What Happened to the Damascene Conversion We Were Promised?
A few weeks ago, I posted on a Facebook men-in-skirts activist group a picture of me in my local supermarket, pretending to look glum, while holding what I described as two copies of the “designer skirt” I was wearing. (Some of you may remember it from my last TGF article.) One of the comments that followed read:
“To be able to wear tights/pantyhose along with a skirt/dress would be a lot more comfortable … Looks like it’ll be a while before something like this is more accepted here in Canada.”
This reminded me of the sort of whinge I used to hear in the Beaumont Society (apparently, the UK’s oldest crossdresser support group) during my time as a member in the late 1990s and early 2000s. Despite having been in existence for more than three decades by that time, the society had done nothing for its members apart from providing them with a bigger closet; the overwhelming majority were still so deeply in denial that they didn’t even contribute articles to the quarterly magazine, far less submit any personal details or photographs of themselves. Many of those who did put pen to paper moaned about how unfair the world was, because they “weren’t able” or “weren’t allowed” to go out dressed in public. The tyrant of the piece was always the public acceptance of crossdressing — or rather, a perceived lack of it. And yet, in a triumph of hope over reason, there was a widespread expectation amongst crossdressers that public acceptance would one day come to pass, all by itself … although no-one could say precisely how, when, or why this miraculous Damascene Conversion would take place. But what was very clear was that no-one was willing to actually do anything which might even loosely be described as “advocacy” in order to hasten the event.
I wrote articles for the magazine describing this stance as cowardice. I explained that all other minority groups — race, sex, disability, LGB — had won recognition through sheer hard work and perseverance, often resulting in arrest, imprisonment, abuse, assault, even death, and that if we crossdressers wanted similar recognition, we’d have to stop cowering in our closets, make ourselves visible to the outside world, then state our demands and follow them up with a sustained program of activism. It’s a matter of history that I was one of a handful of crossdressers who practised what they preached — I dispensed with my body padding, my female identity, and my wigs, and successfully negotiated with my employer for the right to wear women’s clothes to work. I was subsequently instrumental in helping them develop a public-domain transgender diversity policy — the first of its kind for a global organization — aimed at supporting crossdresser and transsexual employees worldwide.
When I embarked singlehandedly on my program of activism in late 1999, I was all too familiar with the crossdressing scene; I expected a continuation of the prevailing apathy, the endless excuses for inaction, and the lack of any form of even verbal support. What I didn’t expect was the vicious torrent of abuse from other crossdressers, the censoring of my magazine submissions, and my eventual expulsion from the Beaumont Society for “conduct likely to damage the society’s reputation.” I also didn’t expect to have to engage a solicitor to defend myself against a senior committee member who attempted to publish a libellous article denouncing accounts of my ongoing achievements as a pack of lies. Such was the status quo at the time: crossdresser groups were so paranoid that I was going to blow the doors off the closet that they weren’t satisfied with simply ignoring me — they took every opportunity to actively silence me and discredit my work. It’s a pity that their energy and passion were so badly misdirected — appropriately channelled, they could have been a valuable resource.
That was 15 years ago; if I was wrong, and everyone else was right, what changes has the crossdressing community seen in the period since, and what benefits have been derived for its members? Well, the most obvious thing to have happened is that the one-time crossdresser support groups have become dominated by the transsexual agenda. In fact, the term “transgender” — originally coined to describe crossdressers who specifically don’t wish to undergo a sex change — has ironically now become synonymous with “transsexual” to the point where, if one states that one is “transgender,” the automatic expectation is that they will have the operation. Transsexuals have become the latest group to demand their human rights, following on from ethnic, women, disability, and LGB … but what about crossdressers specifically? Where are all the great advances towards acceptance that I was assured were magically going to happen? Where are all the crossdressers who should feel safe being “out and proud,” now that the public have started accepting us?
They don’t exist, of course. The crossdressing community has always thought it knew best: however, its members have not only vastly overestimated the level of public interest in their affairs, but they’ve also failed to observe and understand the tactics being employed by other pressure groups — including transsexuals right under their noses. They’ve sat idly back, pouting narcissistically into their closet mirrors, while their unique interests have been side-lined within their own support networks by the less numerous but far more vocal transsexuals. They’ve completely abdicated their place at the negotiating table (not that most of them even knew there was a negotiating table), and are now almost totally invisible not only in the outside world, but even within the support groups themselves. It gives me no pride to say “I told you so”, but … well, I told you so.
It’s a pathetic indictment on the crossdressing community that, even today, its members still don’t have the courage to stand tall and refute the damaging lies about what they are and what they do that pervade the gutter press and the Internet. If similar lies were even implied about an ethnic minority, for example, the perpetrator would be in court before their feet could touch the ground. Frankly, I’m ashamed and embarrassed to be associated with people like this.
My Facebook reply to the above comment said “Why do you suppose acceptance will happen on its own? If you want acceptance for what you do, YOU have to bring the issue to the public’s attention, then YOU have to make it acceptable. That’s what activism is all about.” The response was “True enough, Graham. True enough.”
I suppose I should regard it as progress that someone’s actually agreeing with me now, rather than trying to shoot me down in flames ….
What do you think? Do you agree with Graham that crossdressers should all come out of the closet and show the world how many CDs their are. or do you feel CDs should continue to try and blend in and not make waves? Or do you think crossdressers have made strides toward acceptance? Use the comment area below. (You must be a registered user and logged in to comment.)
Category: Transgender Opinion
About the Author (Author Profile)
Graham is an Englishman who proudly wears women's clothing with no attempt to pass as a female. His hobbies include winemaking, music and leading on telephone scammers making them think they can get his personal information, then telling them to sod off.Subscribe
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I find much of what Graham, Tasi and Linda have to say to be useful, on target and applicable in many circumstances.
The security of the closet, however, must depend on the individual circumstances of the individual. Is there a marriage to consider, are children involved, is the person employed in a position that could be threatened, etc.???
What we may agree on is that all of our heads are on the verge of explosion (or implosion) over the labeling issue. Since each of us are many things and wear many hats we should realize that “one size fits all” does not apply to people any more than it works for pantyhose. Rather than finding a noun (I am a cross dresser) that would work for me I favor use of a verb (I cross dress). While I do cross dress as often as I can most of my time is spent in guy mode. I also work, drive a car, eat, etc. Cross dressing is only a component of my overall being.
While the concept of a ‘Damascene conversion’ is appealing we should not be sitting around and holding our breath. What has been happening and looks like it will continue to happen and hopefully grow is the evolution of individual conversions. It seems that every time I get out and about and simply chat with someone that person finds that I am a genuine human being. They may not agree with my positions of lots of things but they will find that I am just like the next person they meet in most ways and that the fact that I am an older, larger guy dressed nicely as an older larger woman is just one aspect of the total person.
Pat
Ahhh, Tasi … Magic Passport: MC = MasterCard. Just got it!
Re-reading your comment, it occurs to me that the UK’s Equality Bill is a paradox. It encourages us to think that activism isn’t needed because the law will force everyone to walk on eggshells, so protecting the vulnerable from criminals. Of course, it’s merely an exercise in gluing veneer over a piece of rotting wood – crime simply goes underground. I’ve tried on many occasions to provide factual information about crossdressing (which is still misunderstood and under-represented) to the Police, the council, colleges, and schools, but there’s always the insistence that training material is readily available for those who need it. This may be true – diversity awareness seminars are big money-spinners for the companies who provide them, despite them being more of a box-ticking exercise than anything of value. (I know – I sat through loads of them in BT.) Nevertheless, there remains a lot of misinformation, half-truths and assumptions in some areas – and in particular with respect to crossdressing – because the people who write the training material aren’t experts, and often don’t know what they’re talking about.
On the other hand, where the slate is “blank”, as it were – as it is in many states in the US – it might well be easier (in some sense) for the lay person with the appropriate knowledge and experience to be able to put the right information out there on day one via lectures and advocacy work – in essence, you as the expert get to write the training material.
Sometimes I think I have it too easy in the UK … but it’s also a source of great frustration! People generally aren’t offended by me, and VERY few take a pot-shot at me in the street. When it happens, I insist that part of their “penalty” is sitting with me, face-to-face, discussing why they reacted as they did … usually it’s because they harboured misapprehensions about what I am. I then get a chance to enlighten them, which I regard as a win-win … but unless they initiate the incident in the first place, none of this happens, and the result is that bad information remains in circulation because there’s no trigger to force it to change. And the overarching shadow of the Equality Bill lulls us all into a false sense of security, because we think that we all know everything there is to know about minorities …
Thanks for the suggestion Tasi – I still have a couple of ideas to explore for these pages … neither quite as controversial as the current one, but I think it’s good to occasionally get people passionate about what they believe in – and perhaps it may even draw some others out of their quiet anonymity to express an opinion. I’ve occasionally referenced my work at BT, so you probably have the entire story scattered about in pieces … but I’ll form it into a coherent narrative at some point.
And yes, I’ve been told that “crossdresser” is old-school terminology, and I should use the term “genderfluid” instead; in my case, “genderqueer”, or “gender-nonconforming” are both appropriate. I’ve had long discussions recently on professional forums about labels. (Hah – haven’t we all?) The thing is that many of the terms we throw around are unknown outside the trans world. Accordingly, I tend to start at “crossdresser” where many ordinary people (such as clients and potential employers) most likely have at least some minimal knowledge, then qualify it to my personal profile. I’ve never liked “genderqueer” as I think it’s misleading (as in “queer” = gay), and “nonconformist” sounds like I’m just out to cause trouble! But the labels I use to describe myself are under constant review.
Your comments are very interesting, Linda. I don’t doubt that what you say is true – in fact, you paint an encouraging picture – but I can assure you that it doesn’t happen where I live. I don’t know the exact nature of your location, but the fact that I live in a tiny village (I can walk round it in 25 minutes!) on the outskirts of a small town in a county known as “sleepy Suffolk” may be significant! It’s highly likely that, if I were living in or near a major city, I’d see more of life in all its variety. I know that many of the clubs in London are very relaxed and inclusive, and that sort of environment is bound to attract bohemians. On the other hand, the clubs in my local Ipswich are known only for their drunken behaviour and knife-fights – much of the centre of town is a no-go area for ordinary people at night … never mind trans people. Maybe I’ll come and visit you sometime, and see for myself … 🙂
I took part in a discussion recently about whether the old-style support groups have lost their appeal because of the availability of Internet chat-rooms: the prevailing opinion seemed to be that it was probably a factor. However, I don’t think support groups and chat-rooms are anything close to equivalent – furthermore, I see the nature of chat-rooms as the primary reason why crossdresser advocacy isn’t a wide-scale phenomenon. Transsexual advocacy began in places like real-world support groups, where people could meet physically and discuss the problems they were facing in their daily lives. Crossdressers, it seems, were never much interested in that aspect, and now the facility is being lost. While I often denigrate “tranny weekends” as simply big closets, they are at least places where novice crossdressers can meet face-to-face in a safe environment. On the other hand, a closet-for-one is still a closet-for-one, whether or not it has an Internet-linked computer in it, and it’s a very different atmosphere from a hotel bar full of other crossdressers. I’m sure we all remember the loneliness of our own childhood closets, rife with fear and paranoia? In any case, most of the guys I see in FB forums simply post pictures of themselves in dresses and tights from the neck downwards … while one can argue that it fulfils a necessary – even useful – function, it’s not really what you’d call progress.
Unfortunately, virtual worlds are a sign of the times. One can make a similar argument in favour of a meeting over coffee – or even an interactive telephone call – versus firing off an impersonal series of texts on a modern hand-held device. The latter is hardly an easy medium to discuss the delicate negotiations for one’s first venture out of the closet … never mind the finer points of political trans-activism!
First, I applaud Graham for the work he does and his courage and conviction in supporting his beliefs. There’s truth in that transsexuals are leading the parade for acceptance of the transgender community, although in Graham’s case, I suspect he is viewed more as genderqueer than a crossdresser.
I find the supposition that CDs in the UK still find the world a hostile and scary place. I’ve always considered the UK considerably more enlightened than the U.S. Many of the support groups here have active outreach program and appear regularly at church and university groups to teach about crossdressing. I personally have done so on many occasions.
I’ve been out and about in public all over the U.S. for over 10 years now and nary a problem and I don’t assume that I pass except in a small number of instances. Most of my friends have similar experiences. Of course there are many that stay hidden, but calling the world a hostile place is far too much a general statement. Most people simply don’t care and merchants love us when we wave our magic passport (MC).
Is there hostility? Of course, but there’s hostility against most minority groups wherever you go. I personally work to help CDs out of the closet but some don’t want to
come out and others are still too scared. Times are changing with the celebrities that have come out as transgender. Large corporations generally have diversity policies that protect us and the smaller ones are leaning that way with recent EEOC decisions that roll us under general discrimination clauses.
So Graham, perhaps you have painted too grim a picture. What would be more fruitful is a discussion about how you worked with your employer to achieve the gains that you earned
From you “just a crossdresser” friend
Tasi
Well I can tell you that seeing other crossdressers out and about does happen in this neck of the woods. In fact, last year I wrote a story about a friend of mine in drab that day who in the same day in the same store came across two CDs out and about separately. (Well I gave the story a little twist but that is what she really saw.)
But where are the CDs who are not going to support groups and who are not storming the streets demanding their rights?
Are they in the closet? Not necessarily. You must realize that the social dynamic of the young CD is changing. They are meeting on line. There are a number of websites that specialize in lining up CDs, trannies, TSs, etc with admirers or whatever they like.
One small example is Craig’s List. Did you know that since last Friday there are over 200 casual encounter ads placed on Craig’s List for London alone in the categories T4M and T4T.
For a lot of people sexual arousal is what pulls them in to crossdressing. They do not want to change the world they just want to enjoy the pleasure of sexual pleasure.
As Cindy Lauper sang “Girls just wanna have fun.” So do many T-girls.
Beaumont Society notwithstanding, in the old days we would go to groups such as London TV/TS Friends or to the Philbeach and spend the evening trying to find the right partner for the night. Nowadays the horny young CD and a few of the older ones just surf the Internet to find a partner. They think they don’t need the support groups and they don’t need the night clubs.
I remember the Winn-Dixie episode, Edie … I’d just started my own advocacy work in the UK. The US does seem to be very reluctant to accept both LGB and T people, even in the 21st century. I think it’s a religious objection … I’m amazed at the stories I read about people being refused college degrees, losing their jobs, etc., because they’re not Christian. Unbelievable in such a technologically advanced country! Atheism is no big deal in the UK, and I wouldn’t be surprised if our broader acceptance of non-conformist lifestyles is correlated to it.
One festival doesn’t equate to acceptance, Linda. I suspect that crossdressers aren’t particularly-much in evidence in Manchester outside of Sparkle, or in Scarborough, Rotherham, etc. outside of the annual organised “tranny weekends”. Having said that, the majority of the attendees at the weekend events never used to leave the hotel between arriving as a man on Friday, and leaving as a man on Sunday; such meetings were therefore more like big closets, so they don’t really count as public events, or as progress.
Come to think of it, many UK towns have recently started holding annual small-scale LGBT Pride events … my local town of Ipswich has had them for a decade or so now. Admittedly, I haven’t attended every one, but I’ve never seen a single other transperson there – transsexual, crossdresser, or man-in-a-skirt. Why not? Where are they all?
Of course we can both quote individual cases and experiences to each other, but let me just make this one further point: if 1 or 2 in 100 men are supposed to be compulsive crossdressers (that’s an old Beaumont Society estimate – I’ve since seen 1 in 10 quoted, but I’m sceptical of that figure), then where are they all? They’re certainly not overflowing onto the streets where I live. They’re not “out” at work because I or my contacts would know about it. They’re not known to the Police or the local Hate Crime Service, because again, I’d know about it. No-one in my Facebook advocacy groups has reported going to supermarket and seeing even a single crossdresser buying their weekly groceries. Ever. They must all be closeted – there’s no other explanation.
Crossdressers out and proud, standing tall and being counted? Crossdressers being politically active and fighting for their rights? Crossdressers working to stem the tide of tranny porn on the Internet? Sorry, but it just isn’t happening.
In most of the U.S., crossdressers are not “out and proud” simply because it is still legal to terminate employment of a person simply because they crossdress. Ancient history (1999), but kindly refer to Peter Oiler v. Winn-Dixie. Mr. Oiler, a truck driver for Winn-Dixie was fired because management learned that he crossdressed on his own time. Mr. Oiler counter sued, believing he was protected by federal sex discrimination laws. A judge decided otherwise.
On the other hand, in the support group arena, why are crossdressers mum? I too witnessed a transsexual takeover of a broad spectrum support group where the majority of the crossdressing population (who were the majority of the group’s population) either didn’t speak up or voted with their feet.
I didn’t write that you said “all crossdressers should come out of the closet”
What I take issue with is your blanket generalizations that may be true of some or even a majority but are not exclusively so. Some examples:”what was very clear was that no-one was willing to actually do anything which might even loosely be described as “advocacy” in order to hasten the event”
“its members still don’t have the courage to stand tall and refute the damaging lies about what they are and what they do”
“that the one-time crossdresser support groups have become dominated by the transsexual agenda”.
Anyone can certainly point to individual examples that would support your hypothesis but in no way are your assertions universal truths. Ottawa’s Gender Mosaic and Toronto’s Xpressions are just two examples of CD dominated groups that are leading the way to CD/TG acceptance.
While I have not had the pleasure of attending it looks as if Britain’s own Sparkle event is made up of a thousand or so crossdressers and friends willing to go out in the streets and parks of Manchester and proclaim “We’re here and we’re beautiful people!”
Thanks for this, Linda.
I haven’t made any assertion in my article that all crossdressers should come out of the closet. On the contrary, even though I disagree vehemently with the notion of a closet, I still recognise that it is, in some cases, the better of two evils when compared – for instance – to the prospect of wrecking a marriage where children are involved. The question of whether such people should have got themselves into this conundrum in the first place is a debate for another time. Nevertheless, one may safely presume that those who continually moaned (and still moan) about not being allowed to go out dressed because the public won’t tolerate it are expressing a wish to be able to do so … I trust you agree with that interpretation? As part of a support group, therefore, they could as a MINIMUM have provided moral support for other members to be trans advocates on their behalf. At a higher level, they could have banded together and engaged the support group itself to be an active campaigner. Otherwise exactly what “support” is being provided here? In fact, while the anonymity of the people involved wouldn’t have been compromised by either of these actions, they chose not only to do nothing positive, but to actively discredit me and my work. If you understand that mentality, then please explain it to me, because I sure as hell don’t get it.
As part of this work, I went to Westminster in 2004 with a member of my employer’s Policy Unit, and we met with ministers from the UK government to discuss the embryonic Equality Bill. There were representatives present from dozens of minority groups large and small (including transsexuals), and the subsequent list of private, public, and corporate advocates stretched to many pages … and yet there wasn’t so much as a whisper from any of the crossdresser support groups. Nevertheless, UK crossdressers now enjoy the sort of legal protection and rights to which you refer through the UK’s general policy on discrimination and hate crime – NOT because of anything that crossdressers specifically have done or not done, you understand, but because “transgender” is included thanks solely to advocacy by transsexuals … crossdressers benefit by default. So while transgender policy tends to be biased towards things like disclosure of pre-op history and changes to birth certificates which aren’t relevant to crossdressing, it’s good enough. I’ve had cause to put this to the test a couple of times over the past few years, and have nothing but praise for the way my complaints were handled and the way I was treated by the authorities.
Yet despite these facts, it’s made no difference to the number of visible crossdressers – I remain one of just a handful I could name who are “out” and disproving on a daily basis the lies which are even today being spread within the crossdressing community that the outside world is a hostile and dangerous place. Sadly, I don’t expect C-389 to make a lot of difference in Canada either, despite the efforts of a few brave individuals. Like Amanda, I’ve featured in the printed, electronic, and broadcast media in the UK – the truth surely has to be clear for all to see by now? If crossdressers don’t wish to take the our word for it, then fine – but dismissing factual evidence isn’t the action of a sound mind … and writing venomous libel to try to discredit colleagues working on their behalf is nothing short of cowardice.
You can write as many articles as you wish on the alleged thrill of the closet … I look forward to reading them, because that wasn’t my recollection! For every one you write, I’ll give you the (femme) name of someone who can’t wait to get out if they were convinced it was safe.
But hey … the subject of my article was the Damascene Conversion, and you still haven’t told us when we can expect it!
I can’t agree or disagree with the assertion that all crossdresers should come out of the closet. In my view that is for each individual to decide based on individual circumstances and on whether that individual feels a need for acceptance from others or from society.
However I do disagree with the generalization rampant throughout the article that, to quote just one portion, “It’s a pathetic indictment on the crossdressing community that, even today, its members still don’t have the courage to stand tall”.
Right now in Canada, in Ottawa, it is a number of out crossdressers that are in the forefront of the political lobbying for Parliament’s acceptance of Bill C-289 which when passed will enshrine transgender rights in Canadian law. The Bill has passed the House of Commons, the important step, and awaits its day in the Canadian Senate.
As with generalizations in general there can be some, perhaps lots of examples of what Graham is saying but it definitely is not a universal truth. A big Hurrah to Amanda Ryan and her friends in Ottawa’s Gender Mosaic support group. Amanda is one of many who talk the talk and walk the walk.
As for my views…. stay tuned I think I will write my own article about the thrill of the closet.