I was cleaning out some old computer files…

When I glanced at the date of this picture. Nearly two years ago. I had just moved to the Cincinnati area, and spent my day off with a friend taking some pictures with the city skyline in the background.

There were other plans: I wanted to visit Cincinnati’s Zoo. And go to a Reds game. And Fountain Square. Take in a movie. Go shopping. All en femme.

All those things a lot of us crossdressers dream of.

Now, it’s two years later, and I haven’t done any of them. Oh sure, there are extenuating circumstances: my wife is unemployed, the neighbors all know who I am and where I work, my weight see-saws up and down, I’m scared of getting caught. But the sad truth of it is, I haven’t made the effort.

It depresses me a little. But, I guess if I really wanted to, I’d go.

But I don’t go, so I must not really want it.

Getting out is not about the pictures, even though it may appear that way. (120 photos in an hour?!) It’s about the experience. Photographs may document an occassion, but it’s the occassion that defines each one of us.

You might say “we are what we do”. If one conquers their fears, goes out that front door and mingles with the public, then that person is definitely alive. If one puts things off, makes excuses and generally doesn’t make much of an attempt to reach their goals, that person is a lazy sack of… I am, anyway.

And that’s why I’m depressed. Not that I’m not getting out, not that I’m not getting new photos in fabulous locations, (Cincinnati is fabulous? You bet your 3-way!) but because I’m not living up to my potential, not meeting my goals.

Category: All TGForum Posts, Transgender Opinion