Reply To: Crossdresser Corner
WillowyoneI am unsure if my experience will help any crossdressers who are considering coming out but anyways here are some positive strategies and experiences of my own. I hope that some of this will be helpful during the pandemic and even more after.
I have been out in public for about five years and am 68 years of age. Before being generally out in public when there were special events that presumably put the public in a cheery mood that could help me be accepted at local free concerts, halloween, and some other holidays. More than ten years ago I came out at neighborhood dance house parties.
I prepared for those parties and that may have contributed to not just acceptance but requests to continue to attend and some surprising amount of appreciation.
I had some mentoring from an acting student who was also a minority who helped me to expand my verbal and body language in order to uplift others. I practiced getting better at modern and freeform dance in front of a mirror while chopping veggies for my dinners while tuned into Delila FM radio with good feminine dance tunes. I improved not so much in a technical dance step sort of way but in my own self acceptance and projecting sincerity and caring to others while I dance. The details of how I do that with dance are too much to get into here but please ask if interested.
I gained my first little foothold at parties by engaging with individuals who were being ignored because of health, disability, or who don’t have the popular look and we had so much fun that other people began to notice and want some too. But I reasoned that something more to boost caring among people was needed. Even mainstream people have their own feelings of being ignored or disliked for some reason or another and though perhaps less than that of cross dressers I decided that by uplifting them it would help me too. So I began to take flowers to the parties and watch couples until I saw something unique to them and then I go up to them give the flowers along with an affirmation that I have crafted especially for them. Married people may be lucky to have someone but after some years they may feel that they are the overlooked married forever boring stereotype. So for whatever the reason they really appreciated the attention. It feels really good to get some hugs of appreciation! I got the affirming idea from a minister when I was a youth who was really good at that. Then there are the live bands or DJ’s that appreciate when someone is the first to get out and dance and get others out to appreciate the band. I look at each musician and focus on what they are doing and various other music appreciations and the musicians usually like that and sometimes even dedicate a bit of a riff to me.
Uplifting others makes the fun spread even to the “cool beautiful” people and then everyone is dancing with everyone! Silly artificial social status inventions are torn down and then the party rip roars!
When I am out on the street some people that I do not know but perhaps from some party or concert that I have been to give me a shout out or thumbs up.
When approaching by foot I asses if individuals want to be greeted. I have rehearsed a variety of greetings, quickly choose an appropriate one, and launch it.
With tough guys or negative people I try to get away fast but sometimes I stand my ground by using some empathy that I learned by reading about Nelson Mandella. I put myself in the shoes of a person who is verbally trying to put me down. I try to identify what is difficult in their lives and give them some credit for surviving it. I can give examples but wont go on longer here now.
Best to you all and may we be well.
