Dating While Trans

| Jul 2, 2018
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Hello All!

First off, happy pride month! I hope you all had a great one. This month, I wanted to talk about what it’s like to go about dating as a trans person. I’m sure some of you have firsthand experience with this, but I’m hoping that I can bring in a new perspective.

An image from the OKCupid website.

I am not currently dating anyone, but I’ve become more open to the idea of it. In the past, I’ve questioned whether or not I’d like to date people at all, but recently I’ve started making an effort with this. My first instinct was to go to a dating website. My choice was OkCupid. I chose them because they have the least amount of restrictions on gender. You still have to choose if you want to be seen in searches as a boy or a girl, but they let you choose your gender from a long list. I, of course, put agender as my gender. The boy or girl thing was tricky for me, but I ended up going with girl, since that’s closer to what I look like and how I identify.

I didn’t have much luck with online dating. I found a couple of people I could see myself liking, but none of those worked out. So, I turned to the real world. I started looking through my friends for people I would want to date, and there are a few, but I don’t want to tarnish those friendships. I’ve also tried finding people in places I like to hang out, and striking up a conversation with them to see if it goes anywhere. These situations have given me extreme amounts of anxiety, but they’ve paid off. I actually got a girl’s number today, and I’m not sure if anything romantic will happen, but worst case scenario I have a new friend (which seems like a pretty good scenario to me).

As someone who is trans/non-binary/whatever, the biggest issue I have and have had with dating is pronouns. I use they/them pronouns, and it can be hard to get people to use them when they’re not used to it. I’ve found that as long as you lovingly correct them, they eventually start using the right ones.

And finally, there’s the issue of sexuality. When people ask me what my sexuality is, I just say that I’m queer. Labels like gay and straight work within the binary, so saying queer removes the binary altogether. I like boys, and girls, and non-binary people. Some would say that would make me pansexual, but I prefer queer. The issue here is that for someone else to like me, they have to be thinking outside the binary. They would have to accept me as not a boy or a girl, but as a person. And I might have to wait a while for someone like that, but I’m willing to wait.

Well, now that I’ve rambled on for a while, what do you guys have to say? Does anyone have some advice? Or maybe a story about dating a trans person or being trans and dating? As always, you can comment. I hope you have a great July!

Blessed Be,


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Category: Transgender Body & Soul


About the Author ()

M is an 18-year-old agender person who lives in Pennsylvania. They about to enter senior year of high school. Their preferred pronouns are they/them. Their favorite things are music, poetry, and dogs. M is an aspiring writer, activist, and psychologist. They look forward to being a part of the TG Forum community, and would love to share their perspective of the world.

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