tres femme) foot have some hope at Louboutin where our gender-advantaged sisters have struck out. And it’s about damn time.

A PAIR WITH A PAIR

The late Russ Meyer is known for making risqué movies in the late ’50s, ’60s and ’70s featuring women with well-endowed bosoms. The movies are pretty tame when viewed against the porn revolution that eventually over-ran him but the films also have some art in them for those who can see past Kitten Natividad’s, Ushi Digard’s and the rest of the Meyer girls’ massive hooters. In one of his obituaries, Meyer was quoted as saying. “[My fans] like big laughs and big tits. Fortunately, that’s what I like too.”

I was Googling some of the Meyer girls’ names and when I entered June Mack into the search engine I got a very interesting Internet citation in return. June Mack appeared in Meyer’s 1979 Beneath the Valley of the UltraVixens as Junkyard Sal, the owner of a junkyard that somehow figured into the absurd plot of the movie. Junkyard Sal was a huge-busted African American woman who ruled her business and her two lunk-headed male employees with iron tits.

The Internet citation that I saw in the Google results said that June Mack was, in fact, a transsexual who had her breasts increased surgically. This being an Internet blog entry, there is no way to verify it. Looking at the photos of June from that period, the idea that she was a transsexual is believable because she seems to have un-natural facial features and she seems to be wearing a wig. (Hardly conclusive evidence, but corroborating perhaps). There is no mention if Meyer knew that June was a transsexual and it could be that some combination of her massive hooters and Meyer’s sense of humor could have cast her even if he knew she was a TS. The sad part of the June Mack blog entry said that she was shot dead in the ’90s, hit by a bullet that was meant for her boyfriend. No other Internet sources confirm or deny this story.

I also did a Google search for Alaina Capri, an actress who appeared in two Meyer films, Common Law Cabin (my favorite) and Good Morning/Good-Bye both filmed in the last half of the ’60s. Alaina Capri has been something of a Moby Dick for me ever since I saw her in Common Law Cabin on VHS in the ’80s. I simply loved her as the classic Meyer super-bitch with super breasts.

In Common Law Cabin she plays a strong woman with the requisite Meyer body and a weak husband. One blog entry said that she started out (using her real name) as Miss Muscle Beach (somewhere in California) in the late ’50s when she was 16 years old. Here’s where I have to surmise a few things about Alaina: she was probably a go-go girl or stripper in the LA/Hollywood area who caught the eye of Meyer who cast her in his two films. The thing is – the lady could act. Her character is the straw that stirs the drink in Cabin and she plays the brassy bitch role as well as anyone else could have – but with bigger tits. Here is a small taste of the movie, Alaina sunbathing by the pool while the menfolk sip cocktails. Meyer does a closeup of Alaina’s gorgeous bikini’d rump and an old guy in nautical cap raises his drink and toasts “Here’s to round-bottomed boats!”

A blog entry said that she quit making movies with Meyer to become a teacher. Mom?

Category: Transgender Fun & Entertainment