Kimberly Pauses to Reflect
How to move forward with life, from this vantage point?
Years ago, a relative suggested I could dress as a woman in private if I wished, but I should promise not to do so in public. I had already been going out in public as a female for about three years at that juncture, and I promptly rejected the notion that I would or could hide myself away from the world. And yet I have not fully transitioned either. A good friend refers to this in between state as the middle path, whereby family and friends are preserved but on the other hand we are not truly being ourselves, because our true self is a woman.
Another friend who fully transitioned several years back (and is delighted with her decision to do so) shared that while living as a guy, she felt like an actor in a play. And so it is with me. Is it better to fully transition, with the accompanying hardships, or hold back, knowing we are still keeping ourselves from fully blossoming? Each trans person has to make that highly personal choice for herself or himself, but it’s clear things have evolved quickly for the better in American society in a relatively short period of time.
At times I go out and received some of the loveliest unsolicited feedback from strangers, both male and female. One older guy said “I am not sure what you are trying to do, but you look pretty good.” I was amused at how he put that.
Another woman I see from time to time consistently compliments my choice of footwear and outfits.
Still, the special problems remain. We didn’t choose this, and each of us has to deal with it in our own way. For the time being, I take solace in what one woman told me not so long ago: “Kim, when you dress up, you look like a woman.” That simple statement sums up where I am right now. And maybe I shouldn’t think too much or struggle too much, but instead just enjoy life day by day.
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Category: Transgender Body & Soul
About the Author (Author Profile)
My name is Kim, and I'm a non-op transsexual. I love to correspond with others who have an interest in feminine beauty, gender illusion, and related subjects. My goal is to look like the genetic girls in the J. Jill or Sundance catalogs, so I keep myself as realistically feminine as possible. I go out as Kim very often and delight in being a woman, with all that it entails! My height is about 5-7 and I weigh about 145 lb. For as long as I can remember, I've wanted to be a female, and that desire is intense. Given that fact, I'm a TS rather than a CD/TV. In general, I am more of a daytime mall chick rather than a nighttime party girl. Other interests: I'm like the Energizer Bunny with regard to exercise!Subscribe
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