Boob Sweat and Other Camping “Fun”

A happy camper?

After forty years in the software business, I’ll be retiring the end of September. To say I’m ready is like asking if I’d like a $1,000 gift card to DSW. Not just yes, but hell yes! My new bride and I decided we will spend part of our golden years traveling the United States in a travel trailer pulled by a truck. Crisscrossing this beautiful country with my Sweet Babboo and The Wonder Puppy is something I’ve imagined for quite a while. Ah, purple mountains majesty, fresh clean air, hiking, fishing and finding all the funky little spots ready to be discovered. We won’t be camping. We will be Glamping, Glamour Camping! It’ll be ideal. So, for the past five months, we’ve taken four small trips to get our feet wet and to learn about this new lifestyle. Sisters and brothers, have my eyes been opened.

Boob Sweat

I have been very proud of the fact that for decades, I refused to sweat recreationally. A new wife and our third act in life has thrown me into a whole new world. Not that transitioning isn’t enough of a change. Now I’m going camping, cooking over an open fire, gathering firewood, and being Jane of the Jungle. However, nobody told me about Boob Sweat. Don’t you just hate it when sweat runs down from under your boobs and down your belly? I don’t want to even acknowledge getting it in my belly button. YUCK! It’s not just the boobs though, I’m sweating everywhere. Do I look like someone who wants to sweat?

Bugs

Why were mosquitoes allowed on the Ark with Noah? What was the purpose? Has anyone ever said to you, “Thank goodness those mosquitoes were there, I’d have been a goner!” Being in Florida along the coast we have critters called ‘No-See-Ums,” a tiny, almost invisible biting bug whose teeth must be three inches long. We were in St. Petersburg, Florida at Fort Desoto Park, a wonderful and beautiful facility. Walking out to the water’s edge among the mangroves, the No-See-Ums almost carried me away. At least I forgot about my boob sweat.

Ruined Mani-Pedi

A girl likes to look nice and a Mani-Pedi is one of those luxuries we all love. However, after two days fighting for my life in the jungle, my hands looked like I had dug my way out of a deep stone pit with sheer walls. We sat on the last night in camp and had a wonderful time counting the number of cuts, scrapes, bruises and smashed digits we both had. Talk about sharing a moment with the woman I love.  Next time, before a camping trip, I’ll not try to look my best. Instead of a trip to the Nail Kingdom, I’ll take $50 and throw it into the fire pit.

Raccoons

I admit I love looking at all the baby animals on the Internet and thinking how cute they are. When they grow up, it’s a different story. I was sitting outside the camper enjoying an early evening breeze. My Princess was at the showers and we were going to have Happy Hour after a day of swimming. I had purchased a sealed plastic package of frozen squid and placed it in a cooler in preparation for an early morning fishing expedition. As I sat there, 15 feet away, a monster-sized raccoon appeared from under the camper, flipped open the lid of the cooler, grabbed the frozen squid and ran away. I grabbed a broom and took off after the thief, but didn’t recover the bait. To add insult to injury, the next morning, I came out of the camper and the smell of rotting squid that didn’t get eaten by the raccoons wafted through our camp. Adds a whole new dimension to breakfast.

Raccoon Eyes 

As if the animal raccoon is not bad enough, when I went to the showers on the last afternoon at the park and looked in the mirror, I had raccoon eyes. You know what I mean. You wear a pair of large sunglasses and your face gets toasted and you have two rings around your eyes.  I even wear a floppy hat with a wide brim only to discover the sun reflects off the water and my face still gets sunburnt. I can’t win.

A Successful Week

All in all, it was a successful week. We took our two nieces, 8 and 11 years old, who had never camped and they had a great time. We all survived and have lots of tales to tell friends and family. Our next trip in is four weeks and then in October, we head out west to see parts of the country I’ve only flown over. If you see us, please stop by. Happy Hour starts at 5:00p.m. and we’d love to meet you.

Tags: camping, featured, Transgender

Category: Transgender Fun & Entertainment