Mary Backs ‘Out’

Not too many months ago I told you about a lifelong crossdresser, now a widower, who spends winters in Florida living full-time as Mary. Her Florida neighbors did not know Martin, his male identity and her family up north did not know of Mary. When family came to visit, Mary/Martin would claim truthfully that her/his home was too small and her community too boring for them. He/she would rent a home in the Orlando area for their visit. That suited everyone just fine.

Mary was able to live the good life of a snowbird widow from late October to mid-April. She was a popular bridge and golf partner. The single ladies liked her sense of humor and the married ones appreciated that she showed no interest in their husbands. However Mary told me that some of the husbands occasionally showed an interest in her. She didn’t lack for dance partners at the monthly social nor did she lack for men claiming their willingness to drop by to help with chores.

I last told you about Mary and her grandson Jason who turned out to also have an interest in self-feminization.

Let me tell you a bit more about Mary because she and another lady I met recently seem to be a new and growing trend in the TG spectrum. For a long time I have believed that spectrum consisted simply of transvestites who have a fetishistic desire to wear women’s clothing, primarily lingerie. There are also crossdressers who dress to appear as feminine as possible but do so only when the opportunity presents. Then there are transsexuals, those desiring to live as the opposite gender full time. In my thinking at the time the transsexuals divided in to those that were pre-op and those that were post op. That was it – I thought. However thanks to meeting Mary and another friend I see there is a middle option between crossdresser and transsexual. That is the person who lives full time in the opposite gender while retaining her original genitalia. I don’t know if there is a name for it but ‘MTF opted 4 non-op TS’ might cover it for Mary.

For her seven months each year in Florida Mary is Mary. She still has Martin’s neat little package tucked between her legs. She pads out her bras with very convincing breast forms but that is not unusual among the post-mastectomy crowd in her community. She never shows any sign of facial hair but I frankly don’t know whether or not she underwent any cosmetic beard removal. We have compared notes about waxing our legs and what little body hair we each have left. We both are addicted to the process.

For several years now Martin has packed up his car, said good bye to northern family and friends and three days later Mary arrives at her home in an upscale retirement community in west central Florida. “I could make the trip in two days but there are a lot of outlet malls along the way,” says Mary, “My car just can’t get past those malls without stopping.”

No one in her retirement community has ever questioned Mary about her seeming lack of interest in getting in to a serious relationship with anyone or her reluctance to go swimming. They loved her for her friendliness and willingness to help out and lend an ear to those with a problem. She also had a reputation for her immaculate make up and fashion sense.

I hadn’t seen Mary for a while after she told me about Jason/Jazzy so when I finally had a chance to see her I was anxious for an update. “He tells me he is laying low, getting on with his life but he is hoping for a return visit sometime soon. It seems he also likes the idea of spending his Florida time en femme.”

“Even after skipping a generation the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree,” I kidded. “Are you going to out yourself to him?” I asked.

“I may not have to. My cover has been blown down in ‘Paradise’.”

“What? How did that happen?” Her statement shocked me. She was so careful and she was so good at playing Mary. “Did your wig snag in a tree? Did you swing too hard and lose a boob on the golf course?” I said recalling some of the more amusing incidents that had happened to friends of ours.

“Well, you might say I backed in to it.”

“How so? Did someone walk in on you unexpectedly?”

“No, I literally backed in to it. I was pulling out of my parking spot at the Publix (grocery store) when my attention was distracted and I failed to see that a car had moved down the lane and stopped behind me. I crunched the passenger door really well.”

“Did you know the other driver?”

“No, but I knew the couple in the back seat. The driver was their visitor and he had a rental car. If it had been their own car I would have written a cheque or got cash for them right away but with a rental car there was a whole lot of police reporting to do. A police officer was on the scene in no time at all and then came another police official to take a report. We all took photos of the damage. My car wasn’t damaged at all but that door had a big, really big, dent in it.

“I’m still not getting where the problem for Mary was. Were you under the influence?”

“No, nothing like that,” she said, “You must have never been in a fender bender then.”

“No I haven’t.”

“There has to be a report and the drivers have to exchange their license, registration and insurance information.”

“Yes?”

“Well, my information is not exactly in Mary’s name.”

“OHHHHH!!”

“There was no problem for the officer that the registration and insurance certificate were in a male name but when she looked at my license she said, ‘is this your husband’s license?’

“No, it’s mine. I haven’t had it officially changed yet,” Mary recounted, an inferred reference to a gender reassignment in progress. “After that she was cool about it and went about filling out the reports while we parked there, our vehicles blocking other traffic in the lane. The others were anxious to get going but the officer took her time. Frankly I was sweating pretty badly, partly from the heat but mostly about what would happen when the information report was completed and the others realized the true identity of this driver. The others noticed my sweating and asked what was wrong. ‘Just my hormones playing tricks,’ I said. The ladies nodded their heads in agreement.”

“How did they react when they found the other driver was named Martin?”

“Initially there was no reaction. As I said they were anxious to leave so I don’t think they read the report too carefully. However, I soon started to get people asking if I had been in an accident and who was this Martin person. I tried to shrug it off but it was obvious that I was becoming the talk of the town and inquiring minds wanted to know. Then a few things happened that were a bit disturbing, invitations being withdrawn, golf games cancelled and fewer and shorter casual chats on the street.”

“That must have been pretty disturbing,” I sympathized, “What did you do?”

“I decided to confront the gossip head on. I rented the banquet hall at the golf club and invited everyone I knew, at least everyone on the community e-mail list to come to a reception. Then I prepared a Power Point presentation to explain my life. I didn’t go in to many details or show photos of my early life but used stock photos to help explain what it was like to be a young male who wanted to be a female. I leaned heavily on examples from the past that they might have remembered like Christine Jorgenson and Renee Richards and how I related closer to Marilyn Monroe than Vaughn Monroe.”

Artist’s rendering of Mary’s presentation.

“Who?”

She ignored me and continued, “I explained how responsibility to my marriage and my children kept me from pursuing the identity I wished to have. Now that I was sadly freed of that spousal responsibility I explained why for me my life had to take this turn. You know the story.”

“How did they take it?”

“I wound up the presentation with a collage of photos showing the good times we had all had together in the past few years. I let the photos illustrate how we had been great friends when they didn’t know about my past and how they allowed me to live the life I now enjoy. I let the photos ask the question why that should change just because they know a little more about my full identity. In the end there was a pretty good round of applause and some jokes from one of the men how he now understood how I was able to withstand his advances and then he added, ‘thank you for that.’ That got the best laugh.

“And now?”

“That evening pretty well broke the ice for Mary coming back in to ‘their society.’ Some professed that they would have preferred that I had told them up front but I’m not sure. Their first impression would have been different and that would have affected everything going forward, I’m sure. For now, everything seems back to normal.”

“And your family back home: how did they take the news?”

“Let’s just say ‘what happens in Paradise stays in Paradise.’ But I will consider what to tell them when I head up north in April. Now that it is out in the open in Paradise I can say I feel a lot of relief and comfort. I am not sure I’ll be able to put this bi-gender life away when I go up home.”

“So when can you send me the slide show?” I asked. I was thinking of uploading it to TGForum.

“Well that isn’t going to happen,” she said. “No disrespect meant but you would probably send it to TGForum and soon it would be going viral. We decided that evening that we did not want that kind of attention brought on ourselves. We have a quiet little back road community and we like it that way.”

Mary paused then concluded with a poignant observation, “I am a woman on the outside. I feel like a woman. I think and present like a woman. It is no one’s business what I have between my legs.”

“I’ll drink to that.”

Do you think Mary handled coming out well? Should she have told her retirement community up front? Leave you comments in the comment area below. You must be logged in to comment.

Tags: crossdressing, featured, Identity, Jazzy, Mary/Martin, Transgender

Category: Transgender Body & Soul, Transgender Fun & Entertainment