Linda Jensen — Living The Life We Want

Is it a big deal for a male to go about his daily business dressed as a woman? At one time it was. In past times in certain places a male could be arrested and tossed in jail just for appearing in public dressed as a woman. Now, according to three friends I met in Toronto, it is pretty common place for them to go out in their preferred roles as Donna, Joanne and Karen. Each would describe herself as a crossdresser as opposed to someone on a mission of gender reassignment. Each is spending an extended period of time in her ‘second identity’.

I had met each girl on line. As was my habit when I knew I was going to be in Toronto I invited these friends to meet me for drinks. I wanted my friends to update me on how their time en femme was going. As one who now gets two or three days at most to bring out Linda I wanted to vicariously live their lives. Our rendezvous point was a hotel lounge where we could overlook the skaters on the rink at City Hall.

Sipping a white wine and watching the skaters below I saw the first to arrive was Donna. That was no surprise. She was always punctual. We first met in person two years ago.

I remember we were due to meet at 7:30 and precisely at that time she appeared at my door. Well, she was a ‘he’ then. Don explained that he was a ‘newbie,’ one not sure of these growing urges to dress and appear as a female. He had come to buy some outfits I was about to discard. As we rummaged through the piles of clothes I had brought to Toronto we talked about life and about crossdressing. I determined that this was a person to watch. Shortly after, Donna sent me some photos of her in my old dresses. She looked lovely. We got together later for a photo shoot where we took turns wearing the same dress. I must admit to second place there.

We kept in touch and met a couple of times over the past two years. I saw how Donna/Don was growing increasingly comfortable in the feminine role. So, it was not a complete surprise in late February that she sent out an e-mail to her friends saying that as a result of a New Year’s resolution she had spent all of the last seven weeks living as Donna.

“So how did you come to make such a big resolution?” I asked as she settled in.

“As you know I’m pretty androgynous, anyway so I just decided to go for it. I didn’t think it would be a big deal and it hasn’t been.”

“That’s easy for you to say,” I quipped but in fact I guess it was easy, At about 5’7”, slight build and a ‘to-die-for’ full head of hair which she had let grow out in to a very sexy feminine style befitting a lady in her early 50s Donna would not attract a lot of attention for her ‘stature’. In the two years since we first met Donna had removed her facial hair and learned from someone how to do a great job on her make-up.

“How does Lauren feel about this?” I asked referring to the love interest of Donna’s life.

“She is hanging in there. Lauren knows that Donna was part of me before we met and like you once said she doesn’t want to mess up the package she fell in love with. And frankly, she seems to enjoy the extra intimacy I bring to our bed.”

“When you are out in public do not people recognize you through her?”

“This is Toronto. It’s not Kingston,” Donna said referring to my small town, “we rarely meet someone we know but when we do its like I want people to know this is who I am.”

I stopped myself from chiding her about the teen-girl language she was adopting.

“So what’s it been like?” I asked.

“The amazing thing was how easy it was, once the decision was taken! I am lucky… in casual encounters like walking in a mall or grocery shopping I do not draw undue attention. But I don’t delude myself….I know that in any closer interaction, such as going to the cash register, asking a sales clerk for assistance, etc., I am very quickly read. But you know what? I’ve not had a single disrespectful or unpleasant interaction in the two months!!”

“I think it’s true that people are becoming more accepting,” I interjected, “that, plus stores are training their clerks to not discriminate against us ‘minorities.’ They live in fear of lawsuits.”

“That may be but a few weeks ago I decided to go to my family doctor appointment as Donna. Remember I’d disclosed that I was transgendered to her on my previous visit. She has a crusty, “rough around the edges” receptionist/office manager, and I was somewhat concerned about this employee’s reaction and/or comments. Well, she didn’t bat an eye! Pleasantly asked for my health card, processed it while making small talk with me, and again, pleasantly said that the wait wouldn’t be long. What a happy surprise!”

“You go girl! But, what about your sports? Aren’t you usually spending your weekends at Collingwood?” I said referring to the popular ski area north of Toronto.

“Another good example. Around mid-February, I was out skiing, and felt I should change the photo on my season’s pass (photo was in male-mode), whereas I now ski en femme. So I went to the counter, and explained to the attendant (with a twinkle in my eye) that I had “changed” quite a bit, since the photo had been taken. She looked at my photo, shrugged her shoulders and said, nicely, to not worry about it, but that she would take a new photo for my next pass. We took the photo, she smiled a genuine smile, and thanked me for coming over to update this information. I couldn’t have asked for a better experience.”

As Donna was relaying her experiences Joanne and Karen arrived. We ordered another bottle of wine. As each was anxious to tell of their experiences en femme I sat back to listen.

Karen joined in “Well this week I had my dentist visit. I arrived with about 10 minutes to spare. The receptionist greeted me with a smile and said `Hi. You look good, very good` and indicated that I should go to the waiting room, which I did. There were several other customers there waiting, but none of them paid any attention to me when I sat down. An elderly lady was playing with some kind of game, which she put down after a while and said to me that it was harder than it looked. I smiled and grunted something. Then they came to get me, calling for Karen.  The hygienists told me that she had served a couple of others like me when she was in Toronto, but I was the first in Guelph. We chatted about her probable upcoming vacation, and that she was anxious to get out on her Harley Davidson Fat Cat. We were talking like friends. It was a normal day. Then I made another appointment, bought some groceries and came home. Really a non-event.”

“No kidding,” said Joanne, “I spent last weekend totally in Joanne mode from Friday evening til Monday evening. I had a manicure and pedicure on Saturday so when Monday came along I really didn’t want to waste the nails by going back to guy mode. So I decided to go to my physiotherapy appointment en femme. So I am up early Monday morning to get ready. I arrived at the physiotherapists and walked up to the receptionist. I told her I was going to be her most interesting patient today and asked her to tell Erica that Joanne was here for her 10:20 am appointment. Moments later Erica comes out and sees me. I said, “Hi, I am Joanne. I am here for my 10:20 am appointment”. She said, “But I have a 10:20 appointment with Paul”. I said, “That’s right”. She said, “But I am supposed to see Paul”. I said, “That’s me”. Then it all clicked in and we did a little explanation about TG things. We kept on talking all through my appointment. She was really cool about it. As she got a little more comfortable she started asking questions. She introduced me to another staff member around the exercise equipment where other patients could hear. Before long everyone in the place knew about me. On the way out I stopped at the reception desk and talked to two girls there for a while. Everything was really cool. I can’t wait for next week’s appointment to see what they have to say. Everyone’s reaction was really positive. I am still amazed how often we get these positive reactions.”

“I guess she wasn’t working on any rib cage adjustments?” I quipped but the others ignored me.

We chatted a bit about apparent changing attitudes in the public.. As the ‘older lady’ I got to impart some advice to my friends. I agreed that it was certainly easier than in past decades “but you girls had as few very important things going for you.

“First, you dress to fit in with your surroundings. You were not dressing like drag queens to go to the mall. None of you are hard on the eyes and that helps, too

“Second, whether presenting as a male or female you were all ‘nice people’, easy going and easy to deal with.

“Third and also very important you were not out to shove your transgender status down anyone’s throat. You had in your own ways laid the ground work to make sure your doctor, dentist and physiotherapist had not been taken by surprise.”

The other two girls looked at Joanne.

“Well perhaps not the physiotherapist but you know what I mean.”

The skaters continued their circuits on the rink below. We four girls continued to chat through the evening and through another bottle of wine. Nothing could have seemed more natural.

Donna summed it up best, “The lesson I am drawing from all of this? On those occasions when I don’t feel as confident, I remind myself that we often are our own worst enemy, when we let our fears stop us from living the life we really want to live.”

Amen to that.

Footnote: Donna, Joanne and Karen are real, their experiences are real. Their names and locations have been changed to protect the innocent. The dialogue is a ‘dramatic re-creation’.  Linda is only too real!

Category: Transgender Body & Soul, Transgender Fun & Entertainment