To Gender or Not to Gender? That is the Question

| Nov 20, 2017

From time to time, we all need to take a moment and think about ourselves. I like to imagine life as a long Q&A with myself. I’m slowly learning more about myself. Every time I learn something about myself, I imagine it as a star. Sometimes, the stars will connect and form constellations. I’ve recently made a constellation, so I thought I’d share it. So here goes nothing. . . .

I am agender. I have chosen to use this word to describe myself and my gender identity. Agender is a non-binary gender identity that means having a lack of gender. I like this term because it balances a non-binary identity with a heavy hatred of the social construct that is gender. In other words, I feel like I don’t have nor need a gender. I feel this way because 1. I hate gender roles and the boxes that the societal construct of gender forces us into (and yes, I realize that agender is technically a box, but it is the least boxy box there is). 2. I feel a lack of connection with the idea of gender, and 3. This one finally feels right. So, let’s break this down.

Number One: I hate gender roles. Ever since I was little, I have hated the fact that there are boy things and girls things. I loved the color pink when I was five or so, but I never told anyone. I felt scared to admit the fact that I liked a girl thing. This affected more than just colors too. The pink ranger was always my favorite Power Ranger, but every Halloween I wouldn’t even think about being the pink ranger. Instead, I was the red ranger, and in the following years I was the white ranger and the blue ranger. I could only be one of the boy colors. When I was in first grade, my family went to Disney World, and I got to meet the Power Rangers (or rather people in Power Ranger costumes). It took a lot of courage for me, but I do remember giving the pink ranger a drawing I made of her. The fact that it took courage to do that speaks volumes about how toxic gender roles are to children.

Number Two: I do not feel connected to a certain gender. This means that I don’t ever feel like I belong in one box or the other. I’m never comfortable going into a public bathroom. When I have to choose, I don’t know what to do. I am not male and I am not female. I’m not something in between either. I am something that doesn’t exist, hence the a- prefix. This is something that has taken me awhile to fully understand, but I do get it now. I don’t have a gender.

Number Three: this one finally feels right. I have spent a long time looking for a label. I believe that labels can be useful in terms of not feeling alone. Having a label has always helped me realize that other people feel the same way I do. But I’ve recently given up on a gender label, which in some twisted line of logic led me to this label. Being agender is almost like being a-label. There is no specific presentation connected with it; I can do and wear whatever I want. There are no preconceived notions of what I will be with this label. I am just me.

Okay, so to recap: I am agender. This means that I do not identify with a gender. I hate gender roles. I do not like public bathrooms. This label feels right to me. And finally, sometimes to figure things out, you have to stop looking,

Blessed Be,


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Category: Body & Soul, Opinion

About the Author ()

M is an 18-year-old agender person who lives in Pennsylvania. They about to enter senior year of high school. Their preferred pronouns are they/them. Their favorite things are music, poetry, and dogs. M is an aspiring writer, activist, and psychologist. They look forward to being a part of the TG Forum community, and would love to share their perspective of the world.

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