Reply To: Hey! I’m New Here!


Hi everyone.

I’m a man in his 50s, I’m straight, married, I fancy women, I love my wife. But all my life there’s a bit of me that really wishes I’d been born female. I’ve wondered at various points if maybe wearing panties (my own) and dressing up when my wife’s away was just a fetish. I do find it very sexy so maybe it is but there’s more to it than that; I can recall having feelings and fantasies about being a girl from well before puberty. It’s not all-consuming and if it’s Gender Dysphoria, it’s probably a mild case. I’ve been successful in looking and feeling like a man’s man for a lot of years now. When I got together with my wife, I threw away all my bras, knickers, etc. Thinking it was a side of me I could and had to put a stop to. But the ideas and fantasies persisted and after a while I could not resist buying lingerie for myself again. It’s was not something that was just going to go away. I’ve kept this secret from my wife for many years.

I suspect this is not an unusual story and that’s why I’m here, to ask advice. How many men in this situation have fessed up to their wives or girlfriends? What was the reaction?

I hate effectively lying to my wife. I can’t deny the feminine part of me and I’m feeling an increasing need to come clean. To be clear, I don’t want to transition (I’m an okayish-looking bloke but I think I’d make a terrible looking woman). I have no idea what might happen after a confession. My wife might be horrified and one way of dealing with the incomprehension might be to want me to put a stop to it all – which would lead to either my resentment and/or more secrecy. This is obviously the thing I’m most afraid of. Or she could be supportive… I don’t know what would follow that scenario but it would clearly the better one. Or there could be something in-between.

One more thing. I fessed up to being an alcoholic about five years ago (I have no idea how she didn’t realise before then.) I’ve been successful in keeping off the booze since then but I remember my wife’s tears and sobs when I let that one out of the bag. She’s been supportive and kind but also she’s been hurt by it all. Which is another reason for my reticence.

So there it is. Any advice or shared experiences gratefully anticipated…