“How can we save our marriage when I hate when my husband’s crossdressing?”

I have been on the right side of things (i.e. meaning the left) all of my life. I have always supported gay rights, gay marriage, crossdressers, women’s rights etc. My father protested in the Stonewall Riots once he heard what the NYC police officers were doing to gay guys! Hell, I will be the first one leading the parade for your rights to dress up as women. Most of you know, as one of the authors of  The Crossdressers Wife * Our Secret Lives, I was married 20 long years to a CD — only knowing for 10 years. It was not going to work. Ever. He would LIE and say he wouldn’t do blah blah blah but he did it one too many times in front of me. — trying to get me to engage in sex. To my shame and horror, I did try to accommodate (I did love him) while I was disrespecting my own values, wants, needs and desires — that still haunts me.What about the wives that really love and adore their husbands who they claim are loving, sweet, kind, good fathers etc? They love their spouses but the most special thing about their relationship is — INTIMACY — and once it is gone — it isn’t coming back. Yes, you can and should go to counseling to give your marriage your all — if you still love her and want the marriage to stay intact. But what can be done when there is a standstill with having sex because of your crossdressing? And you have purged so many times — she isn’t buying that ‘boy that cried wolf story’ — so now the truth is out. Now what? Counseling one on one and or couples counseling can help you talk to each other — with an eye toward healing your marriage.

Communication is crucial. She tries to explain to you — though she loves you — she did not sign up to have sex with a man dressed in women’s clothes. You make her feel like a lesbian. She is close to throwing up every-time she sees her husband as ‘her.’ How can you expect her to change her sexual desires? It is like asking a gay man to have intercourse with a woman and enjoy it! Get it? This is it until the day you die or stop having sex. And how long are you going to be a crossdresser? Perhaps, her sexuality is also grounded in her preferable and pleasurable ways of having hot sex — and that is without a man in a tutu and a feminized body (no chest or leg hair). Many women just love running their hands threw their lovers/husbands chest hair and love the smell of a ‘real man’ after wild sex.

Many women love sex too and are starving for INTIMACY and you both want SEX. However at this stage, neither one of you is having any form of sex with each other. Some CDW go find lovers — and that works for them — while they stay married. Others of course go to the nearest store to pick up plenty of batteries for those lonely nights. And you probably are in the closet, or on your computer, dressed up and getting off, too. HUMMM. If it works for you and your wife — then there is no problem. Who knew batteries can save marriages? I know many have compromised their love making to keep their marriages and love intact and sometimes it seems to work. If it works for both of you — GREAT!

Do you ever feel as a married crossdresser that you will eventually win her over and all of a sudden she is going to alter her way of pleasurable lovemaking? And when are you going to stop crossdressing? As soon as your wife is craving to make love to you when you are all ‘dressed up’ in lingerie.

Blessings,
Dee A Levy

The Crossdressers Wife * Our Secret Lives
[email protected]

Tags: crossdressing, featured, opinion, partners

Category: Transgender Body & Soul, Transgender Opinion