Reply To: Trans Impact on Socialization
clewisThis definitely sounds like my experiences. As a child I gravitated to classically feminine activities and pursuits, and by later elementary school age I was already interested in clothes and makeup (albeit secretly). I was a quiet, shy boy and never questioned my identity or anything. I just did what I liked, and my childhood was happy enough.
As an adolescent and a young adult, I gave into peer pressure and hid all those feminine aspects of my personality. I played sports, attempted to date, embarked on a classically masculine career path, etc. I adapted to it well enough, but it was never fulfilling, and I never really felt socially at ease anywhere.
In my mid-30s I finally began to openly express those aspects of my life again. Obviously my age and the times were different by then, but I began to advance socially. Perhaps I came across to people as more open, relaxed and accessible.
By now I am out everywhere – family, neighborhood, work, worship, etc. – and I finally feel like myself. Some people that have known me before and after I became open have commented to me favorably on how happy I look now.
My only regret is that I wish I had not suppressed some of those childhood interests, particularly the ones related to arts and style. I always enjoyed sewing, needlepoint, fashion (obviously), design, etc. but never allowed them to really develop, mostly for fear of what people would think. Maybe some of the girls my age would have encouraged and supported me if I had done so.
