Suzzie Steps Out

| Jul 16, 2018
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Older actress Jane Fonda.

It has been my observation that the older actresses who are still looking good and working are the ones that never got out of the business.

Speaking from experience. It seems it is the same with crossdressing. Well, it would be wouldn’t it? As the crossdresser (M2F) must be an accomplished actress to pull off the illusion with any degree of success.

What do I mean by success? That of course is in the eye of the beholder. It can range from living full-time as a woman to strapping on a 44DD bra filled with water balloons and some fancy panties.

I started borrowing some of Mom’s underwear when I was eight years old. I then steadily wore more and more feminine things. I even progressed through the H2O44DD stage. I did, however, move along from this plateau rather quickly. Perhaps sink hole would better describe that step along the way. Hey, it’s a learning experience.

When I was ten or eleven years-old times were tough. One year for Christmas I got a pair of high-top shoes. I am sure I would have preferred high-heel shoes, but I could not get a message to Santa from the closet. These high tops were heavy shoes that went to mid or high calf. The right shoe had a pocket on the side for a knife. I did not get or have a knife for it. So, the first order of business in my new shoes was to make a knife for the knife pocket. This is called improvising. It was a skill I learned during World War II. There was a shortage of everything, and everybody improvised on the home front as well as on the war front. My knife wasn’t anywhere near as good as Davy Crockett’s. However, it would do, if I didn’t have to kill a bar…

In the seventies when I was getting serious about crossdressing and started going out in drag I got read and laughed at a lot. It became adamantly clear this stage of my life wasn’t going very well. At this time, I was also an engineer and a pretty good analytical thinker. I concluded I was long past the sexual gratification aspect of crossdressing. It now was just something that I very much enjoyed doing. It had become more of a challenge and a hobby than anything else. Looking at myself in a full-length mirror dressed in my feminine gear was a formidable challenge for sure. To start with my average male body is way different from the average female body. Mine is much wider. In fact, a whole face wider. The distance from the side of a female’s face to her shoulder is one-half the width of her face. The male’s distance is a full-face width. The average male is taller than the average female. And of course, fat accumulates differently in each of the bodies. Not to mention body and facial hair on males in excessive amounts. Then add in the big hands, big ears, and other facial features — on and on it goes. I didn’t see how anybody except those born females could truly pass. I finally figured out even some of them don’t. So what chance do we born males have? None was my view. Of course, there are exceptions. And all things are possible. Especially now with the aid of chemicals and surgery. However, for the average Joe being a Jane is problematic. Being an average Joe I concluded about all I could do was create the illusion of a female. This was not exactly like the knife thing but similar. I never tried to pass that wooden home-made knife off as a real one. However, in my shoe knife pocket it blended in and no one paid much attention to it, if I didn’t. I thought perhaps I could do the same thing with my female illusion. Just create a resemblance to a woman, not try to pass her off as real and not bring any unwarranted attention to her.

In time with a lot of work, effort, and honest evaluation, I developed into a classy middle-aged actress. I had fine clothes, shoes, three wigs that always were professionally styled, manicured nails (finger and toes), flawless makeup (lessons from a professional salon). I practiced walking and sitting — the whole nine yards. Suzzie traveled with her male other half for thirty years.

As a woman all Suzzie ever was and still is, is a fake, just like my wooden knife. I do prefer the word illusion for a human impersonation. I have never tried to pass Suzzie off as anything other than an illusion. However, I take great pride in the illusion and am always trying to perfect it. This takes a lot of resources and hard work. Even well into my eighties I seem to be like all the other old working actresses.

I never left the game and I make the commitment and go the extra mile before Suzzie Steps Out.

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Category: Transgender Body & Soul


About the Author ()

Suzzie has been crossdressing for 71 years. Her first 23 years were in the deep closet. She has been out of the deep closet for 48 years. However, living square in the middle of the “Bible Belt” she still has to get behind the closet door from time to time. And age 83 has certainly curtailed her dressing somewhat. Suzzie has been retired for 18 years. Before retirement, she was a veteran, husband, father, pilot, engineer, and a CEO. After retirement, she has been busy becoming a published author. She is currently finishing her third novel.

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  1. Graham Graham says:

    “I have never tried to pass Suzzie off as anything other than an illusion.”

    I don’t understand your argument. Since a crossdresser can’t ever become a real woman, passing as one IS simply an illusion – one created by cosmetics and various accoutrements like wgs, clothes, and padding. As you said at the start of the article, “it’s in the eye of the beholder” – how can it be anything other than an illusion?