The Occasional Woman — Fall Fashion

Dear Readerettes,
Hello again, and welcome to — fall. Or autumn, or whatever you care to call it. As there is a new season in play, new fashions are a good way to welcome it! I have done my due diligence on this, which means that I read the latest “FALL” issue of Vogue magazine, while in the doctor’s office waiting room. And I took NOTES! Okay, the notes are on a paper plate, but hey — I wrote them!
Here’s what I determined are the predictions for our sartorial array this season, according to the venerable magazine:

Color block dress.

1. The Vogue fashions this year are exactly the same as they were in 1966. This includes Courreges color-blocked dresses, silver space blankets, and plaid suits.
2. We are urged to don CORDUROY.
3. Blouses and dresses are again encouraged to slide off of our shoulders and perch on our upper arms.
4. A deep, cardinal red is the hot color for fall, as is silver for evening.
5. The alternate hot color is . . . mustard-yellow.
6. Denim is to have a darker hue — just throw out the acid and light-wash denim clothing you own.
7. Jumpsuits — still a thing.
8. Dark and “moody” floral prints are to be utilized freely.
Okay, there you go. But let’s get serious — how does this list of musts actually affect you? Or me? Let’s take it step-by-step.
1. It is actually 2017, soon to be 2018 — all that 1960s crap is still kinda cute, especially for a costume party. But boy howdy, wearing this look out in public is best suited to the young ones among us, and the skinny minnies — just like it was back then. A white, color-blocked dress on a bigger girl just looks like a road map, unless you look like RuPaul. If you have the ovaries and white boots and wig, and are over 6’8″ tall, you do you. If not, I would suggest adapting the shape of the dress (a simple shift) and adding boots. Plaid suits — I must suggest the smaller plaids. You are not a sofa, or a dog bed. Don’t dress like one. I’m not even going to address the silver space blanket deal. Life is just too short for that sort of foolishness.

Wide wale corduroy.

2. Corduroy. I love it, it is warm and often soft. It also is known for adding bulk to the figure. it is a thick fabric, and can add pounds to your appearance. Here’s the trick with corduroy — it comes in several formations, known as “wales.” Think of corduroy fabric as a towel — it is flat and thick, and is then “carved” into parallel lines, forming what are called wales. Wide-wale is thick rows, like a cornfield — this is the thickest and clumpiest wale. The thinnest is small-wale,sometimes called Pin-wale, and just looks luxurious. I gotta recommend pin-wale.

3. This off-the shoulder look is perhaps best suited to human being with small shoulders. Otherwise, this top plays up bigger, line-backer-esque shoulders and upper arms. It says “Hey! Looka my big damn shoulders!” If this is fine with you, then, go ahead — just factor in that it may not be the most flattering look out there.

Red!

4. Aaaah, bright colors! Cardinal red is gorgeous, and there is so much variety in reds that there is some great color for almost every complexion and personality. Go shopping with some friend who has taste, good vision and tact, and try on, or even just hold up different red hues to your face. Some reds tend to “out-shout” paler complexions, so that the color is wearing you, and not the other way around. Avoid those. Also, some ruddy reds can just make one look muddy, not ruddy. There are blue and pink undertones in most reds too, so do try to audition the hues before buying. I love red, but it doesn’t always love me, so I often go for red accents instead of big red sweaters and such.

5. The alternate color that the magazines are pushing these days is . . . mustard-yellow. Be very wary of this color. I personally look like six dead people in mustard-yellow. If I am obtuse enough to wear it, people usually ask me if I’m okay, or need an ambulance, or some oxygen. No, I just need to not wear yellow! Only about 376 light-colored Caucasians in the United States can wear this color; it is the polar opposite of White Privilege. I don’t know any more delicate way to say it.

6. The dark-wash denim thing. Okay, dark denim does look better on most of humanity; it hides more figure imperfections, does that “dark colors are slimming” job, and hides more spills of red wine. It can also rub off on lighter fabrics, like chair seats — always wash it before you wear it. But don’t throw out the lighter stuff yet — it will come back some time. Go ahead and 86 the acid-wash, though.

7. Jumpsuits. Well, here’s an issue into which I can sink my teeth! First of all, you have got to take the whole thing off to pee, or just don’t drink anything. Too much work, in my opinion. Second — if, by some chance, you began life as a gentleman, your torso is usually 2” or more longer than that of a genetic female — so, that cute romper or jumpsuit will be great until you must lean over, raise your arms, rotate your upper half or wave at somebody. then — ouch! IT’S TOO SHORT THROUGH THE TORSO! And it has crawled up your butt! A jumpsuit can be a tricky garment — please try it on first, then leap around and wave your hands in the air, and check your tush. Did everything stay where it should be? Do you love it? Then get it.

A moody floral print dress.

8. Dark “moody” floral prints — as opposed to, what, dark angry prints? I think this one, though awkwardly phrased, is a good one. Much as I adore a vibrant Hawaiian print, it does look out of place in this more somber season. A beautiful deep purple floral, a strong red (see #4) with gold, purple and green accents, a sumptuous mahogany tweed, all of these say autumn and changing leaves. Remember to check the strength of your coloring vs. the loudness of the fabric —l et’s not be out-shouted by our raiment.

So, clothing should be fun, unless there’s a funeral to consider, and it should showcase you! It needs to fit well, complement the season and your complexion, and also be comfortable. And for the love of whatever deity you choose, put those damn white shoes away.

If you’re interested in custom made clothing or a fab Halloween costume contact Lorraine via email.
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Tags: crossdressing, featured, opinion, style

Category: Style, Transgender Fashion