Just what do I call you? Or you call me?

| Sep 18, 2017

I’m confused.

And if I, a T person who has been involved with all matters T for many years than I care to recall, am confused, what hope is there for the general public not to be confused?

I write for four or five newsletters, magazines and e-zines about T matters; regularly listen to the radio and/or watch videos about the trials and tribulations of us gender gifted/blessed people, as well as observe with awe the amazing progress which the T community has been making over the last 5 or so years. I also make sure, as far as I can, that I am at least aware of developments in terminology being used within the community.

I know all about, as well as respect, people’s choices to be referred to by pronouns of their choice (they, them, it); or of others who wish to be referred to as non-binary (NB’s or Enbees); or of those who have gender affirmation surgery and were previously identifying as male but are now presenting as female and yet still prefer females as their sexual partners (trans-lesbians); or people who are gender fluid, gender queer or gender non-confirming. . . and so on. . . .

Yet, from what I can see the general public is getting more and more confused about these new types of people seemingly, suddenly appearing in features in their magazines or in news items in their newspapers, or on their other than scandalous TV shows and documentaries. Of course, most of us in the T community have some idea about the new terminology in use. However, spare a thought or two for Mr. or Miss Average. They are perplexed and I can understand why.

Indeed, in some ways asking the general population is grasp the nuances of being T is akin to asking us T’s to understand terminology in use in nuclear physics or about how to write commercial code for computer programs (unless, of course, we are nuclear scientists or computer programmers!).

In short, perhaps we have gone too far with this fixation in labelling ourselves and making sure everyone around us knows that we are x-y-z or a-b-c. From one extreme, I’ve heard anecdotes from some friends who are lecturers at universities in the U.S. about students in their classes changing during a single lesson how they wish to be addressed (he, she, them) or describing their own gender outlook differently at the end of a lecture compared with the beginning. Then, to the other extreme, in my own personal case I was, recently, lightly admonished for mis-addressing a person I had only met for a fleeting 30 seconds in a meeting group of 10 others (and who, to all intents and purposes looked like a female).

Yes. . . yes, I know times are a-changing but, really, maybe it’s time to bring back a little sanity to the labelling debate

Otherwise, I won’t know what to call myself when I have no-one else to talk to.

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Category: Opinion

About the Author ()

Christine has written numerous (at least 150) articles, columns, op-eds, features & stories for well known T magazines, websites & e-zines; she also works as a part time fiction editor for Club Lighthouse Publishing, and is a co-editor of an award winning T-girl Magazine. In addition, she has written 8 adult books mainly in the T sub-genre which have been published by Club Lighthouse Publishing, for whom she has been the best selling author for the last 5 years.

Comments (1)

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  1. rbjr50 says:

    I am a man that always thinks for myself. This leads to unique perspectives, one of which I would like to share here. This is written towards women that were born with a penis but the same holds true for men that were born with a vagina.

    Nature is great, nature is awesome, but nature is never absolute. Sometimes a woman is born with blue eyes, sometimes a woman is born left-handed, and sometimes a woman is born with a penis. Being born with a penis is no different than being born left-handed! It happens. When it does, however, it can lead to considerable confusion. Confusion on the part the individual themselves, on the part of their families, on the part of their friends, and on society in general. So there is really no transformation going on. Transformation implies that you are now something you were not. On the contrary, you were born a woman and now you are one. No one would endure such unfortunate drama if it wasn’t to fix a confusing situation like this. Furthermore, this is not about sexual orientation but rather abount being who you really are. Sexual orientation is a completely separate issue.

    I know you might respond that this is not the definition of a woman. To that I would make the following argument. Hypothetically, let us define a woman as someone that is right-handed with a vagina. I could then present some women that were left-handed. One may then respond that they don’t count, they are abnormalities, they a freaks of nature. I could then present more and more left-handed women. Eventually, one would have to succumb to that fact that this is a flawed definition and is not valid. Now let me present you with women that were born with a penis. As many would currently respond; they don’t count, they are abnormalities, they are freaks of nature. I could then present you with more and more women that do not fit such a definition. At some point, the definition where a woman must have a vagina will have to be abandoned. Maybe in a hundred years we will have a test to give a new born child that will determine if they are a man or a woman. Our current criteria is useless.

    From this perspective, the only suitable pronouns are “he” and “she.” We don’t use different pronouns for right-handed men and left-handed women so why should we need one based on genitalia. I understand the desire to alert another to avoid potential reactions but I don’t see the need. A gentleman does not require knowing what color panties a woman is wearing before interacting with her so I don’t see the need to know something that is even more intimate. Those that do react poorly are just people that have small minds and I don’t think it is in anyone’s best interest to allow such stupid people to dictate how we live.

    Because of this perspective, I have a difficult time using any “T” based word. Again, there has been no transformation. I have used the term “rectified” in that the individual has rectified a confusing situation. I would prefer not to have to use any qualifier, though. A woman is a woman whether she is left-handed or right-handed. I also realized that “rectified” can refer to any of us that have put effort into determining who we really are, including myself.