Being An Admirer: It is Not as Easy as It Looks

He was in Danbury, Connecticut. As he sat alone having dinner, he could not help looking over to the three t-girls at the nearby table. He guessed that they were crossdressers and not transsexuals. They were cute but certainly readable, he noted. Some of their mannerisms were just a little off. He also noted with pleasure that few if any of the other customers seemed to notice or care the three were there. Gone are the days when the presence of crossdressers in a straight crowd would bring glances, whispers, and snickering. ‘That’s progress,’ he thought.

Allan took such notice because he was a crossdresser himself, not a closet crossdresser but a full-fledged out and about, free-loving crossdresser. Under normal circumstances that evening he would have been ‘en femme’ and dining before a trip to the Tranny and Friends Party at the nearby Triangles gay bar. Yes, the same Triangles that closed a few years ago. Under normal circumstances he would have remembered to pack his wigs with the rest of his femme apparel. He didn’t this time. He surmised that the wigs were still at home in a box on the floor beside their bed where his wife would surely find them. But that is another story.

It was about that time that an idea came to him. The ladies were ordering their desert. His server was bringing him his check. Without a wig to wear he had resigned himself to staying in, watching some Saturday night college football games. ‘No. I’m going to go to Triangles tonight,’ he said to himself. ‘I will go but I’ll go as an admirer. Maybe I’ll even pick up one of those girls.’

He thought it would be a ‘piece of cake’. There would be no indecision about which dress to wear, no fretting about the wig, no care needed to get the makeup just right. He would just have to put on some ‘boy’ clothes and go.

Boy clothes? That was the first problem. He had left home expecting to spend the rest of the weekend en femme. He only had the shirt and jeans he was wearing and they were anything but fresh. Strike One! He would not be able to look or feel his best. As his femme identity ‘Ellen’ our friend took pride in wearing neat clean clothes, in looking clean and in even smelling clean.

Making the best of it, after a bit of a rest, a shower and shave Allan made his way out of town and down the dark road that led to the club then known as Triangles.

The club was already busy by the time Allan got there. It would get busier by the time the night was over but already there were groups of CDs and other Trans ladies, some admirers, some couples and a number of the regular gay/lesbian clientele. “I wonder what they feel about having to give over their club one night a month?” Ellen/Allan often thought.

Although he was a semi-regular at these special Triangles trans nights it did not take Allan long to feel things were going to be different this time. Normally Ellen would have been able to walk up to any group of t-girls and be accepted right into the conversation. ‘Where are you from?’ ‘That’s a lovely dress’ would be typical welcoming lines. Some of the more forward gals might say something like ‘OOOH, you look HOT!’ thus signaling that later they would be open for some girl-on-girl action.

Allan recognized some of the t-gals but he did not really know them and they certainly would not recognize him, dressed as he was. He approached one group, naively expecting to be welcomed into the conversation. “Hi, ladies, how are you all this evening? My name is Allan.” He might have received a cold hello before the ladies turned their backs to him.

‘Yikes’, Allan thought, ‘Do I smell that bad?’ He tried another group: same reaction. He retreated to one of the bars.

Luckily for him another CD was at the bar. She was willing to talk with him. “I saw what just happened,” she started. “Got the cold shoulder, didn’t you?”

“Suddenly it felt freezing in here,” he replied. “I don’t get it. When I come here in drag everyone is so friendly. What is happening? Do I smell bad or something?

“Oh, so you’re one of us? That’s different,” said Allan’s bar companion, “My name is Linda. Let’s talk” Linda proved to be older and far more experienced in the ways of the admirer culture than Allan thought possible.

“You must know this. Whenever a crossdresser goes anywhere or meets anyone, she is initially going to have a defensive attitude. She can never be sure how others are going to react to her. So, turning their backs to you is an almost reflexive group action for protection of the group.

“You must also know,” Linda continued, “that not all the crossdressers are here for the same reason. We assume that if a guy is here alone on a tranny night he is here for one reason. He must be an admirer so he wants to hit on us or get hit on by one of us. Achieving a sexual encounter is the name of their one and only game.

With crossdressers it is different. A large number of us are straight, have no interest in guys but are here at Triangles because it is a relatively safe environment to be out and to mingle with like-minded people. But here is the thing: even among those who do not want to be with a man there is a certain good feeling in knowing that someone is interested and in being able to say ‘not interested’ in return. It is empowering.”

“I take it that’s not you?” Allan asked.

“Hell no!” exclaimed Linda, “but let me continue. There are many among the CD crowd who may not enjoy being with a man who is dressed like a man, dressed like you. But they seem to enjoy being with other CD’s. They have probably spent years in the closet being turned on by looking at their male image enclosed in feminine garments. Now it seems natural that they get turned on by other males wearing the same type of clothing. When they have sex with another CD they can rationalize that they are not gay because the person they are with is emotionally a woman or at least presenting as a woman.

“I take it that’s not you?” Allan asked again.

“Hell no!” exclaimed Linda also again, “but in a pinch I’ll go there. I know one group that gets together here. They come from different parts of the northeast. They all stay in the same hotel in Danbury and when the night is over at Triangles they will go back to the hotel for a sex party that will last pretty well all night. Tomorrow morning, they will check out of the hotel as guys and not even acknowledge they know each other. Would they invite an admirer to join them? I really don’t think so.”

“How do you know this?” Allen asked.

“Oh, it’s true. I’ve been with them.” Linda replied then continued, “so it’s not that easy for the admirer. He comes here looking for a sex partner. But to find one he must find his way through the straight CD’s that do not want to be with anyone and the semi-straight CDs who only want to be with other CDs and the next morning pretend it never happened.

“Then when the admirer does find a CD willing to be his partner for the evening there is the question of compatible sexual desires. Who is the top? Who is the bottom?”

“I hate those terms,” said Allan, “why would people want to limit themselves that way?”

“So do I,” agreed Linda, “but if an admirer uses it to signal that he would want me to perform anal sex on him then it’s time for me to move on.”

Allan got the message. “No worries there,” he replied, “I’m very flexible and can go with the flow.”

“So how do I break the ice and find the right girl?” Allen asked. “When I’m here as Ellen I either get approached or I can make an approach. All the guys here seem to want it so it must be difficult for a ‘sister’ to strike out. With the t-girls what would you say? Maybe 30% are on the hunt for a male partner for the night? How does an admirer find one of the willing 30%?”

“30%? I’d have no idea but it could be a good guess. There are the gals who will enjoy doing more than one guy in a night. There is one who apparently has the back of her minivan outfitted with a mattress and a supply of condoms. I would not be surprised if she also has a safety deposit box. If you look around enough, she will find you.”

“I’m not looking to pay for it,” retorted Allen.

“There are some things to look for that will help an admirer find the right t-gal. You see how when they are together that is like a herd of animal’s defensive posture. When one detaches herself from the group, like that gal over there has just done, that is a pretty clear signal that she is ready to accept a companion. See; she is holding a near empty glass. That is also a pretty good sign that if an admirer wants her company for a while then he just has to offer to buy her a drink.”

“A drink? She would go to bed for a drink?” Allan seemed shocked.

“Maybe not, a drink won’t get an admirer that far but it will open the door a bit,” explained Linda. “How far through the door he gets will still depend on the impression he makes, on whether she determines he would be good company and of course on whether after talking with her he still wants her.”

“Yes, I’ve often thought of a drag club as being not much different from any singles bar.”

Linda continued, “We are not that different. We t-gals are here to feel good about ourselves each in our own way. The admirers are no different. But as you are finding out the admirers have a much tougher time than us in finding the right person to feel good with.”

At some point during that conversation Linda decided Allan would be a good companion for the night both at Triangles and after. Allan made the same decision about Linda, “Can I buy you another drink?” he asked.

“I thought you would never ask,” she replied with a coy smile.

Through the evening the two became very close, sharing details about their jobs, their families and mutual interests in sports and the election campaigns under way. They were both going to support the Democrats that year. However, neither found gay rights or trans rights to be particularly important issues compared to health care and ending costly foreign wars.

Linda found it so refreshing that Allan did not want to just play at the ‘dating game’. It was nice that every third question was not some variation of ‘So what do you like to do?’ Or ’Do you still get hard?’ (Admirers take note: it’s not all about sex). Allan was impressed how Linda’s mannerisms were so completely feminine. Her posture was feminine. Her voice and vocal inflections were feminine. She let him carry the conversation and yes, she let him buy the drinks. (Crossdressers take note: crossdressing is about more than just putting on a dress).

At some point in the evening Allan asked if Linda would like to have breakfast with him the next morning.

She said, “Yes, that would be nice.”

“Shall I call you or nudge you?” he replied.

Linda had heard that line before. Linda had even used that line. She laughed as if it was the first time she had heard it. “If you promise to be gentle a nudge would be nice,” she smiled.

They spent the night in Linda’s suite. Before Allan awoke Linda was up to re-set her make-up. She did not need that nudge.

A few hours later as the two new friends made their ways home in different cars going in different directions each thought back.

“Allan was nice. I hope I get to see him again,” thought Linda.

“That was interesting being an admirer,” reflected Allan, “I hope I never have to do it again.” When he got home his wife and the wigs were waiting for him.

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Tags: admirers, crossdressing, featured

Category: crossdressing