Metamorphosis Chapter 20

[Chapter 1] [Chapter 2] [Chapter 3] [Chapter 4] [Chapter 5] [Chapter 6] [Chapter 7] [Chapter 8] [Chapter 9] [Chapter 10] [Chapter 11] [Chapter 12][Chapter 13][Chapter 14][Chapter 15][Chapter 16][Chapter 17][Chapter 18][Chapter 19][Chapter 20]

A few years before I began my transition, I listened to feminization hypnosis while driving to work. It kept me sane during some of the darkest hours in life. During those brief therapeutic moments, I had become a woman. The hypno relieved my body dysmorphia and gender dysphoria. Fear drove me into emotional hibernation.

Fear was the driving factor for my reluctance to transition. Worrying about what other people would think, especially my family, forced me back into a safe place. A little cove in my mind where dreams lingered on for miles and realities were impossible to reach. I wasn’t alone… Within this shelter, guilt, shame, embarrassment, and doubt kept me company.

Sometimes I would drink wine to lower my inhibitions enough to put on some lipstick, or even paint my nails just to turn around and take it off before I left the house. ? Those hypnotic tracks eventually helped me move forward towards ultimate happiness. But… Who is truly happy through and through?

There were many hypno MP3’s available on the internet. Most of them were centered on ‘sissification.’ This was a fancy way of saying the hypno would turn a man into a woman against his will. As if transgender people fetishize about such things. These are real issues and those types of files send the wrong messages to the outside world. I wanted to look like I felt, period. I found no pleasure inside of my depression.

After months of weeding out the crap, I found one audio file that called to my inner woman from the moment I listened to it. I don’t even recall the keywords I used to search it out on Google. I loved it so much I bookmarked it and never thought about where I found it until now. Some thirty pages away from the original search terms, it waited for me to discover it.

What can I say? I was meticulous in my search for a positive message!

The file began with a countdown to induce relaxation, and release anxious, intrusive thoughts. It was so much more effective when I could enjoy it in my bed.

“Five. Breathe in and out, taking deep soothing breaths as you make yourself comfortable. Four. You’re releasing your inhibitions, for they hold no merit here and should not be allowed in this safe environment we’ve created. Good, now you’re feeling even more relaxed. Three. Your stress is leaving your mind. Feel it as it drifts out from your fingers and toes in a void, never to return again. It’s gone and your whole body feels as if you’re laying upon a cloud. Two. You are entering a safe place where your mind and subconscious can speak to each other freely and openly about how you feel. One. You walk down a set of stairs, they are covered with plush carpet in your favorite color. When you reach the bottom of the stairs, you turn and now find yourself in front of a mirror, completely relaxed and free.”

I loved that part. Just knowing I was in a safe place to be myself, even for only a few minutes was liberating. The MP3 continued,

“You gaze into the mirror and see yourself, finally, as you truly are — a beautiful, sensual, lovely woman. You are perfect in every way and you always were. What you see in the mirror is your subconscious mind’s vision of you. You must be pleased to see her, at last. How exciting it must be to finally meet her. She is you and you are her. Remember that.”

The reflection on the calm surface of the lake was the same person I saw in that mirror, the real me. Raquel. Beautiful…

“Think about how good it feels in this place allowing yourself to breathe freely and relax. Do you feel that warm sensation in your body? That is the wave of happiness splashing over your soul, cleansing the sadness out of your mind and heart. What do you see in the mirror? It is you, and you are as beautiful as ever because you see yourself, not the person others see. You are a star in your own galaxy. You are a woman and always were. I will begin to count up to five and you will awaken and feel more alive and happy than you ever have before.”

As she counted there was something important within her words, something relevant. I remember…

“One. You still see your reflection in the mirror and you smile at yourself feeling free and relaxed. Two. You can feel your subconscious mind and your body talk to each other aligning themselves with how you feel. They reach agreement and you’re no longer afraid. Three. You feel a rush of energy enter your body and all the fear, anxiety, and disappointment disappear with it. Two. The positive energy rushes from your feet to your head and you feel tingling, elation over every square inch of your skin. One. You are awake. The energy bursts outward like a supernova and the light is shining inside of you wiping away the darkness and despair. You are the light. You have the light. Use it to shine your soul upon those who

may not understand, so they may see your true beauty. You are now who you were meant to be. Who are you?”

“I am Raquel,” I would always say afterwards.

Guug took his last step forward as his ankle gives in and he crashes to the ground. He moans in agony, and my eyes gloss over as those red glowing eyes surround us. The wolves snarl and hiss as they creep towards us.

“You leave, girl. You must live,” Guug yells.

“No. I am Raquel,” I say. The strength has always been there I just didn’t know how to channel it and perhaps I still don’t but I’m not allowing those wolves to slaughter Guug. I will no longer run.

“Goooooooo!”

“No! I’ll think of something. I hope.” My hands shake and I have trouble believing there is anything I can do short of throwing my body in front of Guug so I don’t have to watch him die. Then he gets to watch me die? That makes no sense,

Raquel!

“Come on, bastards! Let’s do this!” I howl at the wolves, ready for the fight of my life.

To be continued…

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Category: Fiction, Transgender Fun & Entertainment