Reply To: How Do You Know if You Are Trans?
MinnieMouseI’ve always suspected I was different from the other boys. As early as I can remember all the close friends I ever had were girls. While the boys were playing marbles, tag, and sports, or rough housing around. I was in a different area of the school yard, not playing by myself mind you, I was playing with the girls, skipping, hop scotch, teeter tottering, ,girl games. I really preferred it, to getting dirty with the boys.
I actually got invited by my best girl friend, to a girls sleep over, at my her house when I was 10. I hung out with the 4 girls at the slumber party, and the parents let me sleep in the bedroom with the girls. They girls were all curious about kissing and they wanted to practice with me and each other. Those were some of the happiest times of my life. I think back now that the parents of the girls at the party and my own parents may have suspected, I might be gay or something.
I don’t think I’m gay as I experimented once with a neighbourhood kid, at around 15, and it didn’t do a thing for me at all. I think I’m a, MTF, trans, lesbian. If that’s possible.
But nobody ever said a word. I dated a few of those girls after high school, but the intercourse was awkward. Foreplay was fantastic!! But in someways the penetration part of the evening was never the exciting climax I heard the other guys talk about!
Back to my teen years, when I was twelve, now don’t judge me here. I use to sneak out the basement window and prowl around our neighborhood in the dark in search of 1 piece bathing suits I could borrow them for either a walk in the park, or a dip in the pool. It absolutely excited me the smooth feeling of a spandex bathing suit, up against my body, similar to the ones I have boughten for myself recently. Which in fact I am wearing one of them as i write this blog. As soon as she is in bed out comes which ever suit I fancy. This one is a sexy black and red with a lattice top, there is 4 booster pads in each breast pocket. I bought my wife 4, 1 piece sexy bathing suits around 6 months ago, all on sale buy one get one! My wife knew we were going on this trip. She asked me to buy her a new suit, because the 2 she had I had stretched. So I found a website with a special on swimwear and started shopping. I found some buy one get one free sales, it was really exciting shopping for those suits!!
She goes to bed 4 hours before me. It’s the only 4 hours of the day that I feel relaxed, normal, and free of anxiety.
I’m about 14, now living on a 100 acre farm, still hanging out with the same 4 girls, I was the only boy invited to the my best friends house party they were having because her parents were out of town, and she was told she could have 4 friends over for a slumber party. Well needless to say I went along with the makeover party, and it turned into a dress up party. Because my best friends sister was about my size, the girls after giving me a makeover, insisted that I give them a fashion show with all her different clothes for them………. “all” of her clothes. When I put on the different outfits, from a cheer leading outfit, that felt so,so…sexy, to a formal dress, to all her bras and skimpy panties, and 15 count em, 15, 1 piece spandex skin tight bathing suits. I felt absolutely wonderful. I’m not sure what a 16 year old girl was doing with a silk teddy. but when I slipped into that garment, I was just over the top, with joy. I’m sure the girls saw the permasmile on my face and thought what’s up with that!
After high school the joyous days of hanging with the girls and exploring our sexuality, was over they all went off to college, and I took what I figured was my traditional place in the workforce working labor intensive jobs, mechanic, farm labor and maintenance, and trucking!
I remember an incident when I was 19. They were having a a 25 wedding anniversary for my parents. I made an excuse that I needed to go to the house to get something. There were 5 adult females staying at the farm. I took my time and found all my cousins swimsuits, they had brought 2 each. I put each one on and went for a midnight dip. It was absolutely fantastic, the idea of getting caught made it that much more erotic. I was gone for 3 hours and was emotionally drained when I returned to the party! I don’t think anybody realized how long I was gone.
I wish my best friend and I still remain close today. But we lost touch a few years after I married??I would love to get a woman’s prospective. I would ask her straight up, “do you think I’m a transgender?” If she was to say yes, I would ask her “How long have you known”. I myself think I have always known.
I was fortunate enough when I was 19, she asked me to drop off a green garbage bag of old clothing to the Salvation Army. I stopped on the way to Sally Ann, and opened the bag and “jackpot” a dozen 1 piece swimsuits, one with the tag still on it. Panties and bras and her cheerleading outfit, oh her cheerleading outfit?! What a score! I took them to the farm and wore them into the house a piece or 2 at a time and hid them out of site in my bedroom, took 2 weeks, but so worth it. For 6 years I wore the panties bras and swimsuits under my clothes everywhere, out to family outings work, working around the farm, I even wore a swimsuit under my tux to a buddy’s wedding. I don’t think anybody knew? The swimsuits especially felt so comfortable against my skin, natural like I was meant to be wearing them!
When I married at 24, I felt the clothes had to go. I’m married to a great girl, don’t screw it up! Luckily for me my wife was a clothing connoisseur, massive amounts of underclothes, swimsuits, slips, camisoles, dresses of all different material, and of course her wedding dress, omg how I love that wedding dress, but it’s too small for me now, maybe after my transition.
I also had the bonus of her working swing shift, and I was on straight days. I always, as soon as I got home if she was on afternoons, or as soon as she left for work when on midnights. I was into her drawers and closet playing dress up. If she was on midnights I wore her intimates to bed! They really made me feel sexy. Almost got caught early in the first 6 months, I heard the car door shut and realized I’d slept in. I quickly bounded out of bed and threw my work clothes on over her swimsuit. I wore it to work that day, the boss said to me, “there is something different today, you have a bounce in your step.” I just told him I got lucky last night, pretty sure he bought it. This went on for over 20 years, usually just wearing panties or panties and a sport bra. I had a skip in my step on swimsuit days. Hehe!
We recently went on a second honeymoon, I got us a jacuzzi room for 3 nights. On the first night I slipped into the suit I have on tonight and slipped in below the bubble bath before she came out of the bathroom. She got in the tub and once she realized what I was wearing there was some, I would call it nervous laughter.
She walked in on me a month or so ago. I was sitting on the internet in my black and blue swimsuit. Remarkably she laughed but didn’t say anything or tell me to change. I spent the night sitting around in that swimsuit. Guess I’m out of the closet with her as a cross dresser.
I am so looking forward to the anxiety and depression I feel when I’m not in a swimsuit to be done. I’m ready right now to start my transition. I’ve been looking on the net for supplements to begin. But think I might talk to my dr about a referral. It’s taken me a long time to type this last paragraph, my whole body is quivering uncontrollably when I think about starting my journey!
4 questions if I might.
(1) has anybody else had similar experiences growing up? Do you mind sharing?
(2) What would be the best and gentle’s way to broach the subject with my wife? I’d like to think that she could handle this. I don’t want to loose her, I feel she may be a lesbian, and I am deeply in love with her!
(3) Best way to broach the subject with my 2 daughters, and do I tell them anything or hide it as long as I can. Do I tell them together, do I tell them separately?
(4) what does everybody think? Am I transgender, or am I confused?
I have taken several online tests and they all say gender dysphoria
