Am I Really a Crossdresser?
Pauline
Am I really a crossdresser?
Am I Bi-Gendered or Not?
I don’t know how many girls feel this way but sometimes I have doubts about crossdressing. I enjoy going out dressed, perhaps to a restaurant ,or the movies or such other entertainment. I have a pretty well stacked closet which I have acquired over the years and am very happy with. However there are many things I do while dressed as Paul that I do quite happily.
As I previously stated in one of my blogs my wife and I have an agreement that she gets to share Paul and Pauline. The arrangement allows three days of Paul and three days of Pauline. However, while I am willing to go anywhere en-femme, it doesn’t always work out that way. We usually agree on the merits of going dressed or not and Pauline doesn’t always get an even share. Although Gail has to bully me to buy clothes for Paul.
All her family know I dress, but not all of mine know about me. I have three sons each with a partner and there are four grand children and a new entry in the form of my granddaughter’s new husband. Officially only my eldest and his partner know that I dress. I suspect that more actually know. I assume they don’t want to ask about it in case they find it is true and wouldn’t know how to handle it.
I live in a gated community that has no gates, just an un-manned gate house. I go out dressed in the community a lot. So far no one has openly said anything negative. Whatever they say in the privacy of there own home I will never know. Neither do I care.
An Amusing Little Anecdote
One afternoon, Just a short time after we had moved in, I dressed en-femme to go out. I was on my own. I must add here that I live on a narrow dead end street. It is hard for two cars to pass. As I pulled out of my driveway, car nose first, my neighbor opposite who was looking in the trunk of her car, looked up. She had met Paul and Gail but not Pauline. She saw a person driving the car that looked like Paul but was dressed as a female. When the penny dropped the expression on her face was priceless. Later we all spoke about it and we all thought it was very funny.
There is a trans organization in Toronto where I made some very good personal friends. Through these friendships we have formed a small informal group of gals who tend to hang out together. We often go out dressed as a group or just one or two together. Some of us are going to see Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody this weekend, followed by dinner at a nearby restaurant. To follow up on something I said previously, we try to avoid an obvious crowd. This is helped as a rule by some female partners who come with us who inadvertently act as a foil.
So in summary, we dress when we can but many times life gets in the way. The actual act of dressing takes up time. One of my friends has gone a long way in the area of hair removal. So when she gets up in the morning it is relatively easy for her — she just needs to wash herself do a little makeup put on a dress and bingo she is in a femme mode. For the rest of us we have to shave and possibly hide the five o-clock shadow, a shower might be in order as well.
On a typical day, Gail or I have functions to complete. Medical appointments, car to service, visit family, items which will include other people who are not aware I dress. Finding a day with literally nothing to do is somewhat rare. I don’t know how I found time to earn a living.
So what is my point? Is it true to assume that if I was fully committed to the female genre I would dress full time? Of course this would mean accepting all the problems that go with it. All of my family would get to know, which may or not be a problem. Everyone else, who is in our immediate circle, would know.( My doctor knows but has only seen photos.) Then of course include the general public with whom one comes in contact on a daily basis. There would be a real mix of reactions both positive and negative. Most of which would be totally unpredictable.
This would take a lot of courage. Particularly if you have a partner who would then become subject to all the fall-out that would go with this. If your partner is okay with it, terrific! I would suggest however, there aren’t many who would be. This is where my guilt comes in. If I don’t dress for a short period of time I start to get this quite strong urge to dress again which If circumstances allow I go and take advantage of my urge. Is this approach common one and do any of you feel the same way?
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About the Author (Author Profile)
I was born in England in 1935 and spent fourteen years in British Navy starting in 1951. I married in 1958 and stayed that way for 51 years. My wife gave me 3 sons all now in their fifties, only one knows of my little pecadilo. Four grand children all in or completed University. I emigrated to Canada in 1968. Worked for the oil, gas and power industries until I retired at 66. My first wife died of cancer in 2009. I was introduced to Gail by a mutual friend and we have been together six years and married for three. Gail was aware of my crossdressing before we married and supports it wholeheartedly with some rules. I have to be Paul some of the time, which is fair. I am a Libra and I own it.Subscribe
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Pauline, your life is almost a parallel to mine. I live in Oklahoma, and both my wife and I are retired. I am able to dress as Wendi most days when we don’t need to go out, I could dress more often to go out but to put on makeup, shave extra close seems such a hassle for just a short trip to go to the store.
All of our four married children know of Wendi, but all except our oldest daughter and her husband are not interested in seeing me enfemme.
Like you, I feel if I cannot dress for several days I become irritable, and I hate to say grouchy. In fact I’ve had a close friend say, “Go put on a dress”.
I love to go shopping with my wife, and she often points to some article of clothing she knows I would like, and buys it for me, also like you I hate to buy clothes for my male self.
You have hit the nail right on the head! Although I am out to friends, Neighbors, and most family there are days when I am compelled to dress and I’m doing some yucky chore is a yard work or car Hobbies or income work that would simply ruin my beautiful Diana clothes which means not dressing in pretty clothes that day. Since I’m by myself I came out to my neighbor’s mainly so that they would not wonder who was coming and going from my house. And then they are the other days when I have the time to dress that I have to motivate myself to dress and pretty Diana clothes. Some days I feel like an artist palette. We’re by there was one article of clothing I really want to wear that day like a nice set of dress boots then I build the outfit around that such as a pretty v-neck sweater in the winter and decide what skirt goes well with it. Then the time of year dictates whether there was a need for pantyhose or not. Saturdays are usually dress down days in jeans like jeggings even then the outfit is thoroughly thought-out. I try my best to blend in for any of the errands I’m going on. Be at the bank or simply going grocery shopping. I consider myself to be transgender TV not TS but probably borderline TS. I do have a distant cousin in another state who does not have a computer am I have never met except by the phone who is TS and has gone through GRS about 7 years ago when she was in her late 50s. Because of the area of the country where she lives and it being a very small town she has met with quite a bit of negativity.
Then again I always joke that there is the financial CD, there is the music CD, and then there is me. LOL
But as I said even though I am out to many of my customers who I repair band instruments for there are days that wearing pretty delicate clothes would not be practical as they would get damaged by valve oil or the torch when I saw instruments together. And then there are days that the draw to dress as Diana is so strong that it is difficult to get dressed in the morning if I can’t dress as Diana that day. So strong that it actually slows me down from dressing other than as Diana. To the point that I have no choice but to dress as Diana because is the proper clothing to wear in my mind. This can go on for a week or not at all for several days. I keep a logbook on what I wear and where I go and which days I dress as Diana. Which averages out to about a third of the time. Meaning any where’s from two or three days a month to 20 days out of the month. Meaning anywheres from next to nothing to almost three-quarters of the time. I have learned it is much easier to go with the flow and the draw to dress as Diana than to fight it because the draw will only come back with a vengeance even stronger if suppressed. It is because of Diana that I got my ears pierced twice a nasal piercing. That side of me nudges a little bit more each year. It was supposed to be almost like being twin male and female souled would share the body 50/50 but Diana nudges more each year. The male side reminds the female side that it could mean the end for the male side if pushed too far by the female side. But that does not stop the female side from nudging for more time out in the world. I’ve even come out as president of the local Historic Society before the elected me several years ago. Since our museum is owned by the town I have come out to the township manager and sat and informal meetings with him as Diana. But many years ago I asked myself if I had a magic wand would I use it and the answer is no because I was fear and not being able to change back into my male self if the magic wand broke. So as I said even though I don’t plan on transitioning I spend quite a bit of time as Diana. So I can really relate to your article as you can see by the length of what I said. So in my personal opinion there are those of us that will always remain on the fence and yet be transgender. So you have really described it perfectly!
I have given this a lot of thought. Among my TG friends I can think of only 1 who would fit MY definition of crossdresser-being that female clothing is a fetish and there is no desire to act as or present as a woman. Like my friends I wish I was a woman and achieve a great degree of contentment when presenting as female.
Like the author-there are times when I just choose to be at home etc so there is really no big deal presenting as a woman as most women would probably be attired as me in those circumstances i.e. a t-shirt and shorts. I also agree that labels are a lot of baloney but do feel that many feel comfortable with the crossdresser label as they feel uncomfortable with the self admission that they really want to be a woman.
Cross dressing is a practice which is an integral part of my being transgender. When I walk down the street, I’m a walker but that’s not my identity. When I cross dress, I’m a cross dresser but that’s not my identity either. I’m simply transgender in all if it’s glorious flavors.
First, you need to define what you mean by “crossdresser” and “bigendered”. Even before that, there needs to be some agreement on what’s meant by “gender” … it’s become a synonym for “sex” in virtually every area of society including – worryingly – the medical profession. Gender is an artificial construct, defined by humans to describe (and enforce) a large number of behaviours specific to a particular sex. Your gender is also affected by the way people see you in relation to the sex they believe you to be … wearing a dress is a feminine act … which is fine if you’re perceived to be a female, but not if you’re perceived to be a male. On the other hand, a shaved head is a masculine trait, which is fine if you’re perceived to be a male, but not if you’re perceived to be a female. A surgeon has the ability to make a superficial change to the sex a person appears to be, although there’s no technology which can affect our chromosomal make-up – by that definition, sex is immutable. However, it’s very easy to change our gender … if we’re willing to break the rules on how we present ourselves.
The T community has got itself into an horrendous mess over the question of labels, and its members seem to spend a disproportionate amount of time in heated arguments about them. We can’t even agree on the fundamental meaning of “trans-gender” – should it apply to non-transitioners? By the above strict definition of “gender”, yes it should. However, transsexuals have adopted it recently to describe themselves – is that valid? I don’t personally think it is, because does it not erroneously equate gender with sex?
Like my contemporaries, I spent a lot of time thinking about labels as I progressed from a full-femme female impersonator (what most would probably call a “crossdresser”) who gave up “her” false breasts, then “her” female name, then “his” wig … by which time, as you can imagine, maintaining the pretence of being a woman was pretty-much impossible. For the 18 years since then, I’ve simply worn the clothes I prefer as a man – specifically clothes which society attempts to dictate should be only for women … or at least I assume that’s what the “for her” labels strewn around the clothes departments mean. So what am I? I’ve centred on “gender nonconformist” … it has a defiant undertone, and carries the tacit implication that you really don’t want to get involved in an argument with me about my appearance.
Frankly, life’s far too short already to waste it worrying about whether the label you’re using to describe yourself is accurate. Do what you want to do, and call yourself by whatever label you choose … if you choose one at all. But since you’ve asked … you’re not changing your sex by what you wear, but merely your presentation and behaviour (i.e. your gender) – as indeed are the majority of non-transitioners. But “bigendered” implies that there are only two genders, when in fact, gender is a continuum involving many threads between 100% masculine and 100% feminine. So if you insist on a label, my advice would be “gender transient”.
I hope that helps … though I suspect it probably doesn’t!