Crossdresser Memories #3

[Chapter 1] [Chapter 2] [Chapter 3] [Chapter 4]

Purged again — graduating the University of Pennsylvania’s Wharton School I headed back home to Larchmont. Without a clue what I was going to do future-wise, my closet full of goodies had to go. At that time my father was counsel to a motion picture company planning to produce a movie at the Churubusco Studios just outside of Mexico City. I jumped at his suggestion to become his eyes and ears down there. Won’t burden the reader with details of those few months or my next stop at the Goldwyn Studios in Hollywood (Being a voyeur of the Stars is chronicled in my memoir.).

I did stay with my second cousins a few blocks from the Sunset Strip. My CD urges had been submerged for many months until now. Their household comprised of mother, a son and daughter — husband, separated, was living in New York. While the family was at work during the day and I, alone for hours, the temptation to check the contents of their bedroom drawers was more than I could resist. Maybe sadly, or perhaps for the better, the sizes of their underwear and dresses ? both mother and daughter’s — were far too small though my waist was a 34 at the time. Oh well, would have to wait.

Bank finances for the picture were delayed and I was out of a job. Before heading back East I did hitchhike from Los Angeles to the beaches in Carmel and back again — an awesome trip like no other along the ocean shores. Finally returned home to find employment at Columbia Pictures in the Big Apple. Fast forward a year later to join my uncle in Montreal where I spent months sleeping on the couch in his apartment before I could afford my own apartment.

The apartment I sub rented belonged to a Hungarian gal and that’s where my sexual adventures went into high gear — submerged since college. Her parent’s large land-holdings were seized by the Communists and Georgie was set adrift ? eventually landing in Canada. Wasn’t until years later did I wonder where she had picked up her amazing skills for sex play, but bringing me to four orgasms in one night was a new experience! During this time I was again accumulating a room full of lingerie and clothes and that was a paradox answered. Despite my very active sexual activities my crossdressing had not diminished! Have read the opinions of some CDs that marriage or a very compatible partner would result in being able to turn away from one’s CD impulses — doesn’t happen!

The reasons why I finally broke up with Georgie was really a window to my soul, or at least, to my mental state, my emotional wall. She had indeed penetrated the shell, my armor shielding me from feelings of love and compassion for another person ? I couldn’t handle the intrusion without a defensive reaction. Was it due to a cold relationship with my mother or perhaps my early abhorrence to my crossdressing? Maybe that is the reason I later chalked up fifty-two years of marriage as “loveless”? I had become an emotional cripple.

Quit my uncle’s business when I realized that the promised partnership would never come to fruition to join the largest home improvement chain in Canada. My goal was to develop their wholesale business and to that end I was driving extensively. The magnitude of my loneliness was reflected by counting the heads in cars I would pass — how many couples versus lone drivers? Time to get married — that should cure my malaise.

Learn more about her book and read her extensive blog on Julie’s website.

Tags: crossdressing, featured

Category: Transgender Body & Soul