Letter to the Child

From time to time, I see people ask a question something like this: If you could say something to your ten-year-old self, what would you say?

If I could send a letter to my ten-year-old self in 1969, it might read like this:

Dear Claire,

Don’t be scared. Don’t be startled because I called you Claire. Right now you think you are the only person in the world who knows that you’re really a girl, and that your real name is Claire. Well, that’s true now, but one day, the whole world will know. The reason I know now is because I am you, at age 61, and I am sending this letter from more than 50 years in the future.

I wish I could do more than send this letter. I wish I could be with you right now to hug you and tell you that in the end, everything is going to be alright, because it is. You may feel like a scared little boy, but that’s just how the world sees you. Inside of you is an incredibly brave little girl. She’s strong and she’s patient and she will never stop believing in you and telling you that you deserve to let the rest of the world meet her and for you to become her.

I wish I could tap into your memories in some detail. From the future, I remember feeling different from at least the time I was five and realized I didn’t fit in with the boys and all and while I felt closer to the girls in Kindergarten, I wasn’t accepted as one of them either. I’m pretty sure by the time you’re getting this letter, you’re going to bed every night praying you wake up as a girl, even though you know God is not a wish granting fairy in the sky.

Things are tough right now, but they will get better. Grade school is going to continue to stink, but in high school and college your talents will start to shine, people outside of your family will start to appreciate you, and life will be better. The longing to live as your true self, though, will never go away, as hard as you often try to ignore it.

For many years, you’re going to tell yourself that living your true self is impossible, and you’ll have a long list of reasons why. Many of those reasons will be legitimate, though others will be based on your own fear. I don’t want you to give up hope or give up on yourself because one day, all the doors that you think are bolted and locked forever are going to start flying open, and it’s going to happen so fast you won’t believe it.

You’re always hopeful, but you’ll be kinda nervous when the time comes. Well, guess what? It’s going to be great. . .great beyond your wildest dreams.

Until then, stay strong, and know that I love you.

Claire

Tags: featured, Identity, Transgender

Category: Transgender Body & Soul