Angelina.Kovacs

[Angelina.Kovacs]

Hi,

I am before a really important life changing decision and I am really interested in your opinion.

I am a 32 yo guy. But I want to become to a woman. The previous fantasies and porn are not enough for me.

I want to write you my story and I hope that it is not bother you.
I never talked about my thoughts with anyone. I cannot suppress my feelings anymore.

It started at age 10. I started to wear my mum’s clothes and use her cosmetics.
My mother and my sister raised me. I did not have a male example for me. Only women. Moreover for them the feminity always played a really important role. My mum has a beauty salon and my sister is also works there. I spent a lot of time in my childhood in her salon. I think it has also a huge effect on me.

In the last 1 year I moved to abroad (I work online). I am alone a new country. So my feminime feelings only became more dominant. Particulary from the summer.

In the every day life, outside the house I am a man. But I have a lot of changes.
I started to grown my hair, now is almost 20 cm (earlier it was 3 cm). I lost 10 kg. From 81 to 71 kg. I am 175 cm. I started to do aerobic exercises 3 times a week.

I bought a full make up set and a lot of cosmetics. I use everyday cosmetics. Of course only women’s products. I have a full L’Oréal skincare routine in the morning and in the evening. When I am at home I apply make up. I spent a lot of money for a quality make up and my online shopping cart is again full with new cosmetics. And for the first time I added female clothes.

Which is also really new for me, that earlier when I got doll up it gave me sexual excitement (earlier I thought that maybe I am a transvestite).
But now I use a lot of cosmetics everyday and spend about an hour to make my full make up and I feel no sexual arousal already. Now it feels like a normal daily duty.
I also started to watch a lot of make up videos. I love make up. It became my new passion. I think I should learn much more in this field and to start a career in this field (is it a coincidence?).

I feel that I have two personalities. One which wants to live as a man. And another which would like to become a woman. And the feminime is getting dominant.

About my sexuality. I am virgin. I had few girlfriends but I was afraid to have sex with them. When they wanted to sex with me, my penis did not get hard. We tried few times and then we broke. I felt nothing. They were more like a friends for me. I cannot image myself an active role.
My masturbation is also dramatically changed. Earlier I was seldom jerking. And after cum I felt ashamed and my “transsexual” feelings went away immadietely. In the summer I bought a dildo. Now I have 3 of them. I learned to get prostate orgasm with the biggest one (24 cm). I really enjoy it and I feel no shame after cum. Moreover, I have another “weird” masturbation. I started to suck my penis (I can lick the head till orgasm and I get used to my cum and I have absolutely no shame or disgusting feelings now, so I swallow.) And I am not jerking anymore and that is why I feel more feminine. And to be honest I crave for such a dildo-sucking orgasm 2-3 times a week. (Moreover I drink a lot of pineapple juice to have more tasty cum..) I do not know what is happening with me.

I think that in a new country I can be anyone, nobody sees me and that is why my feminine side is getting stronger and stronger.
Moreover I tried to express these feelings for a long time, maybe that is why it is getting to explode now.

What do you think about my story?
Am I really a transsexual? Or it is just a serious fetish which went to far? Please ask me any questions which helps me to understand myself better.

I have a feeling, that everything goes in this way, few years and I will be not only a woman, but I will be somebody’s wife.
On the hand, it is really frightening, and on the other hand, it is really exciting.

Best,
Angelina

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